My kind of a day

So our wee poodle guest Ella woke me up early on Christmas morning and wanted to know what we'd be doing that day. 

To be honest, I had no idea. But shortly after, when we were all up and about, I observed Gail filling the vacuum flask with coffee, tucking a few treats (dog and human) into her daypack along with her Bernie Sanders style mittens, and I whispered to Ella that I thought we might be going for a nice long walk and a picnic somewhere.

Soon we two dogs were bundled into the back of the car and were heading inland towards Aboyne. Ella, who has quite a good brain underneath all that adorable fluff, confided in me her worries that Gail had not packed enough food for the three of us, and this remained a concern until an hour later we arrived at the Glen Tanar car park.

There we found our friends M and J, and their friend K. To my great relief I saw that M had come equipped with all the makings of a feast, and these were being placed in the humans' various backpacks for, one presumed, later consumption. 

Suitably equipped, we set off up the glen, Ella a bit nervous at first but soon getting into the spirit of things. 

At -2ºC when we left the car park, it was slippery underfoot/paw, and chilly enough for me to be glad of my Nordic sweater. For brief moments the sun did peep over the sides of the valley. 

After a couple of miles we reached the picnic destination and the humans expressed relief that their favoured spot beneath the bridge had not already been taken. 

That this was a better class of picnic than the sort Gail usually puts together was evident from the moment M laid out a table cloth on the snow-covered stone bench.

I was tied to a nearby tree trunk and given a top quality chew while the humans consumed their turkey sandwiches, tasty nibbles, tiramisu and 1/4 can each of naturally chilled Prosecco. I thought it a bit unfair that Ella was allowed to roam free during the picnic, and wasn't too happy when Gail said "it's because she has better manners than you do Bertie". 

But then I remembered it is the season of goodwill. I decided to accept the situation and sat there quietly as the humans drank a toast to many more Merry Christmases (and I was given another treat...) 

All in all, it was my kind of a Christmas Day. And Gail's too, I believe.

Neighbourhood Christmas news in 2020...

So on Sunday afternoon I accompanied Gail on her annual short walk around the neighbourhood to deliver local Christmas cards. I donned my Nordic pullover in an endeavour to inject some (Gail said much needed) festive cheer into the proceedings.

It worked! A few paces up the road we ran into our friend Yvonne's daughter Leah. She stopped and admired my attire. I take this as a high compliment 'cos Leah is these days a very chic young lady,  home for Christmas from her Paris-based job. Leah looked puzzled when Gail expressed hope that she would get back to France OK in the New Year. We think she'll by now have heard the news about the new Covid variant and the borders closing.

Just around the corner, we handed a card to our elderly friend Martin, who was twiddling with the fairy lights in his front garden. Martin's wife has a lung condition and has been shielding all year, and this sociable pair will not be hosting their usual Hogmanay party. Neither will anyone else it seems, at least not legally. 

A little further on, we felt a bit sad to pass the entrance to the house which used to belong to Max and Ros, a lovely couple who moved away to Ilkley in Yorkshire earlier in the year. By now it was 3:30 pm and getting dark. The new residents have done a fine job with their decorations (that's the house pictured above) but we miss Max and Ros. Gail had hoped we could visit them back in the summer. Maybe 2021...

Finally we saw a neighbour whom we won't name. He was loading up presents to deliver to his two beloved grandchildren who live about 150 miles away in Peebles. He shouldn't really be doing this according to our latest restrictions, but he assured Gail he was handing over the presents in his daughter's front garden, and would not enter their house. 

It took well over an hour to complete this newsy half mile walk, and on returning home we reflected on the odd times in which we now live.    

Rudolph the Red Nosed Tesla

Gail and I are thinking you might like to see how the Festive Season is shaping up in our neck of the woods. 

Let's go for a wee stroll around the neighbourhood.

Aberdonians are not in general given to ostentatious display. Here, the low key but lovely tradition is to put a Christmas tree in one's bay window, so it can be admired from the street. 

 

Of course, there's always one household that doesn't quite grasp the concept of the modest and tasteful display.

And what did we find right next door to this extravaganza? Oh dear, I fear someone might be feeling rather deflated, having been outshone by the competition...

The local paper shop has made a bit of an effort. Gail says anything to distract from content of the newspapers this year is probably a good idea...

Further along the street, we see a practical illustration of the proposition that in the UK, worship of the Health Service has become the national religion.

Gail and I are both rather fond of this cheerful reindeer fellow, all poised to greet visitors to the house a few doors up from ours. He may not be aware that household mixing is banned right now.

Nearby, another reindeer, rather a pretty one, is shyly prancing behind net curtains in an upstairs window. 

