Northern winter light, or treats? (+weather update)

I have often noticed that humans and dogs have different ideas about what makes a good photo.

For example, from our walk in the woods last weekend, Gail's favourite pictures were all about "Oh Bertie look how the bare birch trees and the fields are bathed in softly glowing winter light blah blah blah...."

Whereas it's quite obvious that by far the best picture...

...is the one where I am being given treats by Jake's owner Yvonne whilst my nemesis Jake is skulking in the undergrowth somewhere off camera.

No contest!

PS from Gail: thanks readers for all your excellent suggestions for a fancy costume that Bertie might actually tolerate. I think we'll be going with the seasonal collar concept.


PPS We had a big storm in Scotland yesterday, as reported in this morning's Guardian under the headline "It's raining hats and dogs"!

Pandas prompt a touch of inter-species jealousy

I don't know about you but I am fed up to the back teeth with all the gushing media coverage about the new arrivals at Edinburgh Zoo.

So giant pandas TianTian and Yang Guang, aka Sweetie and Sunshine, arrived here in Scotland on Sunday morning, all the way from Beijing on their own private jet, having apparently enjoyed inflight meals of bamboo, apples, carrots, a 'special panda cake' and mineral water. The zoo will be paying China the princely sum of a million dollars a year for the privilege of housing the pair. An enclosure specially built for the spoilt brats honoured guests has cost more than a flat in Edinburgh New Town.

What's the big deal about giant pandas anyway? Why do humans make such a fuss over them?

It can't be their sophisticated taste buds. (More bamboo, anyone?) They don't exactly have interesting sex lives. (Once a year, if Yang Guang's lucky, by all accounts.) And you can see eyes like that all over Glasgow any morning after an Old Firm game. (Gail says this last comment is in dubious taste, and reflects badly on Scotland.)

And no it is not that I, as a wire-haired fox terrier, am simply jealous of a rival species that beats even me in the 'looking like a cute toy' stakes. Nor that I envy TianTian and Yang Guang their £70,000 annual food budget.

It's just, oh I don't know, pandas don't do anything. They lead such boring lives. I mean, imagine a panda's blog.

Day 1 - ate bamboo
Day 2 - ate more bamboo
Day 3 - ate more bamboo
and so on until perhaps
Day 300 - thought about sex
Day 301 - went off the idea and ate bamboo instead.

Bertie WFTer the Christmas Fairy ?

An invitation dropped through the email earlier in the week. It has caused great consternation in this household.


"Christmas is coming. I hope you are all getting your fancy dress costumes ready for your four legged friend! The Deeside Dog Agility Club agility Christmas party is at Drumforskie Barn on Monday 12 December 2011 from 7pm. There will be a fancy dress competition plus agility games for you to try. Each game will be suitable for everyone and needless to say they will be lots of fun. Unfortunately so that every member can join in, dog numbers are restricted to one dog per handler for the evening. We would ask if everyone would take with them a Secret Santa present (up to approx £5 value), a raffle prize for our HUGE raffle, something for the buffet and of course loads of money to buy raffle tickets!! (Presents/raffles can be for either human or dogs!).  Deeside provides soft drinks for those who are unfortunately driving - or too young - but if you wish to have some alcohol, please take your own.  It is always a really good night."


How is it that so short a paragraph could contain by implication so many patently absurd suggestions? For example, the notion that I could be persuaded to wear any kind of a costume, and not rip it to shreds in the two mile car ride 'twixt home and Drumforskie Barn. Or indeed the idea that Gail's limited creative powers might stretch to devising a fancy dress outfit anyway, much less one that is compatible with 'agility games'. Or the thought that I am likely to cooperate calmly in an event that takes place in a big barn full of hyperactive collies, terriers, poodles and the like, with food and drink available and raffle prizes to be torn apart.


Oh and one thing I am not clear about. Am I allowed my own alcohol or am I too young?


PS from Gail: HELP!!! Any ideas for Bertie-proof costumes gratefully received.....

Quietly assertive or just plain bossy?

Do your humans ever make the mistake of assuming that just because they are friends with someone, then you will automatically be best pals with that person's dog...

It doesn't always work like that does it?

It might look from the photos above that, when Gail went for a walk in Glen Tanar with her friend Yvonne on Sunday, Yvonne's flat-coated retriever Jake and I were getting along just fine. I think that's the impression Gail sought to create with her highly selective camera work.

Let me list for you some of the pictures that could have been taken but weren't.

In my house before we left:

• Jake eating my food
• Jake drinking my water
• Jake laying on my bed
• Jake monopolising my spot by the radiator
• Jake tearing the nose off my favourite stuffed Newfie dog

En route to Glen Tanar:

• Jake peering over from the boot of the car in an irritating manner
• Me on Gail's lap in the front seat, barking loudly in response
• Yvonne driving, gloating "isn't my Jakey a good, quiet dog?"

Out walking in the forest:

• Jake unfairly taking advantage of his longer legs to beat me in a race through the undergrowth
• Jake after a swim, shaking himself dry all over me (and Gail, and Yvonne)
• Jake stealing the stick I was chewing from OUT OF MY VERY MOUTH!!

But you know what irritated me more than anything? Overhearing Gail say to Yvonne; "Isn't it fascinating the way Jake is so calmly and quietly assertive".

FASCINATING!?  Grrrrrhhh

Here are some Jake-free better photos from the walk. (We stayed in the glen 'cos it was too windy to go climbing any hills).

 w

PLEASE LET ME INTO THE TEA SHOP!

PS from Gail: should any readers ever visit Royal Deeside, I thoroughly recommend the 'Sign of the Black-Faced Sheep' café in Aboyne for the most delicious post-walk cakes!