Request for promotion

Dear VisitWoods Project Leader,

As you know, I have been working as an Assistant Web Guide Volunteer on the Visit Woods project for the last couple of months.  I hope you are pleased with my work to date. I have been taking my new role very seriously.

Several of my canine blog friends (well, one or two) have suggested to me that I deserve a more elevated title, and that a promotion to  'Associate Web Guide Volunteer' is in order. On reflection, I believe that they are right. Organisations being what they are these days, I understand that a promotion cannot be offered to any random dog that demands it, and that I need to make a solid case in support of my request. Now let me see....

Well first, I would like to stress the unique nature of my contribution to the Visit Woods project. Which other of your volunteers has so sensitive a nose and so cute an appearance? Let's be honest, a tree looks much more interesting with a wire-haired fox terrier posed in front, and of course the fact that I stand 17" high at the shoulder provides a useful reference scale.

Next, I think you should be aware I have made not inconsiderable personal sacrifices in the line of duty. For example, did you know that, after my inspection of Countesswells Wood, I was subjected to my first ever bath with shampoo?!!! And that on my 15 km run around Pitfichie, following Gail and Mike on their mountain bikes, I was so exhausted by the end that I kept running in the wrong direction? A situation made all the more embarrassing when it became clear that my companions border terrier Bonnie and toy poodle Jack completed the circuit with no apparent difficulty?

My high level of enthusiasm for 'meet and greet' activities should also be noted. How many other of your volunteers will cheerfully bounce up to and jump all over other woodland visitors, fondly licking any accessible bare flesh and establishing a special form of intimacy by fervently sniffing the area I believe humans refer to as their, er, crotch?

The heroic role I played in preventing a wee human volunteer from being crushed by a Forestry Commission vehicle has been documented elsewhere. (I am considering initiating legal proceedings against those who maintain that this interpretation of events in Durris Forest is incorrect).

My scientific credentials will be obvious to anyone who has perused the 'Bertie Boffin's Science Posts' page of my blog.

Last week I participated in an extra-curricular Woodland Trust activity, namely the Ancient Tree Hunt in Glen Finglas. I believe that this sort of thing earns one extra brownie points. The montage below illustrates my conscientious efforts, hunting out fat, gnarly alder and birch trees, overseeing accurate recording of data and patiently posing as a mascot. This is probably not the right place to express my disappointment that at the end of the day, unlike the human volunteers present, I was not awarded a certificate commending my contribution, but I thought I'd just mention it anyway...

click on picture to biggify

Well, all in all, I think it is clear that an upgrading of my status within your organisation is well overdue. Should further evidence be needed, please do get in touch.

I  look forward to receiving official confirmation of my new rank forthwith.

Yours faithfully,
B. Bertie of Aberdeen.