Are you as fit as a barnacle goose?

Hi folks! Bouncing Bertie Boffin here. It's been too long since I posted about an important scientific matter, hasn't it?

Apropos my recent paw-related infirmities (and nothing whatsoever to do with last week's diet of whisky-laced buttermilk ice cream) I have lately had cause to ponder the relationship between fitness and exercise, in both humans and other animals. For example, my human Gail has been complaining about her being unfit due to my intermittent lameness (yes I know, so selfish, but what can you do?) But as soon as my paws stop hurting, I feel as bouncy as ever, even when I have been doing little but lounging on the sofa for the preceding few weeks.

Well I am delighted to report that scientists have not neglected the puzzling question of how some animals stay super fit despite distinctly couch potato-ish habits. You can read all about recent work on this topic here, or, for those of you who are 'time poor', I have summarised the main points below:

Have you ever thought about how the barnacle goose prepares for its 3000 km migration? No need for tiresome marathon-style training sessions for them, apparently. Rather, according to environmental physiologist Lewis Halsey, "they just basically sit on the water and eat a lot".

Likewise, how fortunate the black or brown bear. Unlike your typical human, whose muscles tend to dissolve into unsightly flab over the months of darkness (in Aberdeen at least), lucky Bruin emerges from hibernation with muscles as ripped as when he stepped into his winter hidey hole.

It seems that migratory birds and hibernating animals have genes which respond to cues like daylight or temperature and these genes act to preserve or enhance their muscle mass. Humans do not possess this useful evolutionary adaptation, due to their different lifestyle, and so have been forced to invent the gym and the exercise bike.

It is not yet clear where dogs and cats sit on this evolutionary 'no pain, no gain' spectrum, although based on my own personal observations, I hypothesise that we pups would be somewhere between the barnacle goose and the human.

I wonder if my friends can contribute any useful data about whether the human or non-human species in their household find it easier to  maintain themselves in tip top condition? If so, do please leave a comment. No detail, however trivial, need be omitted. Who knows, I may even publish a scientific paper on the findings...

[PS On the subject of evolution, Gail has reminded me to tell you about an article she has written on Darwin, recently published in online journal 'Assay' (edited by Tootsie's Mom). Personally, I don't really approve of her writing activities other than helping me with my blog, but you may click here should you actually want to read her piece... ]

Blogville's Director of Scientific Affairs at work!

Greetings from Bouncing Bertie Boffin, Blogville's Director of Scientific Affairs!

As part of the Blogville City Hall's Open House/Coffee Morning, I am delighted to welcome you to my 'office'!



Feel free to snoop around my workplace. As you can see, I am in the midst of an important and very scientific experiment, so I shall leave you to explore by yourselves (what could possibly go wrong...?)

I regret to have to point out that modern day health and safety standards have caught up with us*, and so you are not allowed to consume coffee in the laboratory.

In fact, now that I have set up my distillation equipment, let us all adjourn to the Princess Leah's office for our Puppicinos, and I shall explain my mission to educate Blogville about all matters scientific and to ensure that all our policies are rational and firmly evidence-based...

*Human Grandad had a favourite story about his early days as a researcher for Boots the Chemists in the 1950s, when they used to make morning tea and coffee in glass beakers in the lab. One day the boss brought round some Very Important Foreign Visitors and one of them asked HGD to tell him about the experiment with the different hot brown fluids lined up on the bench....

PS From Gail: it was quite heroic of Bertie hobble in to work today, as his paws are still sore (although slightly better than a couple of days ago). We see the vet again on Wednesday. Meanwhile, I would like to say thank you again to all our dear blogging friends for your helpful advice and support.

Blogville's Director of Scientific Affairs speaks

Bouncing Bertie Boffin here!

On this auspicious occasion of the inauguration of Blogville's new mayor Arty, and vice-mayor Mabel, I wish to say a word or three about my role as the Director of Scientific Affairs.

But first I would like to congratulate all the citizens of Blogville for once again showing their wisdom and good judgement in selecting a leadership team of whom we can all, without question, be proud.

In some sections of the media, it is held that we now live in a 'post-truth' world.

To those who might be nervous about such a prospect, I would like to reassure you that when you visit my blog, the material you read will be evidence-based, and any assertions made will have been subjected to rigorous scrutiny in accordance with the scientific method.

I regard it as my mission in Blogville to promote a rational approach to life's big questions, supported by experimental data where possible.

For example, let me tell you about an important scientific experiment being conducted chez Bertie this winter, and concerning wire-fox terrier grooming rituals.

Although us WFT's are deemed to be, if not 100% 'non-shedders', then something pretty close, there is a theory out there that if our coats are allowed to grow long, they will eventually reach a stage where they are ready to 'blow' and thus the usually somewhat uncomfortable hand stripping process becomes, so to speak, a walk in the park.

Gail has always been a tad sceptical about this theory, and up until last September I was subjected to a 'little and often' stripping regime, maintaining my furs at an average sort of length.

This winter we decided, in the interests of science you understand (and absolutely nothing to do with my human having arthritic thumbs) to let my furs go untouched all winter, and then have a 'big strip' come Spring. At which point I shall be able properly to assess the levels of comfort or discomfort experienced.

All scientific experiments require some form objective measurement criteria, and I have proposed that the ease of stripping be measured in terms of number of pigs' ears needed to keep me quiet during the stripping process.

Of course I shall be reporting in full on the results of this experiment in due course.

Meanwhile, if any Blogville citizens have burning questions about science, or, even better, ideas for experiments to help advance our understanding of issues of importance to our community, please do get in touch. I can be contacted via comments on this blog or via email at Bouncing(dot)Bertie(at)outlook(dot)com.

Finally, I would like you all to raise your glasses to the future of Blogville, and to respect for FACTS, EVIDENCE and RATIONAL THINKING!

