Just a pretext for avoiding stuff...?

We've been here, there and everywhere these last few days, despite the sometimes inclement weather.

Gosh it's a busy life being a four legged avoidance accessory.

So on Friday I was taken for a damp walk in Warren Wood, 'cos according to Gail I absolutely needed the exercise, and it was nothing whatsoever to do with her putting off cleaning the house.

On Saturday it rained heavily, but I was still made to go out, at least until it was time to slump in front of the telly and watch some men with big leg muscles cycling up the Col du Tourmalet in the Pyrenees. And so it turned out, purely by chance I'm sure, that there was no time at all left for Gail to clear that large pile of paperwork on her desk.

Sunday, in lieu of washing the car, we apparently needed to accompany Yvonne and Neil, else they would have been lonely on their walk around Loch Kinord.

Then on Monday, despite our lawn needing mowing and me giving every indication I would have been happy to rest up on the sofa,  Gail saw fit to take me along with Henry (her friend from Australia) for a walk up Clachnaben. No soon as we reached the summit for a picnic lunch than Gail and Henry were reaching for their waterproof jackets as the clouds and rain descended once more. So of course it was too wet to cut the grass when we got back home.

Finally, come Tuesday, with Gail at work, I had the opportunity to relax. Well at least until she arrived home, turned on the radio, heard confirmation of the identity of our new Prime Minister, and cried "Bertie, I can't bear to listen to this, we need to go out for a long walk...."

Imagine what it would be like if we actually lived somewhere with a half decent climate!

Bertie is working hard (bless his cotton socks)

I want you to know that I have been working hard analysing the data you all so kindly provided for my Pee-hD thesis. Gosh, when I asked you to tell me how long you can go without needing a 'comfort break', for sure it was like I tapped into a full bladder of information and it all came gushing out...

I am aiming have my thesis ready to present (and defend) on Monday 21 November.

If you are wondering why I am wearing these silly socks, well it is 'cos this week  I have had another flare up of the horrid interdigital cyst problem I get from time to time. Gail is making me wear the socks indoors to stop me licking and chewing my paws.

I was limping so badly earlier in the week I even had to go to the vet. Can you believe, she actually wanted to touch my paws, despite them being ever so sore! I was prescribed some antibiotics and anti-inflammatory tablets.  By this morning my feet were feeling a bit better and I enjoyed a wee run in the park before knuckling down to my research.

Thank You and some Good News

This is Bertie here.

It has come to my notice that Gail hijacked my blog on Sunday and spilled the beans about some health issues I've been having lately.

Really, that was very naughty of her as I don't like to keep boring all my readers with my medical problems.

But it seems that several of you are, like Gail, concerned I might have Lyme disease, and I must say a big Thank You for your kind comments and advice. Well it's clear Lyme disease is rather tricky to diagnose, so Gail and I did some further research, and one thing we learned is that it is far more prevalent in certain parts of the USA than here in the UK. So the jury is still out.

Most definitely I have an interdigital cyst on my front left paw (see below), and I don't like Gail touching it at all, but she will insist on bathing it in antibacterial cleansing stuff.

I do though have some super duper Good News too!

Yesterday, Monday, we went for our usual early walk round the park and afterwards something quite remarkable happened. Gail did not leave to go to work! She stayed at home with me! All day! I was delighted but also puzzled until she reminded me that as of 1st July she is working fewer hours and will no longer be going to the office on Mondays. "Never ever again?" I asked, but received a noncommittal reply.

Well who knows what will happen in the future, but for now I'm quite a Happy Chappie!

The purposeful walk

Can you believe I am sometimes accused of dawdling?

Recently I overheard Gail express the view that I conduct a "go slow" on morning walks round the park. She even has the theory that I do this deliberately in order to prolong the outing and delay her departure to work.

The words "getting a bit middle-aged" have also been uttered with reference to myself.

To which I answer that it takes one to know one.

My favourite weekday mornings...

…are those when Gail works at home for an hour or so before she leaves to attend a meeting…

Sometimes I like to help her with her work.

I study the documents carefully and give her my considered opinion.

Hmm. I am not convinced that a repeat seismic survey after one year's gas production on the Tormore gas field will be useful in helping determine whether additional wells should be drilled, and at a cost of £7 million for the survey, one would have to question the value of the information gained…

It is also my view that the undrilled oil and gas prospects presented here are very risky from a geological perspective, and given the low oil price and the high cost of drilling in the harsh offshore environment of the West of Shetlands basin, I cannot in all conscience recommend that they be pursued further. One feels that if the SNP government were able to see and understand these data, they might be less sanguine about the long term future of Scotland's offshore petroleum industry as a source of valuable tax revenue ...

