Ideal conditions for agility...

.....are not always encountered on an April evening in Aberdeen.

Things might look promising on arrival...

...but then the sun retreats behind a cloud...

... and before you can say "Bertie, GO!" rainwear is required...

... and the strengthening wind blows over the hurdles which have then to be realigned end on to the direction of the gale...

... and one's ears are also realigned...

...and the night draws in...

...but only when it is no longer possible to see the obstacles do the Deeside Dog Agility Club members finally give up and go home.

Note from Gail: apologies for the poor quality of some of the later pictures. I fear I failed to keep the camera lens dry! 

Agility: distracted by girls?

So, before this week's agility training session started, I had to listen to a great long lecture by Gail.


"Bertie pay attention now please. Earlier this week I forked out the grand sum of £10 to enter you in your first ever agility competition. It takes place just outside Aberdeen on Saturday 8th December and I know it says on the blurb that it's a 'Just For Fun' show but I shall be taking it all very seriously indeed and I expect you to do the same. I have to tell you that I was most disappointed by your performance at training last week, and I think our trainer Shaun was too. One would have thought you were a complete beginner at agility, which you are not. You really must learn not to be so distracted by the girl dogs in your class. Especially that fluffy wee Pippa..."

Not for the first time, I couldn't believe my flappy little ears. What was all this about me being distracted by girls? (And heaven help me if Addi hears about it...) The truth is that I had NO IDEA what I was supposed to be doing that week 'cos Gail kept forgetting which order I was supposed to be jumping the obstacles and was just waving her arms in a random fashion so I got all confused. Personally I think the underlying problem was that Gail was all stressed 'cos of worrying about her Dad, but I'm just a dog, what would I know?

Anyway, I must say that my three young lady dog agility training companions are very nice indeed (although in no way distracting) and I'm sure my blog readers would like to meet them.

Here is Cassie, with her handler Kevin.


As you can see, Cassie is a swotty collie, and would not waste time looking at the camera as she was far too focussed on trying to figure out the optimum angles to approach all the jumps.


Then there's Maddy. I think she enjoys posing for photos.


She is super quick over the obstacles too. And these days she even waits for Alison to give the 'go' signal before racing off.


Finally, yes, of course there's wee Pippa.


Isn't she cute? She's a relative newcomer and it's only polite for me to go and make her and her young handler Bethany feel welcome isn't it?


But I am totally not being distracted by her.


I hope that's quite clear.

Medium, but in no way average

"He's a strong wee dog".

Gail's face burst into proud smile when the 'measuring lady' told her that, as I stood on the table being gently persuaded into the correct stance.

I haven't lately said much about my agility club activities have I? Truth to tell, Gail and I are not the most dedicated and committed members of the Deeside Dog Agility Club. So some weeks we go along to training, others we do not.

Now Gail is being encouraged to enter me into local events, although I have not yet mastered the see-saw and am far from convinced that there is a point to weaving along a line of poles. But anyway, as a first step, it was decided on Saturday that we would drive down to Camperdown Park in Dundee, where an agility show was taking place all weekend, and I could be 'officially' measured and logged into the system.

As you can see, there was a long queue of dogs waiting to be measured.

And if you are thinking, gosh Bertie, that all sounds quite a palaver, then I would say, you might be onto something there.

Well, for the record, I stand precisely 42 cm, or 16 1/2 inches, high at the withers. In agility terms, that means I'm classed as 'medium', despite the fact that in every other area of endeavour I am clearly well above average.

Gail made me watch some other dogs perform, which was supposed to inspire me. "Look Bertie, see how the dogs all jump over the hurdles rather than running under them...."



Well, if by inspiring me Gail meant instilling the thought that "I could at least do better than that", then I guess the process was to some degree successful.

I mean, one German Shepherd wasn't even walking round the course, much less running, he was taking it all at a slow amble. Then there was the Collie who climbed back and forth over the 'A' frame three or four times.  Not to mention the handler who stumbled, fell flat on his face AND incurred ten penalty points for his dog by knocking over the jump as he went down...

Well all this was very interesting, but with Gail too mean to pay for any of the  extra-curricular activities on offer...

... and the weather threatening to turn typically Scottish...

 ... we decided to call it a day and head home with my newly acquired Kennel Club Agility Record Book.

Oh and I did get a new toy out of the deal too.

Suffering from Tall Poppy Syndrome

Now I am all excited about reported sightings of the Higgs boson. However, Gail has persuaded me that my readers will on the whole be more interested in the goings on at this week's Deeside Dog Agility Club Christmas Party.

Fine then. But first I want to ask a question.

Fellow canines, do you ever feel held back by the low expectations and aspirations of your human?

You know, when I started out on this agility training lark, Gail went on and on about how it was all for fun, she just wanted to spend time doing stuff and bonding with me, she knew I'd never be winning any contests, etc. etc.

Well I'll have you know that at the party on Monday I won this most magnificent prize for 'Best Newcomer'.


And no Gail I do not think it necessary to be pointing out that 'Only Newcomer' would be a more accurate label. I hate this British tendency towards Tall Poppy Syndrome.

Now we have already established in this blog that I do not do fancy dress. It seems I share this trait with most of my fellow Scottish agility dogs, as only three turned up in full costume.




And two of these are owned by an American.....

I could tell though that my fellow party goers - dogs and humans - were in fact quite serious about the so-called 'fun' agility games. And so while Gail was still all "Oh Bertie I don't think we'll enter will we, you're really not quite at that level yet",  I was cannily sniffing out the competition.

As well as the food waste bags...