Oh yes, and Happy New Year to all my lovely friends!


 

Bertie presents his Pee-hD Thesis...

May I introduce myself as Bouncing Bertie Boffin, recently reconfirmed in the post of Director of Scientific Studies for Blogville.

Today I am reporting on the results of my very important investigations concerning the pee-holding abilities of my fellow citizens.

First all I want to say a big Thank You to those who contributed such valuable data, without which none of this work would have been possible.

As you may remember, it all came about after my journey back from Switzerland, where I lasted for 17 hours on the ferry back to Newcastle before I decided I really did need to release the pressure on my bladder. And I wondered how, in similar circumstances, my friends might fare?

To put this study on a proper scientific footing, I formulated three, no actually four, hypotheses that I wanted to test. There were:

1. That bigger dogs would be able to go for longer than smaller dogs before needing a pee.
2. That middle aged dogs would do better than the very young and the very old
3. That female dogs would hold it in longer than male dogs as they have less apparent need to decorate lampposts and trees etc.
4. In all circumstances, that dogs would be able to hold out far longer than their human carers.
 
Before moving onto the detailed data analysis, I should first address issues relating to my methodology.

A certain person (i.e. Gail) has suggested that my sampling may be flawed in that several of those who answered interpreted my question as an open invitation to boast about their own bladder capacity, or even (yes that would be you Wyatt) to exaggerate the weaknesses of irritating younger siblings, thus skewing the data. To which I answer, how dare she impugn the integrity of my fellow Blogville citizens!

On the subject of admissible data, I did agonize long and hard about whether the information submitted by the only non-canine participant, should be included. To circumvent any difficulties, I decided (for the purposes of this study only) to treat a certain Diva and Former Mayoress Madi, as an honorary dog. I trust this is acceptable to all.

OK, so on to the data, which I have presented in the table below. Please note that a few dogs seemed reluctant to disclose their weight - Dory's gang guilty here - and in these cases (highlighted in the table) I either used an average weight for the breed, as provided by Wikipedia, or made an educated guess based on photographic evidence.

For my first hypothesis, as you can see from the following graph, there is a weak correlation (R-squared = 0.16) between size (measured in terms of weight in kg) and time before needing a pee. I am sure that dog owners will in future use the equation presented on the graph to calculate how long a particular pup not included in this study might be expected to 'hold it in'.


As for the effect of age, you will see below that I have matched the data to a polynomial curve which totally convincingly confirms my theory that pee-holding ability reaches an apex in the middle years of life. This is also supported by the anecdotal evidence you provided, especially on the topic of embarrassing 'leakage' in extreme old age.  


To test for the gender difference I analysed the data using the appropriate statistical test (student's t-test)  and found, somewhat unexpectedly, there was no significant difference between the males and females who took part in this study. Maybe that whole 'dogs are from Mars and bitches from Venus' thing is the pile of tosh that some of us have always suspected...

My fourth finding is perhaps the most important. Although I did not specifically ask for data relating to humans, several of you volunteered evidence on this topic anyway. (In some cases, might I say, we perhaps had a little too much information, although I personally do sympathise with that fact that Sarge suffers disturbed nights due to excessive toilet flushing...) Anyway, the message comes through loud and clear.

Us dogs can, on average, go 13.7 hours before we need a pee, and our humans cannot even begin to compete. 

Finally, I note that the amazing data you provided has suggested further lines of enquiry, and I am now hoping to secure a major financial award (or the equivalent in treats) to pursue the two following questions:

• Several of you including, Petite-Chose and Inca, Bella Roxy and Macdui, Cobi and Otto, mentioned that your retention time increases significantly when you are faced with going out in the rain, especially thunderstorms. This naturally make one want to investigate the impact of future climate change on the strength of dogs' bladders.
• Location also seems to be important (Gus, Trilby, Macy Blue and Tootsie) and I was particularly interested in Gus's reluctance to 'release' in New Mexico, Texas and part of Louisiana. I would like to test the hypothesis that the ability to wait before peeing may, in the USA, vary according to the state, and that in extreme cases, dog owners may have had to relocate because of this.

So those are my results of my research. I am confident that this novel and important study merits the award of a Pee-hD degree. And of course I am happy to answer any questions arising from any of the work presented here.

A scene on the ferry home inspires a new research project

"I'm expected to go there in that sandbox?

"As if I were a cat?

"NO WAY.

"I need to be outside.

"When I said outside, this was not what I had in mind. Look, this ship is moving all over the place. If I lift my leg I might topple overboard into the North Sea. 

"I think I shall wait until we reach Newcastle. It can't be long now surely."

************ 

After seventeen hours on the ferry, I finally gave in and peed in sandbox. Just enough to relieve the pressure. I saved the rest until I found some good solid Tyneside soil an hour later.

I  am wondering how long my friends can go without needing to pee.
Do smaller or older pups need to go more often?
Is it a breed specific thing?
And what about gender?

It occurs to me that this topic merits a proper scientific study. And who better to conduct the research than your very own Bouncing Boffin!

I am hoping my readers can provide me with data, on which I can conduct an in-depth analysis in my own inimitable style.

So, all I need you to do is leave me a comment stating your age, gender, breed, weight and length of time you can go before you need to pee. You can tell me about your friends too.

The more data the better, so please feel free to include any additional information - hard facts or even anecdotes - you might consider relevant (in the broadest sense).

In compliance with the usual ethical data protection principles, strict confidentiality will apply...(sort of).

Festive Quantum Robins

Bouncing Bertie Boffin, Scientific Advisor to Blogville here!

It has been brought to my attention that this blog has been lacking in intellectual and scientific rigour of late, and so today I aim to redress the balance. In a suitably seasonal and dog relevant fashion, of course.

