Top Ten Tips for Train Travel with a Terrier

A list compiled by Gail, based on hard won experience...

1. Develop a thick skin.  Such that when your dog barks intermittently but piercingly over a period of several hours, you are able to ignore comments from fellow passengers such as “I was hoping that dog would get off at Newcastle”.

2. It is not worth paying the extra for a first class ticket. The advantages of extra space do not make up for the disruption to the dog’s equanimity caused by the constant to-ing and fro-ing of an accessible food filled trolley.

3. Carry a book. It is unlikely that you will get enough peace and quiet actually to read the thing, but the appearance of being absorbed in the text will act to discourage bored fellow passengers from using your dog as an excuse to tell you the life history of every single pet they have owned since the goldfish won at a fair when they were six.

4. Rescue Remedy does not have a calming effect on trains, either for dog or human.  Do not waste your hard earned cash. A bottle of Highland Park single malt whisky for the human is a better bet.

5. It is OK to take your dog with you to the train toilet. Should any fellow passenger object, you have two options, either (1) hand him/her the lead and say OK , you take care of him for a minute, then disappear into the WC for as long as it amuses you to hear your vociferous dog wreaking havoc in your absence or (2) point out that the average human user of toilets on trains is considerably less well house trained than your darling pup (this has the advantage of being true).

6. In the matter of treats, it is important to strike the correct balance and consider the longer term consequences. For example, it may seem a good idea to keep the precious one quiet by feeding him a constant stream of yummy snacks en route, but if the likely outcome is a Human Granny upset at the sight of copious barf on her best living room carpet, then you may want to rethink your strategy.

7. Ensure your dog cannot slip out of his collar. If you’re not sure why this is important, click here to read about the day when Bertie did get off at Newcastle...

8. It may occasionally be useful to pretend no knowledge of the local language.

9. It is a well known fact that the staff on Scottish trains are more dog tolerant than their English counterparts. Sometimes they even carry a dog biscuits in the pockets of their uniforms. What this portends for the Independence debate, we can only speculate.

10. Oh and finally, if you live in one of those dreadful countries where pups are not allowed on railway journeys…well, you really should be thinking about moving, shouldn't you?

HAPPY TRAVELS!

First class travel - just the ticket!

Please don't take any notice of Gail, if she starts trying to tell you that I "acted up" a bit on the train home to Aberdeen on Monday.

My terrier friends at least will surely understand that when one has been on VERY best behaviour for six days at the Human Grandparents house, and not put a paw wrong the whole time, then one is entitled to a period of 'exuberance' when one departs, and if that exuberant phase coincides with a seven hour train journey, well so be it...

For some reason (the words "too stressful" are being bandied about here) Gail failed to take any photos of me enjoying First Class hospitality on the East Coast train from Newark to Edinburgh, and also on the later one from Edinburgh to Aberdeen. All this despite the fact that she later described as "quite a picture" the face of one of my fellow passengers, a smartly suited but rather humourless businessman, when I tried to strike up a conversation with him somewhere around Berwick-upon-Tweed.

I can however show you a copy of my ticket for the train. Well, OK, strictly speaking it's Gail's ticket, as railway travel in the UK is free for dogs.

So my British readers will be relieved to see that Gail and I do not indulge in any sneaking onto the train and trying to travel First Class on a Standard Class ticket behaviour, unlike certain senior politicians - yes we do mean you Mr Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne.

Between trains I was allowed a run around Calton Hill in Edinburgh. I love the fact that Edinburgh has these open  and Bertie-friendly spaces right in the heart of the city.

Sadly we did not have time to meet my wiry pal Horatio, but I did at least get to show a Japanese tourist how to "pose nicely now" for the camera.

In the balance - a trip to Nottingham

Oh I have been ever so looking forward to a mid-October trip to Nottingham to see my Human Grandparents. Gail bought the train tickets ages ago, first class even, so that I would have plenty of room with no danger of being crushed. She specially planned the journey so that I could have a good romp around Princes Street Gardens in Edinburgh en route too.

Now she is saying she's not sure I should go with her next week.

I am rather upset.

I know that Human Grandad is not well after his fall. We are hoping he will be home from hospital in a few days.

Oh but I SO want to see him again, and try to cheer him up. HGD always smiles at me and gives me friendly pats on the head. And it's not like I don't know that I must be on best behaviour. I've been reminding Gail how Human Granny said of me "he's no trouble" last time I visited.

So HGD is very, very wobbly at the moment. But also restless and confused. And HGY is coping magnificently but she too is no longer young and bouncy. Things are difficult.

Well, I would like to point out it's not as if I'm like my predecessor Hamish, who had a reputation for  getting under people's feet. I mean, Gail doesn't have to issue 'trip hazard' warnings to workmen who come to our house these days...

