Gail, I have been thinking...
Oh no, Bertie, I fear you have been spending to much time with my mother. This favourite phrase of hers usually precedes some unwelcome pronouncement.
Well Gail, I have been thinking about the job you started a few months ago. I overheard you yesterday talking about your new office, and how the environment was friendly and relaxed.
Er, yes Bertie, it is, mostly.
And that there was plenty of space in the nice big light room where you and three others work.
That's true too.
And that your colleagues are mostly energetic types who enjoy outdoor activities, and there is even a group that goes out walking in the hills one evening a week in the summer.
My Bertie, those flappy little ears of yours hear well.
And that your boss adores animals and owns two horses.
I think I am beginning to see where we're heading with this...
Oh and did you say something about there being a coffee room just down the corridor with free biscuits available every morning? And that just behind the office there is a beautiful riverside path where lots of people exercise their dogs? And that you miss me during the day, and that I'm always well behaved these days when you are working at your computer at home, lying in a quietly encouraging fashion at your feet. And that one of your colleagues brought her cocker spaniel into the office for a couple of hours last week before taking her for a grooming session? It does sound a perfect environment for a wire-haired fox terrier...
Bertie, for a pup with small, beady eyes almost covered in fuzz, you can put on a most effective pleading expression. But the sad truth is that dogs and offices in general don't mix.
Oh. Oh. Are you quite sure?
Dear little chappie, there's no need to look so downcast. You will meet some of my new workmates next week anyway. We are going on a field trip to look at some rocks near Lossiemouth, and you have been granted special permission to come along too, and even to stay in the hotel with us for one night.
Really! That's brilliant! Oh I am bouncing with excitement, I just can't wait! A real geological field trip!
Now Bertie, I promised the leader that you were a well-behaved dog and wouldn't be any trouble at all. You won't let me down will you?
(Bertie looks away, insulted at the mere suggestion.)
OK Bertie, I'm so sorry, I'm sure you'll be fine. Now if you'll just stand still a minute while I measure you up for a hard hat...