Maybe, like dear, clever YAM-Aunty, you already knew that today, 14th December, is considered as the 'Birthday of Quantum Physics'. It was on this day in 1900 when the German physicist Max Planck first proposed that energy emitted by a radiating system is not continuous but rather it comes in discrete packages, or 'quanta'.

I wonder also how many of you have received Christmas cards with pictures of robins this year? Perhaps you have had opportunity to bark at a robin, newly arrived in your garden after escaping the harsh Arctic winter?

OK, so I realise some you are now thinking "Bertie Boffin, poor chap, has totally gone off his rocker this time. I'm afraid he has been imbibing too much 'festive spirit'. What on earth do migrating robins have to do with quantum physics?"

Fellow pups, let me explain.

Now, since well before the days of satnav, scientists have been pondering the question of how birds navigate when they migrate long distances, especially across oceans where landmarks are few and far between. You might think this field of study would be the domain of the biologist, but in fact one answer came in recent years from some very clever experiments by physicists. These experiments led to an understanding of how the robin uses certain esoteric quantum effects to detect changes in the angle of the earth's magnetic field and thus to figure out which way is north*.

It all happens when a small package of light (a photon) reaches a special protein (cytochrome) found in the eye of the robin. The photon causes an electron to be expelled from the cytochrome. The hole is then filled with one of a quantum entangled electron pair such that a superposition of singlet/triplet states is created in the pair (yes, in the world of quantum physics, electrons can be 'superposed' in two states at the same time, with no problem at all - think of it like the state your human is in when you have done something bad, but also funny, and they are cross and laughing at the same time). Anyway the point is, that the laughing but also cross electron can easily tipped towards one or the other state, depending on the tilt of the earth's magnetic field, which is of course latitude sensitive. (In the same way that, if your human is still in the angry-but-amused state, and you tilt your head at a certain angle, this might impel your human to smile and forget all about shouting at you).

I am sure it is quite clear now, how robins find their way to your mantlepiece at Christmas, and so we would all like to say 'Happy Birthday' to quantum physics, and to salute the great founding fathers** of this weird and wonderful branch of science.

Niels Bohr and Albert Einstein ponder the mysteries of quantum physics

*Note we are talking about the European robin here, smaller and cuter the American so-called robin, which I believe is actually a thrush!

**Max Planck, Albert Einstein, Niels Bohr, Werner Heisenberg, Wolfgang Pauli, Erwin Schrödinger, Louis de Broglie, Max Born, Paul Dirac.

PS from Gail: this post was inspired the book 'Life on the Edge: The Coming of Age of Quantum Biology' by Jim Al-Khalili and Johnjoe Mcfadden. A recommended Christmas read for those who like their popular science to be a tiny bit challenging!

The Blogville Darwin-lite Award Competition

Bouncing Bertie Boffin here. Blogville's Chief Scientific Advisor. It's been too long.

Now I expect many of you have heard of 'The Darwin Awards', which each year honour the human being who has brought about the greatest improvement to the gene pool by eliminating him or herself in the most unusual and unintelligent fashion. (It's usually a him, obviously).

Well us pups hardly need reminding that the evidence for the humans being the most highly evolved species is, well, specious at best. You'll know this, for sure, simply by observing the people with whom you live.

So I have decided to run my own competition, which I am naming the 'Blogville Darwin-lite Award'. It is 'lite' because I am most certainly not looking for stories involving an actual fatality. Rather, I would like  to hear about occasions when your human has acted in a way that can be taken as proof positive against the notion of 'intelligent design'.

Since Gail has decreed that I am banned from entering the contest, I won't bother telling you again about the time she decided to 'calm me down' by squirting Rescue Remedy up my nose on a crowded platform at Aberdeen railway station...

A very special prize will be awarded to the best entry, and the judgement will be made according to a set of rules too complex and abstruse for any human to understand.

To enter, please leave a comment on this post, either (1) describing the episode in sufficient detail for the incredible stupidity of the human involved to be plain for all to see, or (2) referencing an explanatory post on your own blog.

The deadline for entries will be 30th June, and the winner announced on 2nd July, together with an in depth scientific analysis of course...

PS If you write an entry on your own blog, please use the image at the top of this post to indicate your participation in the contest, and include the words 'Darwin-lite' somewhere in the title. You can post any time up to the deadline. Please also feel free to link to the 'blog hop' below. (And a big thank you to  Oz the Terrier for setting it up.)

Finding the ideal mate (scientifically)

Fellow pups, thank you all so much for your many and various responses to the question I posed last month, when I asked you to tell me what attracts you to a potential mate.

In good time for Valentine's Day, based on the data you kindly provided, plus my own unique in-depth analysis using specially devised scientific algorithms, I can now exclusively reveal the perfect, evidence-based formula for a successful partnership.

It seems that to appeal to the 'typical' (I refuse to say 'average') Blogville citizen, you need to be:

PLAYFUL (this is absolutely the most important thing) + WELL ACCESSORIZED (e.g. a ball, a bucket and spade, a sharp suit) + POSSESSED OF DESIRABLE PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES (long legs, nice tail and sexy ears are particular priorities) + BEHAVIOURALLY COMPATIBLE (e.g. both enjoy being treated like royalty) + RESPECTFUL OF OTHERS' SENSITIVITIES (not all pups like to play rough) + A GOOD HUNTER (effective rodent killing seems to be a preferred trait, especially amongst the terriers) + ROTUND (indicating access to a great food supply - impressive logic there Stella!) + OPEN WITH YOUR EMOTIONS (not a problem with most pups, I suspect).

What else did I learn?

