Tuesday, 6 December 2011

Pandas prompt a touch of inter-species jealousy

I don't know about you but I am fed up to the back teeth with all the gushing media coverage about the new arrivals at Edinburgh Zoo.

So giant pandas TianTian and Yang Guang, aka Sweetie and Sunshine, arrived here in Scotland on Sunday morning, all the way from Beijing on their own private jet, having apparently enjoyed inflight meals of bamboo, apples, carrots, a 'special panda cake' and mineral water. The zoo will be paying China the princely sum of a million dollars a year for the privilege of housing the pair. An enclosure specially built for the spoilt brats honoured guests has cost more than a flat in Edinburgh New Town.

What's the big deal about giant pandas anyway? Why do humans make such a fuss over them?

It can't be their sophisticated taste buds. (More bamboo, anyone?) They don't exactly have interesting sex lives. (Once a year, if Yang Guang's lucky, by all accounts.) And you can see eyes like that all over Glasgow any morning after an Old Firm game. (Gail says this last comment is in dubious taste, and reflects badly on Scotland.)

And no it is not that I, as a wire-haired fox terrier, am simply jealous of a rival species that beats even me in the 'looking like a cute toy' stakes. Nor that I envy TianTian and Yang Guang their £70,000 annual food budget.

It's just, oh I don't know, pandas don't do anything. They lead such boring lives. I mean, imagine a panda's blog.

Day 1 - ate bamboo
Day 2 - ate more bamboo
Day 3 - ate more bamboo
and so on until perhaps
Day 300 - thought about sex
Day 301 - went off the idea and ate bamboo instead.


  1. hey Bertie,

    BOL! Your take on a panda's blog is classic! But who knows, to another panda that might read as rather exciting!

    You have to paw it to pandas, though. They figured out the humans, and now have the humans wrapped tightly around their furry fluffy cute pudgy paws. I mean, seriously, a private jet with all you can eat of your fav foods?! They are Masters. We must learn from them.


  2. I hear what you're saying mate, but you know, anyone who can get themselves a rent free condo in Edinburgh and all the food they can eat, must have something going for them...! Deccy x

  3. They ARE cute, but you're right definitely boring!

    XXXOOO Daisy, Kendra, Bella & Roxy

    They'd never get up a munro.

  4. Hi Bertie, I hear ya mate. The two Bamboo Chompers we got from China in the Adelaide Zoo has caused many financial issues. The enclosure took 87 bazillion dollars to build, they completely overhauled the zoo itself, not to mention the ongoing fees and food costs - the zoo is going BROKE! Yea BROKE. There has been a huge "who haa" here about how many million the zoo is now in debt by, and the government keeps having to pay out to keep the door open! Personally I don't think they are as cute as us..... sooo much fuss!

    Tail Wuggles, Rubie

  5. Bertie, this is difficult to fathom. Those pandas appear to be quite dull indeed. Not action fun times such as yourself.


  6. You tell'm Bertie, BOL. They need to print your editorial
    Benny & Lily

  7. Bertie, astute commentary asusual. Pandas Schmandas is what we say... And speaking of astute commentary, your remarks yesterday on Mango's blog regarding the immaculate conception and the possibility of god being a west highland terrier had mom LOLing!! She had formed the concept inher mind, but couldn't find the words, and then, there you were inprint!! Thanks for the laugh- yesterday and today!

    -Bart and Ruby

  8. This is ALL so very much TRUE.

    PLUS.. Pandas are sooooo fragil. I had a Panda ONCE and it only lasted about 87 seconds. OH WAIT.. MY Panda was a Stuffie.. BUTT WAIT.. AGAIN.. I think YOUR Pandas are kinda Stuffed Too... with BAMBOO.

  9. Bertie, they could never live up to a terrier!!

    The Rocky Creek Scotties and Ivy

  10. Here is what we could do, we could send them back to China and fill up their spots with You, Bertie, and any other WFT who is willing, maybe Mango, probably some of the Great Dane dogs, some of the Dughallmor Beagles, Ludo and his girl friends, and we would see how many people would come and look at you all. How long they would stay!
    Maybe you guys would even get to liking bamboo! Sounds like kind of a fun deal to me.