I wonder what my friends think?

I can't help noticing that there is a certain theme to the names of the gas fields in this offshore 'West of Shetland' area: Glenlivet, Macallan, Bunnehaven, Talisker, Tomatin, Laggan, Tobermory, Tormore, Edradour, Craigellachie…

Is it time yet for a wee dram?

Quantity Time

A Protest Addressed to Gail

I don’t buy your line about ‘Quality Time’
I want it in quantity; I want it now!
Forget about work. Cut loose, go beserk,
Tell the boss you’ve a dog, who needs you, and how!

I want you to stay right beside me all day
On the sofa, the bed or the chair.
I can curl on your lap, maybe take a wee nap,
You can do what you like, I just want you here.

It doesn’t seem right that it’s only at night
We’re together. How cruel that you go
To the office at dawn, only late to return,
And bored I sit waiting and watching for you.

PS from Gail: concerned readers, please be aware that Bertie is exaggerating here for dramatic or poetic effect. I only work a four day week, rarely stay late at the office and he is anyway variously entertained by his dog walker and a kind neighbour in my absence.

FFHT June: Alternative Realities

I knew I needed a good excuse for not taking part in Murphy and Stanley's FFHT this month. And I have one.

It is that I have been abandoned(1), poorly foot and all(2), by Gail, who is living the high life(3) in London(4) this week(5).

Footnotes by Gail:

(1) "Abandoned" as in being cared for by neighbours Kirsty (a vet), her husband Mike and their two amiable dogs, border terrier Bonnie and miniature poodle Jack. Bertie will be having a blast.
(2) "Poorly foot" as in, thankfully, nearly better foot (although vigilance is still clearly required).
(3) "High life" as in being sequestered in an office besides Gatwick Airport, inspecting data on some Norwegian oilfields for the Kuwaiti Government? You decide.
(4) "London". As I said. Actually an office block next to Gatwick Airport.
(5) "Week" as in two days / one night.

Apologies. We will try to do better next month.

Bright and Happy? Or just rather Fluffy?

Did someone confuse me with an oilfield?

Gail came home from work yesterday, looking a bit more ragged than usual.

Something about a near-interminable video conference with a Kuwaiti oil company,  seven hours if you include the prayer breaks.

I could see she needed to let off steam about it, so I lent her a flappy but attentive little ear.

Apparently at this meeting there had been some difficulties with language and understanding, and this even before the Arabic speakers got involved.

Now even a dog, living in Aberdeen Scotland, the so-called 'Oil Capital of Europe', will absorb some of the industry jargon. For example, I find it fascinating how many words are animal related. We know that giant oilfields are 'elephants' whereas regions devoid of oil will be dismissed as 'cow pasture' (or 'moose pasture' to those from Canada). When drilling a 'wildcat' well, one might work in a 'dog house' and place drill pipe in a 'rat hole'. Should one wish to inspect a pipeline, one will probably use an 'intelligent pig'. Yes really!

Given all this colourful vocabulary, perhaps it should come as no surprise to learn that Gail was asked* at one point in this long meeting to distinguish between the 'bright and happy' areas and the 'rather fluffier' areas on her map of an oil field.

But Gail admits she was surprised, and a bit distracted, by this unconventional use of adjectives. Adjectives more commonly associated with, for example, a bouncing wire-haired fox terrier.

Next thing they'll be asking her which parts of the oil map are 'too cute' and which might be 'a tad boisterous'…


*Gail says: Need I add that this unusually phrased question came from an American oilman with an accent indicating origins somewhere below the Mason-Dixon line?

Outsourcing

Gail, I have been thinking. Have you considered outsourcing your job to China? You know, like that programmer 'Bob' chappie in the USA did.

Why ever would I want to do that Bertie?

(Jeez, and this woman is supposed to be intelligent...) Well, obviously, so that you could spend more time with me. Going for walks. Cooking me some of those home made treats we keep reading about on other dog blogs. Practising your dog agility handing skills. Oh I could go on.

But Bertie you see, I quite like my job. You've been to the office, it's a pleasant work environment, only a short walk away. I often come home for lunch don't I? And where else would I have the opportunity to engage in deep and earnest debates about how many football teams in the Highland League have grounds that lie North of the Great Glen Fault?* Plus of course there is the need to fund dog treats and vet insurance.