(1) Diva cats (yes I am thinking of you, Mayoress Emeritus Madi) are picky, picky, picky.
(2) Although many dogs are open to a romance with different breed groups, there does seem to be a tendency for terriers to favour other terriers.
(3) The delicate topic of neutering was, perhaps surprisingly, only raised once and in general one must conclude that the lack of, er, 'equipment' does not dampen romantic ambitions.
(4) It is well known that dogs as a species vary more in size than other animals. Amongst most Blogville citizens, common sense prevails and partners of approximately the same height are generally sought.
(5) Finally, full marks to Aunty Yam for pointing out that us four leggers are SO MUCH better than our humans at keeping things simple and straightforward in affairs of the heart.

I trust you found this analysis helpful. Wishing you all the best for February 14th…

My darling Addi 

Respectfully,
Bouncing Bertie Boffin
(Director of Scientific Affairs).

PS Addi, you are the only girl for me...

Goodbye satnav, hello dog poo?

What a good thing that Gail’s friend the Oil Man has had his work visa for Yemen revoked. 

Why so, I hear you ask?

Well had he not been kicking his heels in Dubai, I doubt he would have had time to email Gail about the latest exciting breakthrough in canine research*. To my great shame, both she and I had missed reading about this study, which purports to show that when us pups poo we align ourselves with the earth’s magnetic field.

Yes really!  

Gosh I am so impressed that a team of dedicated scientists would collect data from over 7000 individual canine defecation and urination 'events’ to come up with this earth shattering discovery.  I am proud to tell you that fox terriers were amongst the 37 breeds participating in such important work. And my esteemed godmother Tootsie will be interested to know that fully a quarter of the dogs involved were dachshunds – possibly (I am speculating here) due to the ease of measuring the orientation of such an elongate breed.

Now I am not going to bore you with the finer details of the research, but I thought you might like at least to see an image illustrating the measurement principle. 

A paragraph from the paper’s abstract is also worth quoting:

“Magnetic alignment is a suitable paradigm to scan for the occurrence of magnetosensitivity across animal taxa with the heuristic potential to contribute to the understanding of the mechanism of magnetoreception and identify further functions of magnetosensation apart from navigation”.

All clear now? 

Oh and you should definitely know that all the ‘events’ were recorded when the participants were off leash, to ensure unbiased data. 

More good news is that we can look forward to a follow-up paper, given these words - another direct quote from the original publication - about the male dog urination: “Indications of different directional tendencies depending on which leg (left or right) is lifted are currently under study”. 

I am sorry to report that Gail does not agree with me about the significance of this fascinating research and has poo-poo’d my idea that dog owners could soon be throwing away their satnavs. And when I suggested we could contribute new data if she carried a compass and notebook on future walks she just gave me a ‘look’ and said people would rightly question her sanity. 

In fact, Gail went so far as to say she suspects the study’s authors Hart et al. of a blatant attempt to win an award at the 2014 Ig Nobel Prize ceremony. 

It is tough, sometimes, for even the most bouncy of Boffins to soldier on in the face of such cynicism. But fear not, it will take more than a sceptical owner to deter me from my mission to educate and enlighten my readers about the wonderful world of science! 

*Hart et al., Frontiers in Zoology 2013, 10:80 http://www.frontiersinzoology.com/content/10/1/80

"You eat a ton of muck....."

(Subtitle: Mud, Mud, Glorious Mud...)

Good morning friends, I hope you are having a simply splendid Holiday!

Now a dose festive jollity is all very well, but I suspect that some of my friends will be tiring by now of the Yo Ho Ho business and be yearning to read a blog post with a tad more intellectual and scientific rigour.

Fear not. You have come to the right place.

So I was all for tackling the mysterious matter of the Virgin Birth, but Gail insists that this topic is above even my pay grade, and has steered me instead in the direction of the 'Hygiene Hypothesis'.

Whether this relates in any way to the fact that we have now been six days staying with Human Granny in Nottingham and Gail claims still to be waiting for her first meal made from food within its use by date, I leave you to decide...

For those of you unfamiliar with the theory, the 'Hygiene Hypothesis' states that allergies and ailments like asthma have become much more prevalent in recent years because human babies are not exposed to enough dirt and bacteria and this weakens the development of their immune responses.

So one would predict that, being born in a manger, asleep on the hay, surrounded by all those lowing cattle etc., the baby Jesus would have started life with a tip top immune system. Likewise, Gail having been brought up in a household where a complaint about some dirt on a windfall apple served for dessert was met with the gnomic quote from her Yorkshire grandfather "You eat a ton of muck before you die", can boast a cast iron digestion.

Now you may have heard that we in the UK are enjoying a 'brown Christmas'. I can't think why Gail and HGY disapprove all this mud and don't seem to want me "trailing it all over the carpet..."  Did you know that in a teaspoon of soil there are approximately a billion bacteria? So healthy! But the humans would insist I was all cleaned before I was allowed to visit Human Grandad in his nursing home yesterday. (He was finally discharged from hospital a week ago). HGD was only briefly awake, but he did give me a lovely smile and a pat on the head before he fell back to sleep again.

You know, he spend his childhood outdoors playing on Ashdown Forest with his big brother Jack, building dens, fishing in muddy streams, bringing home grass snakes as pets etc. etc. Perhaps that's why he has lived so long.

So in honour of HGD, I decided to go right back out there and find some more dirt...

Carry on wagging - a letter to the editor of Current Biology

Dear Sir,

Re: the recent 'Tail Wagging' paper 

As the recognised scientific advisor to 'Blogville' (the well known international community of dog bloggers), I, wire-haired fox terrier Bouncing Bertie Boffin, wish to respond to the paper by Siniscalchi et al,   (on the topic of interpretation of tail wagging in my 'conspecifics') with some general comments and a report on my own related studies. 