And finally, we are proud to present our new close neighbour, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Tesla, surely the coming thing in environmentally friendly present delivery. 

Sadly, he appears only to have one antler.

Accurate predictions

Well in this household we've given up trying to forecast the spread of The Virus, or the results of a certain Election, but I am pleased to report that my friends who on Monday predicted I would look 'pawsome' in my now completed Nordic jumper were absolutely spot on. 

I'm sure you'll agree.

Now where are my Christmas party invites...?

Usurped...

I'll admit I don't often feel sorry for my border collie 'friend' Hemp (who is not always friendly towards me). After all, Hemp is the main reason I was left home alone on Christmas Day with only my new toy 'Crinkly Rudolf' for company, while Gail went round to Hemp's family for dinner. But afterwards Gail showed me this photo, and told me how Hemp had suddenly materialised out of nowhere, or more likely the kitchen, a nanosecond after his owner Jamie had lifted cute little niece Ina onto his lap, and how Hemp then stared resentfully at Ina for a good ten minutes. And I felt for him, I really did. No-one likes a usurper...

Meanwhile, away from the Christmas festivities, we have been enjoying lots of muddy country walks. 

But you know, it's odd how inconsistent our humans, the supposedly intelligent species, can be. 

Gail is always banging on about how she loves the smell of the fresh country air. 

But when I apply myself to the serious business attaching some of those 'country' smells to my shoulder furs, so we can enjoy them at home too, for some reason Gail gets all cross...

And I get put in the shower.

Back to the 1980s...?

As if last week's election results weren't bad enough...

Gail only went and bought me some 'festive' legwarmers!

Maybe antlers aren't so bad after all...

Bertie shows his lack of patience...

THE FESTIVE PHOTOSHOOT

When northern air is crisp and bright,
And woodland scents excite one's nose,
A bouncing chap thinks it not right
To have to sit and calmly pose.

That perfect Christmas photograph
Can wait another day (or year).
Just watch me gallop down the path,
Then pause to sniff - is this a deer?

My mission's to investigate
Each blade of grass, each fallen leaf.
I absolutely cannot wait,
Our winter daylight's all too brief.

So please accept apologies,
We have no festive pics to show.
This turbo-powered WFT
Has things to do, places to go.

PS from Gail: tomorrow Bertie and I are heading our separate ways on our Christmas vacations, and so this blog too will be "out of office" for a couple of weeks. We wish all our friends a joyful Festive Season. Thank you so much for reading, and we'll be back again just before New Year.

FFF: In his dreams...

This Friday we are once again taking part in YAM-Aunty's Final Friday Fiction challenge. Our prompts this month come from Nan Shepherd's 'The Quarry Wood', and the lines from page 87 are:

Line 8: But the full certainty of understanding
Line 12: Not little, for only thus could he endure
Line 16: So he grew, oft surrendering complete

Following the pattern set by our earlier efforts this year, this story is once again only part fictional...

A Narrow Escape?

Once upon a time a smart, handsome and utterly adorable fox terrier got wind of the fact that his human was planning to desert him in order to go jetting off overseas for the Christmas period.

At first he refused to believe that this could possibly true. But then he overheard a phone conversation in which the owner gave details of her credit card to 'Dothedogs Kennels', a notorious canine internment camp located deep in the forests of Aberdeenshire where the plaintive cries of temporarily abandoned pups could not be heard, and the full certainty of his predicament became clear.

Fortunately, this wily wiry fellow was, true to the terrier type, resourceful and determined. He formulated a plan to wheedle an invitation for Christmas in a warm house with friendly folk who understood the importance of a regular supply of tasty treats, a soft bed, frequent games of tickle and tug-of-war, and long walks in the hills at least every other day, for only thus could he endure the absence of his beloved human.

He immediately set about endearing himself to a soft-hearted neighbour, worming his way into her affections and onto her comfiest sofa with his cheerful and gently bouncy ways. He always made sure he looked his best and never ever rolled in deer poo or decomposing fish when in her company. Of course she could not resist his fuzzy little face, and when she heard of his imminent imprisonment, she cried:

"Oh please tell me this is not true! I cannot imagine how your human can think of surrendering you to such a vile place. No indeed, I absolutely insist you must come and spend the Festive Season at my house, where the treat jar is always full and  your every wish will be my command."

And so it came to pass, and the wire fox terrier lived happily ever after. At least in his dreams...

"Oh I think Bertie needs a walk...."

Believe it or not, I, Bouncing Bertie, have at times in the past come under criticism from my owner Gail, for acting too supine.

Humans are strange creatures aren't they? They insist on crowding together at Christmas, eating and drinking too much, all in the name of seasonal good cheer, and then instead of lapping it all up, certain of them start looking for excuses to escape for a while.

