Disappointed? Oh Bertie, it's not because we didn't have a chance to mingle with any of those wedding guests at the Sky Lodge Hotel in New Scone on Saturday night is it?
No, no, no Gail, it's not that. After all, I was too tired to be on 'meet and greet' duty anyway. No, I am disappointed that my best position at the Fair City Dog Agility Show was second, when to progress to Grade 2, I needed a win.
Oh Bertie, but I was so proud of you. Two clear rounds out of three, and no eliminations. You did brilliantly. If only you had been a wee bit faster, you would have had a first for sure.
Well yes. A bit faster. Quite. So Gail, I wanted to ask you something about your cycling club friends.
My cycling friends! Bertie, whatever next?
I am right in thinking, am I not, that you have been knocking around with these folk since you lived in London in the 1980's and 90's?
Well it seems to me that, given, you know, all we've read in the papers about Lance Armstrong etc, that maybe some of your friends might, er, might be able to advise me on how to, well, er, to chemically enhance my performance…?
BERTIE! Did I hear that right? I am SO SHOCKED. My friends are touring cyclists not racing cyclists and certainly we have NEVER taken those sorts of drugs. You should be ashamed of yourself for even thinking such a thing.
But, but, but. Oh I am sorry Gail, I didn't mean to cause offence. It's just that some of the other agility dogs are so much quicker than me. Like, the one who beat me to second place got round in ten seconds less than I took. I just don't think I can run that fast without some sort of extra help.
Well now Bertie, I agree that a couple of your rivals would appear to be rocket propelled, but they also make mistakes. You are accurate and clever on the tight turns and rarely knock poles over or miss your contacts. Of course, it doesn't help when you just amble over the dog walk admiring the view. But remember Bertie, there is no point in doing agility if you and I are not having fun. If you don't want to carry on, just say.
Not carry on with agility? You are joking, right? I mean, going to training and seeing all my pals is the highlight of my week. And I have noticed that you Gail are finally starting to get a bit better at giving me directions and your arm signals are less confusing than formerly. It is satisfying to watch you improve.
And anyway, where else could I find such a rich source of material for my blog…