In case you doubt my credentials as a researcher, I would refer you to this page on my blog, which contains links to my many past pronouncements on a wide range of scientific subjects.

My latest investigations were prompted by a degree of cynicism regarding the basic assumption in the Siniscalchi paper, namely, that there is an asymmetry in tail wags of us dogs, with a bias to the right when we are happy, and to the left when anxious and apprehensive. 

So, using the power of the internet, I 'crowd-sourced' my own dataset by asking my dog blogging colleagues to supply me with results of their own tail wagging experiments. Note that my investigation, which includes data from the UK, the USA, Canada, France, Australia and Switzerland, turned out to be considerably more wide ranging that Dr Siniscalchi's study, limited as it was, I understand, to dogs resident in Italy. 

The experimental method and the raw data collected can be found in my previous post 'On tail wagging and the scientific method'.

My findings are shown in the following graph.

So to summarise: in a study population n=21, not a single dog, of any age, breed, gender or geographic location, exhibited the predicted rightwards bias to their tail wag on being offered a treat. 

Now far be it for me to question the good intentions of the Dr Siniscalchi and his colleagues. I have no doubt that they approached this topic aiming for the utmost scientific rigour. However, I would have to query whether any of those tasked by your esteemed journal with peer reviewing this research were at all familiar with dog behaviour. Surely, they should have realised that a simplistic classification of a dog's tail wag as either leftward, rightward or symmetrical is a woefully inadequate system, ignoring, for example, the following types of 'wag' (all either mentioned by my study population or practiced by myself): the propellor, the random thrash, the coffee table clearer, the vertical shake, the 'vibrator', the whole body twist, the tail tucked under, etc. etc. 

My owner, herself a scientist of sorts, has warned me that human researchers can be a touchy lot, and not all have a sense of humour…. To reassure any delicate egos that my only concern is the furtherance of high quality experimental science, I, along with my dog blogging colleagues, would like to put ourselves at the disposal of Dr Siniscalchi's group for any follow-up studies they have in mind. In exchange for travel expenses to Italy, comfortable accommodation, a plentiful supply of treats for us dogs and wine for our humans*, we shall I'm sure be happy to wag our tails for as long and in whatsoever direction as is required for the expansion of knowledge…

Yours most sincerely, 

Bouncing Bertie Boffin. 

*I am indebted to my friend Wyatt for this excellent suggestion.

On tail wagging and the scientific method

Great news folks! I am aware that things have been rather quiet lately on the Bouncing Bertie Boffin front. Well, fret not. The drought is over.

As an enthusiastic tail wagger myself, (see Waggly Wednesday) you can imagine how excited I was to learn that some chappies in Italy have published a scientific paper* on the topic of dog tail wagging and left/right asymmetries.

Yes of course this is a subject worthy of serious study. I mean not every one can be focussed on curing cancer or solving global warming can they?

Apparently it is already known - at least to a select group of researchers in Italy - that we pups are supposed to wag our tails to the right when we are happy and relaxed, like when our owner approaches with treats, and to the left when apprehensive.

And now we have this this new study, in which the (human) authors claim to have demonstrated, by measuring changes in heart rate, that us pups can read the messages implicit in the asymmetric tail movements of our fellow dogs.

Yes really. 

Really? 

I hope you have spotted a degree of cynicism in the wording of my description of this research. 

Scientists are taught to be sceptical and always to rigorously and critically examine the evidence and I think that such an approach is appropriate here.  

I mean, so many questions immediately spring to mind don't they?

• These dogs in the study, were they all Italian? If so, might there be an element of learned behaviour, what with living amongst a population of humans known to be such enthusiastic gesticulators?
• What about yours truly? I tell you, all week since she read the paper, Gail has been carefully studying slow motion videos of me excitedly waving my not inconsiderable tail and as yet has failed to detect a bias to either left or right.
• Should we be concerned about in-breeding in this particular research community, having noted that fully 50% of the papers cited in this new study are written or co-written by one of its authors?
• Can we treat seriously a paper when, in the discussion section, it refers to work investigating dogs' responses to the tail-wagging of a life sized robotic dog replica? I kid you not. 

Well fellow canines, you will be thrilled to learn that together we can surely surmount the shortcomings of this research and make a significant contribution to science. 

All you need is a bag of treats (to induce an appropriate amount of happy tail wagging, obviously) and an observant human. 

Oh and you might like to remind your human that sound science requires an experiment to be repeated many times over, so they will need a BIG bag of treats.

Please report your results (left wag, right wag, or no bias either way) as comments on this post, and feel free to add any supplementary information you think might be relevant.

A full analysis of the data provided will be published on this blog in due course.


*Siniscalchi et al., Seeing Left- or Right-Asymmetric Tail Wagging Produces Different EmotionalResponses in Dogs, Current Biology (2013), http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.cub.2013.09.027 

The limits of science...(Boffin admits defeat)

Finally, we come to the results of my 'Science of Human Behaviour' project (for background, see 1st July post).

I have to tell you that when I first embarked on this study, Gail was a bit uneasy, saying "I hope you realise that you have chosen a very complicated subject Bertie, I fear you might have bitten off more than you can chew".

Well I reminded her that I have, I believe, an infinite capacity for chewing, so that really shouldn't be a problem. 

One month later, I have come to the conclusion that Gail was right and I am having to eat my own words....

Oh you have no idea how hard it has been, trying to make sense of all the fascinating reports you kindly sent me about the behaviour of the humans in your household. 

My starting point, naturally, was a sociobiological perspective. Surely, I thought, all human actions can be interpreted in Darwinian terms as evolutionary aids to survival.

To render the data more manageable, my first step was to divide it into broad categories. By and large this worked, and most of the reported behaviours fell into one of the following four groups.