So OK, I was thirteen places off the lead in the 'figure of eight two tunnels and a jump' speed game (fourteen entrants). The winner scored fifteen tunnels in the allotted minute. I managed four, which is surely pretty good for a first go, what with the distracting cacophony of barking and shouting. Really I would have done so much better were it not for 'handler errors', like Gail kept placing herself in my way, giving confusing and panicky hand signals and at one point she threw a treat into the tunnel so of course I stopped to eat it, what on earth is one supposed to do?

I can't tell you how disappointed I was not to be allowed to enter the weave contest (on the spurious grounds that I've never yet in my life successfully executed a proper weave manouevre....) but I will concede I might not actually have won. One collie surely broke the speed of light.

Oh but if only we had some pictures, or even a video, of the final game. You would be so impressed to see me jumping round and round the 'cube' of hurdles, barely missing out a single one. I was all a blur, just like this photo of one of my fellow contestants.

Eleven hurdles in fifty seconds saw me half way down the field. Impressive, eh? Oh, no, here goes Gail again, trying to undermine my achievements, telling me to say they specially lowered the jumps for 'the novice'.

It's a good job isn't it, that I have such impregnable self belief.

I shall be getting around to the Higgs boson another day.

Bertie WFTer the Christmas Fairy ?

An invitation dropped through the email earlier in the week. It has caused great consternation in this household.


"Christmas is coming. I hope you are all getting your fancy dress costumes ready for your four legged friend! The Deeside Dog Agility Club agility Christmas party is at Drumforskie Barn on Monday 12 December 2011 from 7pm. There will be a fancy dress competition plus agility games for you to try. Each game will be suitable for everyone and needless to say they will be lots of fun. Unfortunately so that every member can join in, dog numbers are restricted to one dog per handler for the evening. We would ask if everyone would take with them a Secret Santa present (up to approx £5 value), a raffle prize for our HUGE raffle, something for the buffet and of course loads of money to buy raffle tickets!! (Presents/raffles can be for either human or dogs!).  Deeside provides soft drinks for those who are unfortunately driving - or too young - but if you wish to have some alcohol, please take your own.  It is always a really good night."


How is it that so short a paragraph could contain by implication so many patently absurd suggestions? For example, the notion that I could be persuaded to wear any kind of a costume, and not rip it to shreds in the two mile car ride 'twixt home and Drumforskie Barn. Or indeed the idea that Gail's limited creative powers might stretch to devising a fancy dress outfit anyway, much less one that is compatible with 'agility games'. Or the thought that I am likely to cooperate calmly in an event that takes place in a big barn full of hyperactive collies, terriers, poodles and the like, with food and drink available and raffle prizes to be torn apart.


Oh and one thing I am not clear about. Am I allowed my own alcohol or am I too young?


PS from Gail: HELP!!! Any ideas for Bertie-proof costumes gratefully received.....

Agility: progress report + Help for Horatio

SUBJECT	TRAINER'S COMMENT	DOG'S COMMENT
Attention levels	Bertie must learn that barking at the horses in the adjacent field is not the point of the exercise.	I like attention. Why do all the other dogs get more attention than me? Especially that Maddy, just ‘cos she’s so hopeless at the ‘wait’ bit.
Speed over obstacles	Bertie could move faster if he put his mind to it, as he shows when chasing fellow trainee Maddy.	Look, if you go quickly then your turn is over too soon and that’s no fun.
Accuracy over obstacles	So long as he actually tackles the jumps, rather than dashing across the field to try and join the more advanced dogs, Bertie usually does well.	“Does well”? Talk about faint praise. I’m brilliant. Have I ever knocked down a jump? Ever? No? I rest my case. Oh and, what do you mean "more advanced"?
General behaviour	Bertie is not the worst behaved of the young dogs we have come across, but his tendency to go AWOL half way round the circuit needs attention.	Hey give me a break. Remember that I am a terrier, and unlike all those swotty collies, naughtiness is my birthright.
Areas for improvement	Bertie is far too fond of the sound of his own voice. We are less so.	I have noticed that some of the other dogs have treats that smell much better than the ones Gail brings for me.
Issues with handler	For someone who claims to have a PhD, Gail’s ability to remember the order of the obstacles seems rather poor.	See comment above. Plus, why are you always so ready to praise the other dogs Gail, yet so critical of me?

Maddy the Manchester Terrier (she's FAST!)

Dawn - one of the many swotty collies

PS My little wire haired fox terrier friend Horatio in Edinburgh needs your help!

He has been attending puppy school this summer, and has apparently made a big impression with his sparkling personality. For the final class next week, he is expected to perform a party trick. His humans are in a panic over this. If you have any bright ideas about what he could do, please do go over to his blog and let him know.


PPS Below is a version of the report card which hopefully those of you who see a big blank higher up in this post can read.

"He's a fantastic little dog"

I have been most remiss in not keeping you up to date with news of my training activities.

You might remember that I attended an agility class earlier in the year. It was such good fun, the highlight of my week in fact, but we had to miss loads and loads of sessions 'cos the time - Saturday at noon - was apparently inconvenient, and after a few weeks Gail withdrew me from the class. She insists it had nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that the chap who led the sessions had such a strong NE Scotland accent that she only caught one word in three of what he was saying. Absolutely not at all.....

So anyway, after my stellar performance at the Feis Alligin agility demo, Gail finally got around to contacting another group, Deeside Dog Agility Club, who meet on Tuesday nights in a field just couple of miles away from my Aberdeen home. And, guess what? I have been accepted on to their training programme!

I can't tell you how excited I am.

Gail is pretty excited too, as this time she has no problem understanding the trainer. He was super enthusiastic and encouraging, and said (of me) at the end of the second session, earlier this week:

"He's a fantastic little dog".

Here I am, at home the morning after, basking in all the acclaim.