  11. Those pandas have even made the 6 o'clock TV news two nights in a row here in New Zealand. I'm with you Bertie. There is something very strange about them. Even the idea of sending "Sunshine" to Edinburgh (as if you don't already have enough of the stuff) and "Sweetie" (a term humans use when they can't remember names) makes me wonder what they are really up to.

    Is this some sort of strange science experiment to see what gullible humans will pay and how long humans can go without getting bored? Turning the camera the other way, to the humans making strange noises and fools of themselves at the sight of two pandas doing nothing would be far more interesting .

  12. Hi Bertie, we agree with what Rubie said. I think the money would have been better spent on the animals already here. Anyhow we know we are much cuter than them. No worries, and love, Stella and Rory

  13. Once upon a time, our humans -- especially the mom human -- thought pandas were too too cute for words. But that was BEFORE she met us. Even though she has known us now for 1) soon to be 10 years, and 2) just past 6 years, EVERY DAY we do something so so adorable that she just has to hug us or kiss our noses or laugh and joke with our dad, or take out the flashy beast. SO, we have concluded that for all their swanky digs and papparazzi followers -- pandas are not so lucky. They live in a media bubble, but they don't get to hang out in the kitchen and wait for something to drop from the counter, or get a good night kiss, or -- well, you know what we mean, right Bertie?

    As Bart and Ruby said: Pandas schmandas!

    Wirey love,

    Jake and Just Harry

  14. Their own private jet! What! They are big and cute, but not as cute, smart, and charming as us!

    Your pal, Pip

  15. Really, Bertie! You must know God is a Great Dane: majestic, well-tempered, dependable, stalwart, slow to anger but terrible in their wrath, etc.

    We're going to have to respectfully disagree with you on the panda issue. Thanks to human greed and stupidity, they [pandas -and humans, too, given time and no correction to their current course] are on the verge of extinction. We're not. Pandas are hyacinths for our souls.

    Just wait until the panda baby watch starts :) We have one of those every year here in the D.C. area, with only one success so far in decades of trying. We're on our second set of pandas.

    Jed & Abby

  16. Oh Bertie,
    We think WFT's are much cuter than the pandas. They are supposedly so fragile, why fly them around the world? Wouldn't that cause them major stress? And terriers are so much more exciting!
    Wirey Hugs, Purrz & Licks,
    Katie, Sparky, Ruby, Sylvester, Scuby, Hootie & Zeek
    PS Sparky is getting tutored today, plus his top puppy fangs yanked out. Can you believe he already weighs 13 lbs. 3 oz???? He's almost my weight!

  17. OMD heck for that money do you think your zoo has room for Mom and I? Really, we could use the $$$! I could gain a bit of wait and roll in some ink!


    woos, Tessa

  18. Hey! they are not near as exciting as we are!! Just stuffed with bamboo!! I agree with you Bertie


  19. Big, big BOL Bertie! Love this post of yours. I'm with you - my She Two Legged One just adores pandas (well, she would - she collects Russ Teddy Bears so to her, pandas are just 'alive' Russ Teddy Bears!) and I'm at a loss to understand why - would they go for a walk with her (no - well, maybe, but it would be a very very slow walk wouldn't it?), would they learn to jump in and out of a kayak (if they could, I'd like to see the size of the kayak!), would they keep her feet warm in Winter - oh, I could go on and on. With you Bertie and thanks for the laugh!



  20. Hi Bertie, you don't know us, butt we have a mutual friend in Blogville. This friend has had a rough year, and we are hoping to get everyone together to help make her Christmas a special one (We don't want to name a name right now, we are trying to keep this a surprise for her.) If you would like to help out, would you please peemail our Mom at shoequeen40(at)msn(dot)com so she can tell you what we are trying to plan?

    Waggles & Chi kisses, Chewy & Lilibell

  21. Gee BertieBoy, we hadn't heard anything here about your new pandas. Seeing your idea of a panda blog made us all laugh. (Even our daddy thought it was funny!) We don't think the pandas are quite as cute of you, dear Bertie. Have a good weekend.
    Smooches from pooches,
    BabyRD & Hootie

  22. Bertie, Just came by to make sure no Bertie kites got made on your walk. Sounds like you is having some totally justified jealously issues lately. Disgraceful, who does them pandas and Jake thinks they is?

  23. Now we're hungry. Time for a treat and it will NOT be bamboo.