Group A: Human exhibiting meanness to dog (e.g. withholding the tastiest food) 

Group B: Human ignoring dog (e.g. by going to work or to the gym)

Group C: Poor logic shown by human (e.g. shaving off their own furs then complaining of the cold)

Group D: Extreme excitement or distress of human when sport is on TV (you should have seen Gail watching the Tour de France last weekend...)

So far so good.

But then I tried to work out the adaptive rationale behind all these behaviours, and started to lose confidence.

Can one explain the human urge to spend time dressing up their pup in cute frocks in terms of the survival of the fittest? What has refusing to share a cheeseburger with your dog to do with altruism? Can there really be a 'selfish gene' for not allowing a pet enough computer time? 

Feeling quite overwhelmed, I confided in my neighbour Jake. It seems I asked the right dog. 

Jake tells me he knows all about human behaviour 'cos he shares a household with a nearly qualified Jungian psychotherapist! 

So, I learn it was a big mistake ever to imagine that the reductive, mechanistic methods of scientific analysis would be the right approach. Apparently what most of the respondents to my survey will need, for their behaviour to be understood, is years of (expensive) individual therapy in which their subconscious can be thoroughly scrutinised and their dream world subject to in depth exploration. 

Oh and Jake tells me he'll accept gravy bones as commission for every new client he brings to his human.

As for me, I have decided in future to stick to the natural sciences.

PS Remember it's my Olympic Bouncing Event on Sunday. You will absolutely love all the entries, I promise!

Experimental results and a confidence crisis

To: Frankie Furter, Mayor of Blogville

Dear Frankie,

Oh dear, oh dear, oh deary deary me.

I felt so honoured to be asked by you, my esteemed friend, to put on a science demonstration at the Blogville Picnic in the Bark.

It seemed such a good idea at the time. A series of water-related scientific experiments, especially designed to be educational, enjoyable and canine-relevant.

Now I am beginning to doubt my scientific vocation.

Perhaps I should go back to doing just mainstream dog stuff. You know. Chewing toys. Sniffing. Enjoying ear scritchies and tummy tickles. Licking my private parts. Bouncing around.

About last Saturday's experiments. I have been poring over the results all week, desperately trying to make sense of the data.

I have failed. Miserably.

The first experiment looked the most promising. I had thirteen willing participants, Dex and Lou, Dexter, Pip, Jazzi, Sarge, Asta, Shawnee, Daisy, Kendra and Bella, Ludo, and Jed. I took into account everyone's useful suggestions and devised a cunning plan to allow for differences in size, coat type, grooming regime, and degree to which the Mums and Dads had past histories of noisy aversion to cold water. I had my stopwatch and my microphone at the ready. There was much shaking of wet coats and squealing of Mums and Dads.

I know. It was foolish of me to stand right by the pond while taking the measurements. The tsunami created when Dexter and Jed leapt in together swept me off my paws, and I fear that my electronic recording instruments did not survive the immersion...

As for the second experiment. It soon became clear from all the comments that my past attempts to educate the dog-blogging community into the nature of the scientific process have been falling on deaf ears (of all shapes and sizes).

I had hoped that my students would by now be able to distinguish between a serious scientific experiment and a race! How could so many of them fail to appreciate that a test of the hypothesis that dogs with longer legs can swim faster is not a swimming competition? And that winning is not the point. Yes I'm looking at you especially, Tessa. Now I don't know which dog it was that decided to 'cheat' by handing out large plates of pilfered tube steaks and bratwurst to some of the participants immediately before the experiment, and slipping collars weighted with lead onto others, all I can say for certain is that I am desperately disappointed in each and every one of those involved. Pip, Frankie, Sarge, Asta, Puddles and Jed, did you really mean for it to be one big fiasco?

Then there was the third experiment Frankie. Or rather there wasn't. WHERE WERE ALL THE VOLUNTEERS? MANGO? I can only conclude that, to a man, the purportedly 'all male' doggies feared looking 'small' after a fifteen minute dip in the 10ºC water.

And you know what? Gail has been no help at all. When I told her that none of my friends had offered to have their testicles photographed, strictly in the cause of science, was she sympathetic? She was not.

"Well Bertie," she said, "I think you should do as Toby suggested, and volunteer yourself. That's what a really dedicated scientist would do. Did you know that when Sir Isaac Newton was conducting experiments into the nature of light, he poked a darning needle into his own eye socket to test the theory that colour perception is caused by pressure on the eyeball?"

As you can imagine, I explained to Gail very patiently that since I was conducting the experiments myself I could not possibly take part, and while I appreciated her offer of help I didn't think it at all appropriate that she should take 'before' and 'after' photographs of me...

But instead of saying "yes Bertie, you're right, of course, as always," Gail just gave me a LOOK.

Well that was the final straw.

I am so downhearted and discouraged.  All that hard work, and for nothing.

Maybe I should hand back my badge of office?

Your most despondent Scientific Advisor,
Bertie Boffin (not feeling very bouncy today).

Bertie Boffin at the Blogville Picnic

Welcome welcome welcome!

I hope you are enjoying the Blogville Picnic and I am so pleased that you have made it over to my Science Corner. As you know, I take my role as Scientific Advisor to Blogville most seriously...

This weekend, here by the pond, and with your help, I am going to conduct a series of water-related science experiments. My aim is to demonstrate to you the scientific process of using experiments to test theories.

We are going to conduct three experiments, each investigating a different hypothesis.

HYPOTHESIS 1: The thicker the dog's coat, the more water it holds.

Method: The dog jumps in the water and straight out again. It then shakes itself all over its human. We record the breed of dog and measure the volume and duration of its owner's squeals, these parameters can be used as an indirect indicator of the amount of water soaked up and then released by the dog.


HYPOTHESIS 2: The longer a dog's legs, the faster it can swim.

