Friday 28 October 2011

As if the bicycle were not bad enough (Bertie has a wee rant)

I knew my readers were smart!

Yes, several of you guessed correctly. The cloud on the horizon referred to on Monday's post was indeed Gail's new ONE PERSON sea kayak.

Oh if only I had had the chance to discuss matters with Gail before the kayak was finished.

See, I found this picture on the internet:

And this one:

I cannot imagine why I was not thought of. I mean, it isn't as if it is a shop bought kayak even. Gail keeps telling me how Florian, who built the vessel from a design by Thomas Yost, is a most wonderful craftsman. Well Florian, I have to tell you, I'm not convinced. I mean, if you really were such a 'Handwerksmeister' (he's German you know) then you could easily have put in a berth for a wee wire-haired fox terrier could you not? After all, ich bin ganz klein. Nur acht Kilogramm. Kein Problem für einen sogenannten Handwerksmeister, glaube ich!


What's that Gail? You're saying I'd have to wear a life jacket and a 'skirt', which wouldn't suit a dog that can barely tolerate a bandana?  Oh don't be ridiculous. I don't see those fine pups in the photos above sporting any kind of strange get-up.

Friends, it is so tiresome to live with a human who has hobbies. Just when I thought the whole bicycling thing was the final straw.

And no I am not "making a fuss about nothing". In fact, I've barely even started...

As if it were not hurtful enough that Gail should want to venture on to Loch Torridon without me, separated from the chilly salt water only by a piece of PVC glued onto a skinny wooden frame, now I learn the reason she wants to do this.

Otters. Seals. Puffins. Dolphins and porpoises. Yes that's right. She wants to look at OTHER ANIMALS out there on the sea loch.

Now I'm a tolerant sort of a chap. Wire-haired fox terriers are few and far between in Northern Scotland so I can accept that Gail might want to cast a glance at different type of terrier every now and then. Just to reassure herself of my own exceptional handsomeness, you understand. And I act quite good natured (despite seething inside) when she goes all weak the knees at the sight of an Alaskan Malamute. But really, is it necessary to look beyond the species Canis lupus familiaris when we are so many and so varied?

Well there is no other option. If you can't beat 'em join 'em.

Gail, please stop harping on about tedious irrelevances like "but you won't even go near water normally Bertie".

I am going to write to Florian and request my own personally designed sea kayak. And yes I do realise that doggy paddle is nothing to do with propelling a canoe.  I shall, naturally, be expecting Gail to give me a tow.

Now let me see, where's the German dictionary...?

Sehr geehrter Herr Florian,
ich hätte gern ein schönes Seekajak für einen kleinen Hund der vom Wasser ein bißchen Angst hat...


  1. If Gail needs any proof what wire haired fox terriers can do all she needs to do is have a look at this NZ TV advert.


  2. Bertie - Rest and be thankful. Dogs and water don't mix.

  3. I don't see how she could possibly be interested in those other creatures when she has you Bertie!

    Deccy x

  4. SHE's all excited because SHE speaks limited German and could read all that!

    Bummer about the kayak, Bertie. Maybe you could rig up a circular railing in the front where you could sit and bark at the native fauna.

    XXXOOO Daisy, Kendra & Bella

  5. Bertie, of course you should be utterly offended. The cheek of getting a Kayak that doesn't fit you in it. At the very least you should have had the option of being asked to join Gail. Dear, dear, dear. These peeps can be so tiresome at times. Chin up buddy. I hope things improve for you. No worries, and love, Stella and Rory

  6. YOu are so right. What gives our peeps the right to have hobbies that includes...OTHER ANIMALS?!?! I am so with you on this!

  7. Hey Bertie!
    Wow, that's pretty nervy of your peep! I see no reason for any critter other than you. You defintiely deserve your own kayak and the tow too. If not, maybe try reminding her that there might be sharks out there...safer on land with you!! BOL
    Grr and Woof,
    Sarge, COP

  8. Super Bertie!! Wir wussten nicht, dass du auch deutsch kannst. WFT sind echt begabt. Ich drucke mir die Daumen, dass du auch eine Kajak kriegst.
    Amanda says be really careful though. She was canoeing in a Canadian canoe on the river Tay this week... This also involved an involuntary swim for most of the party. Close call.

  9. What! She is interested in other furry ones! Impossible. Boy does that look like a storm is brewing
    Benny & Lily

  10. Look at it this way Bertie......what if her runs into Nessie at Loch Ness??? You be glad dat you is safer in da baftub!

  11. Dearest Bertie, fret not, while your Gail is out at sea I say you stay at home and PAWTY with your furiends.

    Just let us know the time and place, I am sure that the Road Dogs will be able to fly a plane and pick us ALL up for the PAWTY!!!

    woos, Tessa

  12. I'm with Tessa on this one buddy... Just let us know when to be there... and we will all start wishin an attack of... Over Active Bladder on ... HER... THAT'll Teach her!!!

    Phooooey on peeps with a hobby that does NOT Revolve around US!!!

  13. Bertie..maybe you could ask santa paws for your own kayak? Send him Florian's address!

    Happy Halloweeen week

    Big Nose Pokes
    The Thugletsx

  14. Lieber Herr Bertie!

    Sehr gerne baue ich ein schönes Seekajak fuer Sie, auch wenn Sie ein bisschen Angst vor dem (jetzt sehr kalten!!) Wasser haben, but I think dogs can not hold a paddle, something with opposing thumbs and so on....
    I could however imagine you being pulled in one by Gail. It might need another longish stay of the builder in Canapress though, as it obviously has to be built to measure....

  15. Bertie, those things don't even has fur? What can she be thinking.

    I do think you should 'count your blessings though.' You know Mum's little hobby involves sitting in the room the rabbit-dogs live in making mini dogs which is totally boring and you can't even get a good look at them or pick them up in your mouth without getting squealed at, and doesn't even get me started on the quiet bird/wildlife watching TNP does.

    I think we should go on strike. No more cuddles till we get decent Bertie/Ludo centric hobbies.

    pee ess: I sure hope Stella not looking at this!

  16. Bertie, we're sending you a snugglie - one of those things new moms wear on their chests to hold their babies so they can have two hands free. You only weigh as much as a baby, so Gail can just wear you in a snugglie while she paddles. You can be her look out for all those sea critters. That way her life vest will protect you, too.

    Why is Gail starting this hobby just as winter is setting in? Surely it would make a more comfortable summer hobby?

    Jed & Abby

  17. Don't forget to write "...und es soll sehr stabill sein und darf nicht umkippen..."
    I hope Gail knows how much you love her. You would go seekayaking just to be with Gaill? You are brave man (dog)

  18. This is gonna be a good evening!

    J and F