The vet looked with distaste at the bag of runny poo...

...and politely suggested to Gail that no, he really didn't need to examine it just now.

Oh yes, I have been told to warn you not to read this over breakfast. But I think you'll have worked that out for yourselves by now.

You know, I've been feeling just hunky dory, but for some reason my, er, 'rear end emissions' have taken on a life of their own this last week.

Cue a visit down the road to the vet's on Monday.

Aren't they supposed to like sticking their hands up cow's backsides and all?

Not this one.

He gave Gail a tube of 'stopper upper' to put on my food, and said that's £50 thank you, he'll be fine.

For some reason Gail seems nervous about the train ride down to Nottingham later today.

I, of course, am looking forward to seeing Human Granny and Grandad.

Dinner time with the grandparents

There are several things that I hope you have noticed in the picture above:

1. Human Granny and Grandad are very well trained at posing for the camera aren't they? (I am told I would do well to follow their lead, but that's not fair is it? I mean, I am posing nicely here too).
2. Did you spot the festive table decoration? We think it dates back to the Precambrian....
3. Grandad may not be as sharp as he once was (he is in his ninetieth year), but he still knows to guard his glass of wine against prying noses and tongues.....
4. Can you see Granny's home made steak and kidney pie? Gail says it's the tastiest in the WHOLE WORLD. I was allowed a little bit of kidney after the meal and it was HEAVENLY!
5. The dish on the right contains tagliatelle, a heated up left-over from an earlier meal. Never mind that this is an unconventional accompaniment to steak and kidney pie. The generation that experienced rationing does not waste food.
6. Isn't it a pretty Nottingham lace tablecloth, a wedding present from Grandad's friend Keith, back in 1956. Those of you who used to read Hamish's blog might remember the story about him, some scones and jam, and this very same tablecloth.  For some reason I was never allowed up close enough to check out if the stains were still visible....

Happy New Year everyone. I hope we all have a fabulous 2011. 

Can I confide in you please?

Oh I have been getting so many lectures this week.

"Now Bertie, you won't be doing that when we visit Granny and Grandad's will you?"

"Bertie you must remember to be very quiet because my father just hates yappy dogs."

"Bertie you must realise that the human grandparents aren't used to puppies and they won't understand the difference between a friendly nibble and a nasty bite."

"Bertie, your Granny won't want her pale coloured summer trousers decorated with a pattern of muddy paws."

"Bertie, if you see a plate of scones temptingly laid out on a lace tablecloth*, DON'T YOU DARE GO ANYWHERE NEAR!"

And finally:

"Bertie, when we're in Nottingham, I am afraid that we won't be able to devote much time to your blog, so you'd better warn your pals that they may not be hearing much from you over the next week or so".

So I admit I am just a little apprehensive about this visit down south to England.

We head off later today. Wish me luck!

*Reference to a notorious incident...