Gail, your reasoning is not at all convincing. I mean just think. Didn't we have a super time at the cottage in Torridon this weekend? The snow-capped mountains were stunning, for once the skies were sunnier and the ground drier than Aberdeen, we had a lovely evening round at Michael and Renate's (although I confess to being a bit disappointed you didn't ask for a doggie bag, that pork smelled divine...) Wouldn't it have been great to stay over there all week? And frankly, how hard can it be to do your job?

Readers, you know I'm right don't you. Look at these pictures from the weekend and tell me if you too think Gail should 'do a Bob'.

*This conversation really did take place last week, and is what you get in a workplace with an excess of Scottish male geologists....

Office life?

Gail, I have been thinking...

Oh no, Bertie, I fear you have been spending to much time with my mother. This favourite phrase of hers usually precedes some unwelcome pronouncement.

Well Gail, I have been thinking about the job you started a few months ago. I overheard you yesterday talking about your new office, and how the environment was friendly and relaxed.

Er, yes Bertie, it is, mostly.

And that there was plenty of space in the nice big light room where you and three others work.

That's true too.

And that your colleagues are mostly energetic types who enjoy outdoor activities, and there is even a group that goes out walking in the hills one evening a week in the summer.

My Bertie, those flappy little ears of yours hear well.

And that your boss adores animals and owns two horses.

I think I am beginning to see where we're heading with this...

Oh and did you say something about there being a coffee room just down the corridor with free biscuits available every morning? And that just behind the office there is a beautiful riverside path where lots of people exercise their dogs? And that you miss me during the day, and that I'm always well behaved these days when you are working at your computer at home, lying in a quietly encouraging fashion at your feet. And that one of your colleagues brought her cocker spaniel into the office for a couple of hours last week before taking her for a grooming session? It does sound a perfect environment for a wire-haired fox terrier...

Bertie, for a pup with small, beady eyes almost covered in fuzz, you can put on a most effective pleading expression. But the sad truth is that dogs and offices in general don't mix. 

Oh. Oh. Are you quite sure?

Dear little chappie, there's no need to look so downcast. You will meet some of my new workmates next week anyway. We are going on a field trip to look at some rocks near Lossiemouth, and you have been granted special permission to come along too, and even to stay in the hotel with us for one night. 

Really! That's brilliant! Oh I am bouncing with excitement, I just can't wait! A real geological field trip!

Now Bertie, I promised the leader that you were a well-behaved dog and wouldn't be any trouble at all. You won't let me down will you?

(Bertie looks away, insulted at the mere suggestion.)

OK Bertie, I'm so sorry, I'm sure you'll be fine. Now if you'll just stand still a minute while I measure you up for a hard hat...

A walk on the wild side...

You know how it is when you're given a promotion at work?

You think, isn't it great! Finally, I'll be trusted to get on with things by myself, to work independently, with no more too close supervision and irritating micro-management.

Life can be so disappointing.

You will all be aware by now that I was recently elevated from 'Assistant' to 'Associate' Webguide Volunteer for the VisitWoods Scotland project.

And you may remember that Gail and I have already had 'issues' about what that means in terms of who gets to choose which woods we visit.

Nonetheless, I have been operating under the entirely reasonable assumption that an Associate should be allowed to conduct his own inspections of local woods without the need for a hectoring human in close proximity.

We arrived at the entrance to Dunnottar Woods last Friday.

Oh it didn't take long to realise that there was plenty here worth checking out.

And then I caught a whiff of something most interesting in the dense undergrowth.

In such circumstances, I believe I am contractually obliged to conduct a thorough follow-up investigation. 

Look, remember I am an Associate now.

Really Gail made a most ridiculous fuss when she lost sight of me for a few minutes. I can scarcely bear to tell you what happened next, it is so humiliating.

She actually went and spoke to some other humans who were out walking their dogs, and asked if they'd seen a wire-haired fox terrier anywhere. She was on the point of giving them her mobile phone number when I ran back to tell her all about the red squirrels, rabbits and deer that I'd seen, and the wonderful, just wonderful foxy aroma that I simply had to follow through the ferns to the furthest reaches of the wood.

But instead of being impressed, Gail just clamped on my lead - the horror - and said firmly, "that's quite enough independence for today, my wee mannie, you're staying right by my side all the way back to the car". 

As if the promotion had never happened. 

Another busy week at the office