Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts

Friday, 13 June 2014

Advice for Dui: Putting the Scot into Scottie


Today, we are welcoming a brand new Scottie pup, Dui, into the dog blogging community. He lives in Australia with his older sisters Bella and Roxy and he is named after Ben Macdui, the second highest mountain in Scotland. In his honour I have written a wee poem containing advice on being a proper Scot...

Your name is a good one, dear Dui my man,
And your human chose well with a simple Munro.
You could have been named Sgurr nan Ceathreamhnan,
Or Carn a' Coire Boidheach (shortened to Bo).

When you visit the vet to be vaccinated
You'll also be needing ID, like as not.
Just remember, a chip on both shoulders is said,
(By the English) to signal a well-balanced Scot.

And remember the kilt is traditional wear
For true Scottish males be they humans or dogs.
The lassies will think you so brave and so fair
When you're all fitted out in your best Highland togs.

But you might find it tricky, when Scotland's teams play
'Gainst Australia. You must choose which one you'll support.
(You'll find Scottish footballers have feet of clay,
Andy Murray means tennis is these days our sport.)

Our national dish haggis is affa scarce Down Under,
But it's worth searching out, I guarantee.
The meat is digestible; you will not 'chunder',
You'll love it, dear Dui, so try some for tea.

And lastly wee Dui, stay true to your breed type,
Yon Scottie dugs are couthybraw and thrawn.
Just show those dingos what a well-bred pup's like;
They'll soon be wishing that they too were Scottish born.

ALL THE BEST, DEAR DUI!


Sunday, 16 March 2014

Top Ten Tips for Train Travel with a Terrier


A list compiled by Gail, based on hard won experience...

1. Develop a thick skin.  Such that when your dog barks intermittently but piercingly over a period of several hours, you are able to ignore comments from fellow passengers such as “I was hoping that dog would get off at Newcastle”.

2. It is not worth paying the extra for a first class ticket. The advantages of extra space do not make up for the disruption to the dog’s equanimity caused by the constant to-ing and fro-ing of an accessible food filled trolley.

3. Carry a book. It is unlikely that you will get enough peace and quiet actually to read the thing, but the appearance of being absorbed in the text will act to discourage bored fellow passengers from using your dog as an excuse to tell you the life history of every single pet they have owned since the goldfish won at a fair when they were six.

4. Rescue Remedy does not have a calming effect on trains, either for dog or human.  Do not waste your hard earned cash. A bottle of Highland Park single malt whisky for the human is a better bet.

5. It is OK to take your dog with you to the train toilet. Should any fellow passenger object, you have two options, either (1) hand him/her the lead and say OK , you take care of him for a minute, then disappear into the WC for as long as it amuses you to hear your vociferous dog wreaking havoc in your absence or (2) point out that the average human user of toilets on trains is considerably less well house trained than your darling pup (this has the advantage of being true).

6. In the matter of treats, it is important to strike the correct balance and consider the longer term consequences. For example, it may seem a good idea to keep the precious one quiet by feeding him a constant stream of yummy snacks en route, but if the likely outcome is a Human Granny upset at the sight of copious barf on her best living room carpet, then you may want to rethink your strategy.

7. Ensure your dog cannot slip out of his collar. If you’re not sure why this is important, click here to read about the day when Bertie did get off at Newcastle...

8. It may occasionally be useful to pretend no knowledge of the local language.

9. It is a well known fact that the staff on Scottish trains are more dog tolerant than their English counterparts. Sometimes they even carry a dog biscuits in the pockets of their uniforms. What this portends for the Independence debate, we can only speculate.

10. Oh and finally, if you live in one of those dreadful countries where pups are not allowed on railway journeys…well, you really should be thinking about moving, shouldn't you?

HAPPY TRAVELS!

Wednesday, 18 December 2013

Winning tips for Oz

Oz
My darling godmother Tootsie has a fur-cousin Oz who is thinking of taking up Agility, and, on the strength of my two recent and long awaited rosettes, Tootsie has asked if I can give Oz some top tips for success in this thrilling sport.

Oh I just love this type of question don't you? Basically: "Please explain why you so are so brilliant?" Much favoured, one notes, by career-minded Tory backbenchers at Prime Minister's Question Time.

I digress.

So, yes of course Oz my friend, I would be delighted to give you the benefit of my hard won experience.

I have four important pieces of advice.

(I seem to recall that Oz lives in Italy, so to circumvent any language barrier I have also, in my own inimitable style, provided some self-explanatory - I hope - sketches to communicate my main points.)

Tip no. 1: Always make sure you have an experienced handler. One who knows her left from her right even under pressure, who can retain in her head the order of more than two obstacles at a time, and who can be guaranteed not to stumble over any of them herself…

Tip no. 2: Tolerant trainers are a must. The sort who understand that if the training field is adjacent to a field where horses are grazing, then every once in a while the urge to dash across to the fence to say hi to Dobbin cannot be resisted, even if it means crossing the path of the senior grade 'swotty collie' types as they prepare for high level competition.


Tip no. 3: Choose a club with pretty girl pups! Sometimes it can be a bit boring waiting for the other dogs to have their go round the set obstacle course, especially when they are even more erratic performers than oneself, and what better way to while away the time than to flirt with a fluffy wee bichon frisé (for example).

Tip no. 4: NEVER EVER POOP ON THE 'A' FRAME….


Oz, I wish you all the best in your Agility endeavours. I mean, how could you possibly go wrong now…?

Monday, 15 July 2013

Advice for panicky people

We get a lot of boring financial stuff on the radio and TV these days don't we?

I expect, like me, you've heard about some new problem, could be a country defaulting on debt payment, or a volcano erupting, or a billionaire banker sneezing in his coffee, causing 'panic in the markets' and plummeting share prices.

Some readers of my 5th July post have suggested that my Houdini-style Great Train Escape stunt in Newcastle railway station might have caused Gail to panic, and even have nightmares. And then there was the Green Dog episode five days later.....

I am happy to report that my owner is not in general a panicky person (although she does have her moments, and now she's insisting I'm to wear Hamish's old harness next time we travel by rail).


So anyway, I have two recommendations for panic-prone humans.

1. Don't get a job in the stock markets.
2. Don't own a wire-haired fox terrier.

Toodle pip!
Bertie (working to make the world a better place).