It seems that there have been occasions during Christmases past when Gail has uttered the words  "I think Bertie needs a walk" to general incredulity as I lie snoring quietly in front of the fire.

Well I'm pleased to report that this year I delivered on my side of the bargain in full.

Christmas dinner at Gail's brother's Peak District house had been a drawn out affair, with me, along with my poodle cousins Percy (he' s huge you know) and Coco excluded from the dining room.

Just as Gail was scraping the bottom of her bowl of Christmas pudding and rum sauce, and wondering if there was a slow eating contest she could enter Human Granny for (to assured success) I decided to vocalise my dissatisfaction at the general state of affairs.

Some people tell me my bark is surprisingly high pitched and piercing. And insistent.

But I am sure I was not mistaken in detecting a note of relief in Gail's voice when she was able to say, without eliciting raised eyebrows and knowing glances around the table:

"Oh look it'll be dark soon and Bertie is getting restless. I really do need to take him for a good walk before driving HGY back to Nottingham..."

Gail tells me you will want to see a picture of me somewhat reluctantly posing with Coco, HGY and the two grandchildren before we left on Christmas Day. So here it is.

PS in case you are wondering, Gail did buy me a wee Christmas present, and I now know that goose tendon treats are utterly delicious.

Bertie's Christmas Message

Ahem!

I don't see why the Queen should have exclusive rights to the Christmas Message business. Do you?

Well it has been quite a year, 2016, I must say. What a funny old world this is. And not always in a good way.

For me, it has been a time to expand my horizons, and I want to tell you about a couple of the people I met on my big tour of Europe back in October.

It was late in the evening at the ferry terminal in Harwich when we came upon a bus-load of British Asians heading off for a weekend in Holland. A elderly, sari-clad lady tottered across to us, accompanied by her daughter. While the older lady made a big fuss of me, daughter acted as translator, telling us how her mother had owned a wire-haired fox terrier when she was a wee girl, and how seeing me would probably be the highlight of her trip.

Then there was the nice-looking young Argentinian in the hotel lobby in Amsterdam, who ran over the minute he spotted me and, struggling to hold back tears of emotion, explained how much he was missing Lupe, his beloved WFT, whom he'd left behind in Buenos Aires.

So you know what? It seems to me that humans all over the world, whatever their backgrounds, must have lots of things in common, if only they would take time to talk to each other with goodwill, and kindness in their hearts.

With that, I wish all my friends in every corner of the globe a Happy Christmas and a Peaceful New Year.

An odd sort of Christmas this year

I'll be honest with you, I've had the hardest time of it, getting Gail to take a Christmassy photo for my blog, and this is the best she could manage. 

Let me now show you what the house in Nottingham really looks like at the moment.

I'm told this is the last time I shall be staying in Human Granny's house. As you know, she no longer lives here, and apparently it has been sold and new people are moving in on 8th January. 

To escape the house clearing chaos, I went to spend a quiet moment with Human Grandad in the parish burial ground. I think HGD would have been proud of the way I stood to attention in my best 'alert terrier' pose, and also would have liked the Christmas wreath Gail bought him.

Tomorrow we are taking Human Granny to Derbyshire for Christmas dinner with my poodle cousins Percy and Coco and their family. I am hoping that I shall have some properly festive photos to show you after that visit. I am also hoping that Percy (who is HUGE) will not be too bossy.

A Merry Christmas to my dear readers. I am so fond of you all.

FFHT: And then the chubby elf says...

It's Murphy and Stanley's FFHT time again…..

As related by Gail, to Bertie, upon her recent return from Lapland.

A Christmas Cautionary Tale

Oh Bertie, I am so relieved
To be safe home with you.
My trip to Lapland’s made me see
So many things anew.

I’d always had this fantasy
To visit Santa Claus's home
And ride upon a jingling sleigh,
Pulled by reindeer, noses glowing.

Who knew that reindeer were so wild
And sometimes lose their way?
When lastly we found Santa’s lair,
A sign said ‘Grotto closed today’.

Just two of Santa’s helper elves
Were still on site, one fat one thin.
Oh please, please, please, I cried, oh please
You have to let me in!

“You’re late, the thin one sternly squeaked
And then the chubby elf said
“I’m sorry pal, you’ll have to leave
‘Cos Santa Claus has gone to bed.”

And won't be up now 'til next year.
He's done with all this Christmas stuff,
He can't compete with Amazon,
Those reindeer are not fast enough.

Such bitter disillusion Bert!
This was not what I had in mind.
I did not travel North to meet
A frosty welcome of this kind.

I'm so relieved to be back home
From Lapland. I feel so much merrier
Sat on the sofa, snug and warm
Besides my dear wire-haired fox terrier.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS ONE AND ALL!