Another of my strong points is providing in-house entertainment. If HGD cannot go out, or concentrate on reading or the TV any more, he can always sit and watch me and my manoeuvres. And I've noticed he likes it when he's in his favourite armchair and I come to I lie at his side and rest my little russet head on one of his always well polished shoes.

I have until Tuesday to convince Gail that I should come with her to Nottingham, to work my own brand of magic on HGD.

Please help me!

What's the big deal? (East Coast Trains ROCK!)

Well we arrived back in Aberdeen last night from the trip to Granny and Grandad, and Gail was acting all strange and euphoric. Anyone would think she was mightily relieved about something. It was all "Oh Bertie you are so wonderful, come here and let me give you another cuddle, I can't believe you were so well-behaved, let's go to the butchers and buy you a special treat - would you prefer liver, lambs kidney, venison, steak or their special Cumberland sausage?"

What was the big deal? Didn't she think I could cope with a train journey of over six hours? (That's two and three quarter hours Aberdeen to Edinburgh, then three and a half hours Edinburgh to Newark North Gate).

Let me tell you again - I had an absolutely splendid time all round. I simply must show you some more photos.

I had a great romp beside the River Trent, near Granny and Grandad's house

Then it was time to head back north on the East Coast train. We sped through the English countryside

I was having such fun as we passed through Durham station

Gail and I both enjoyed the view of Durham Cathedral

Although I was worried that the drinks trolley hadn't appeared..

Ah yes, here it is. Phew.

We had a wee break in Edinburgh, where we changed trains

I had time to inspect the gardens

And observe the street life

Back on the train I just couldn't stop smiling

Sadly we didn't get a photo of the lovely man in the green sweater, who nearly burst into tears when I walked past on my way to the buffet car on yesterday's journey. He said I was the spit of a foxy he had who'd died a few weeks ago. He just wanted to stroke me, ever so tenderly. Gail later said, rather cynically I thought, no foreigner travelling to Edinburgh on that particular train carriage would have disembarked thinking that Englishmen suppress their emotions too much...

Anyway, on another matter. What is happening about the report on my Blogville Picnic water-related science experiments, I hear you asking. Well, I have to admit that the data have presented particular and unique challenges in interpretation and I still have some problems to resolve with the peer review committee. All will be ready for publication in a few days time, I am sure....

PS Gail wants to know if this post will earn us a free travel voucher...  

Quick update - train, grandparents, science experiments

Wow I had such an incredibly great time on the train on Thursday! I haven't time to tell you all about it just now as I'm busy entertaining human Granny and Granddad. But I thought I'd just show you a couple of photos.

The ticket collector was especially friendly, although Gail says that perhaps the woman in the pink shirt is a teeny bit jealous of all the attention I'm getting...

Oh and about my Blogville Picnic in the Bark water-related science experiments (see previous post). Just to make it clear that I'll be reporting on the results after I get back home to Aberdeen - Tuesday at the earliest. Meanwhile, please do keep all your excellent comments and suggestions coming in!

Train trial

There are no photos today because events that I am reporting were deemed 'too stressful' for the camera operator...

It seems that my predecessor Hamish the Westie used to travel quite often by railway, and Gail has decided that it would be useful if I could accompany her on train journeys too.

She has this idea that it is more relaxing than driving, when long distances are involved (like visiting Granny and Granddad, 400 miles away).

I think that now, following a trend that will be familiar to those who take an interest British politics, this supposedly brilliant idea is 'under review'.

Last weekend I was taken for a 'training ride', to Huntly. By Scotrail it's an hour from Aberdeen.

Really I think I was most well-behaved.

I didn't bark - well, scarcely at all. I didn't 'mark' anyone's luggage, either on or off the train. Nobody's crisps were stolen. (OK, I admit I tried. Repeatedly. I mean some passengers are virtually inviting you to sample their lunch, rustling their crinkly food bags and leaving tasty smelling morsels within WFT reach on the table and so forth.) No-one got bitten. (I was just curious about what the ticket collector's trousers would feel like in my mouth, that's all.) I kept Gail entertained by constantly bouncing on and off her lap. (So much more interesting for her than the big fat book she was trying to read. You can tell that 'cos after a while she sighed - fondly, I'm quite sure - and put the book back in her bag.)

In Huntly we visited an ruined castle, historic seat of the Gordon clan, and had an agreeable walk around a wood and along the river Deveron.

I can't imagine why, when Gail's friend Margaret asked how it all went, Gail rated my behaviour a mere five out ten. And then said something about perhaps asking the vet for a sedative before we head down to Nottingham next week...