Method: We assemble a sample of dogs of widely differing heights, from chihuahua to greyhound, and stand them at one end of the pond, lined up from shortest to tallest. Gail then runs to the other side of the pond with a handful of tasty treats, which she waves invitingly as she calls them across, and records the time each dog takes to swim the 25m distance.


HYPOTHESIS 3: As with human males, certain 'private' parts of the male dog anatomy shrink in size when exposed to cold water.

Method: We find a cohort of 'intact and proud of it' male dogs, preferably ones that are nicely warmed up, perhaps after chasing the lady dogs around the picnic site. We carefully photograph their undersides. We then stand them in the pond for 15 minutes (and remember that this corner of the picnic is taking place in Scotland and the water temperature is at most 50ºF/10ºC).  We take another photo when they step out. We compare the dimensions 'before' and 'after' in a most rigorous, objective and scientific manner.....

Got all that?

Now then, I would like you to comment critically on the possible flaws in the experimental designs (i.e. tell me what might possibly go wrong), maybe suggest ways in which the research could be improved, and predict - giving reasons - what you think the results should be.

I would also like you to tell me which experiment(s) you wish take part in. Feel free to volunteer your friends too!

The experiments will be conducted on Saturday afternoon and I will be compiling a full analysis of the results, to be presented in a separate post shortly after the picnic is over.

Thanks for stopping by!

PS In a parallel universe, Gail and I arrived safe and well at human Granny and Grandad's, and I was awarded a stellar 9 out of 10 for my behaviour on the train yesterday. More on this next week when we are back in Aberdeen ...

The Bouncing Boffin Springs into Action!

Blogging friends,

I know that many of you have been lying awake at night and thinking "oh, I do wonder when Bertie Boffin is going to resume his excellent and so very informative series of science lectures. We were most enlightened by his unique take on thermodynamics, geology and quantum physics last Autumn and are hungry for more".

Well, now that I have been officially confirmed by Mayor Frankie Furter in my position as 'Scientific Advisor' to Blogville (an honour which surely confers an added layer of authority and credibility to my youthful pronouncements), I feel duty bound to redouble my efforts at educating the canine community in all matters scientific....

Spring has finally arrived in Aberdeen (yes really!) and this has set my mind to thinking about the contentious topic of Climate Change.

I have been reviewing the available literature on this subject, and have arrived at the conclusion that important gaps in the data still need to be filled, and that we as a community can contribute.

Now, I hesitate to criticise my fellow scientists, but I do feel that, when considering the issue of warmth and cold, humans have persisted with too limited an approach, focussed on measuring temperature changes in terms of degrees Centrigrade and Fahrenheit.  I propose to broaden the analysis of climatic conditions by considering possible dog-relevant alternatives. This is where YOU come in:

All I'm asking is that you leave a comment on this post, to tell me about your own personal indicator* that Spring is in the air. Southern hemisphere friends will have to think back a few months. Also please tell me whether, according to this indicator, Spring in your part of the world is arriving earlier or later than it used to. To complete my database, I will also need to have some idea of where you live.

Later in March, when I have gathered sufficient new data and had time to perform a detailed analysis, I shall present my conclusions in a paper, which I hope to submit to a peer-reviewed journal for publication. As is the fashion in science these days, all those who have made even the smallest contribution to the paper (e.g. by leaving a comment) will be listed as a co-author.

I am highly optimistic that, given the global reach of the dog blogosphere, this collaborative research project will be truly groundbreaking.

It will without a doubt be novel!

*Examples of indicators could be: the first day I venture out without my winter jacket, or, the last day my human positively enjoys the warm feeling in their hands when picking up my poop. And please remember, top level science requires creativity! 

PS The more data points the better the analysis, so please also encourage all your friends to participate!

Earth science is not just for terriers

What sort of rock is the wall behind me made of?  (clue: I am in Aberdeen)

Bouncing Bertie Boffin here (you may called me B-cubed).

The next topic we will tackle in my lecture series for budding canine scientists will be geology.

Now the study of rocks is best conducted outdoors. OK, I know what you're thinking, after last week, it's clear that any class involving dogs is best conducted outdoors....

It just so happens that the North of Scotland, my home patch, is widely known as a Mecca for geologists. So in two weeks time I shall be leading a field trip and we shall visit some famous localities in the stunning landscapes of the Highlands and Islands.

I would love to say that all my friends are welcome, but I am a little concerned that this class (and Stella there is no need to write 'class' in inverted commas, it sends out entirely the wrong message...) will be oversubscribed. We can only take a small minibus down the narrow and twisty Highland roads. So before accepting your registrations I am going to ask you to complete a little task.

I want you to provide some evidence - we scientists like evidence - that you are well prepared for field work in Scotland.

Please feel free to use your imaginations here. All the best science students have a strong creative streak. There is no single right way to complete this exercise. But here are just a few suggestions to get you started:

Perhaps you can demonstrate a prior interest in the practical aspects of Earth Science.

Perhaps you could show me that you will be able to withstand our inclement climate / possess the appropriate weatherproof clothing. (A hint to my more fashion forward friends: what works on Seventh Avenue is not necessarily suitable for a Scottish bog).

Maybe you have some photos illustrating that boulders, cliffs, mountains and midges are totally your thing.

A familiarity with the customs and traditions of the Scottish Highlands would be a distinct advantage.

You can submit your applications for the field trip by adding a comment on this post, or better yet by posting something appropriate on your own blog (but please let me know in the comment box if you do the latter so I can make sure I link to it). Deadline for submissions is Friday 8th October. The field trip will take place on Monday 11th October.

I look forward to hearing from the students who attended last Monday's class, and perhaps some new ones. And yes Stella, please do encourage Ludo to apply. I know his Mum is very busy at the moment but I think this subject will suit him down to the ground.

Finally, feedback from the Thermodynamics lecture has indicated a rather regrettable obsession with the availability of 'foodables'.  Please remember that these classes are about expanding one's mind not one's girth.....

Lecture No. 1: Thermodynamics

Now attention dogs! My name is Bouncing Bertie Boffin. Welcome to this special lecture series for budding canine scientists. How pleasing to see so many fresh and eager faces. I am new to this lecturing business so I hope you will be patient with me!

Today's topic is the second law of thermodynamics, which states that the universe always tends to an increasingly disordered state.

But before we begin in earnest, there are a few things I need to say.

Molly, Taffy and Monty - can you hear me OK at the back there?

Stella - here is a pencil and some paper, so you now have absolutely no excuse not to take notes.

George! Go tip that pint of Ironbridge Pale Ale down the sink, RIGHT NOW!

'Professor' Agatha - that doctor's note from your brother Archie saying he has a headache is CLEARLY FORGED. Please make sure he attends next time or I shall be instigating special disciplinary measures..

Lola - listen carefully and I am sure you will understand, after all you are an intelligent dog, not a beagle or something.

Mango - so nice to see you sitting there all enthusiastic. You are pleased to be away from that purple room, no doubt!

Petey - please note there will be NO COPYING HOMEWORK. All texts submitted will be run through my specially DWB adapted anti-plagiarism software...And anyway, I doubt that Mango's efforts will be of much use to you. I fear that you are making the mistake of conflating head size with academic prowess...

Tubby Toby - so good too see one so young and so keen to learn. Now you will remember to raise your paw if you need the bathroom, won't you?

Jake and Fergi - oh how nice it is to have such intelligent students in my class, I can see you two are going to be a pleasure to teach. Yes I totally agree with your suggestion that I am a canis lupus familiaris veryspecialis. Ten out of ten already.

Eric - I am assigning you the special role of helping Jake and Just Harry from Florida with problems they might be having with UK English word usage. Aunties Martha and Bailey can also assist with any specifically Scottish vocabulary.

Dozer and Coop - just a quick word. I fear you may have missed the point of coming to class. It is not all about scoring treats, it is about improving the mind. At least Jazzi seems to have grasped that particular point (you weren't expecting tacos were you my dear?)

Oh, what a shame that Wilf does not seem to have made it. Those French air traffic controllers can be so difficult...

Well done Riley, by the way, for arriving on time, all the way from the Antipodes!

Oh hello Tessa, and all you Scotties from Rocky Creek, do come in, yes, there is still room at the back. And sweet little Katie, living proof that science students can be pretty too, why don't you sit right here on the front row. Perhaps you would like some private tuition later.....

Now. What were we going to talk about? Ah yes. Disordered states.

George! I said DOWN THE SINK! not OVER MOLLY'S HEAD!

Eric! How is Stella ever going to take notes if her paper is shredded? And her pencils all chewed up?

Jazzi - I can see what you are up to. Please bring that mobile phone to me  RIGHT NOW. Texting an order to TACO BELL indeed!

Oh dear, we seem to have a little puddle on the floor. And Mango it is very mean of you to blame little Toby, don't imagine I can't tell the difference between slobber and pee...

Oh thank you so much Jake and Fergi for fetching the towel and mopping it all up.

Now where were we?

Ah yes, the concept that the overall level of disorder, also known as entropy, is ever increasing. For example....

What?

Oh dear. Another mess on the floor. George, just how many pints did you drink before you came to class today?

Thank you again, Special Wires.  Look I have some biscuits here just for you two. Oh and one for Katie of course...

Eric, Jake and JH - STOP THAT SNIGGERING. Yes I know that the English language contains a wide variety of colourful expressions to describe George's disgraceful condition, but that is not relevant to today's topic.

Dozer! Coop! Jazzi! No! NO!! Those treats are meant for Jake and Fergi. It is very bad of you to steal them. Lola! Monty! Sit. Sit! SITTT! Oh little Toby, please don't be crying...

No, Aunties, I am not losing control. Not at all. Everything is quite in order. This class is not about to degenerate into one big 'stushie' or 'stramash' so there is no need to explain those words either.

DOGS! PLEASE! PLEASE! 

NO! 

Oh dear, it seems we have run out of time for today.

Announcing the Bouncing Boffin!

Now that it's the new school year, my friends, we are going to turn attention to our broader education!

In particular, I have no doubt it has already occurred to you that matters scientific, whilst so crucial to our everyday lives in the twenty-first century, have been, to date, sadly neglected in blogs written by members of the species Canis lupus familiaris. 

Time to redress the balance!

Well I think you may know that my human carer Gail has pretensions to being some sort of a scientist.

And in a striking example of nurture triumphing over nature, I too am developing a fascination with the subject.

So I am planning a series of occasional lectures in the forthcoming winter months in which I intend to enlighten you all, giving the canine perspective on an assortment of fundamental scientific principles. Think of it as a dog's breakfast....

There will be no shying away from the challenging  topics - relativity, cosmology, evolution, quantum mechanics, genetics, earth science, biodiversity, nuclear physics and much else, all presented in a dog friendly manner and with my customary youthful bounce! (Gail is saying something about 'channeling my energies in a constructive fashion'.)

What's more, if any of my canine friends out there want to propose a topic that might be worthy of my special attention, please do let me know. Nothing trivial, please!

To ease us in gently, my first lecture, scheduled for some time next week, will concern the second law of thermodynamics, which states that everything tends inexorably to a state of increasing disorder, a concept that I suspect is already familiar to most dogs and their owners.  Perhaps, to prepare for the lecture, some of you might like to suggest an example or two where you have observed this law to apply in everyday life....

B. Bertie Boffin
The Brian Cox of the Dog Blogosphere.