Sunday, 19 February 2012

Time to put away puppyish things?

"When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things."

This is a serious, sober and grown-up post. I hope you can tell.

You see, it was my second birthday yesterday. I’ll show you some pictures of the my presents another time (i.e. when Gail has found the card reader for the camera) but for the moment we shall pause to reflect upon what it means for a dog when he reaches that age at which he is considered fully mature.

In fact I have been issued with a set of instructions as to how the adult wire-haired fox terrier is supposed to conduct himself. It is a lengthy and frankly rather intimidating list.  Apparently, at two years old, one can no longer excuse one’s misdemeanours as mere puppyish pranks.  It is expected that henceforth one’s behaviour will be impeccable. For example:

  • Chewing activities are restricted to designated toys and dog food.  
  • One will not jump up at humans unless explicitly invited.
  • Commands will be obeyed at all times, instantaneously.
  • In particular, one should be able to comprehend the meaning of every part of the word ‘NO!’
  • Rolling is only permitted on odour-free surfaces, and hole digging in the garden is banned except in the designated corner. 
  • One will submit to one’s human’s cack-handed grooming efforts without complaint.
  • Small and timorous dogs met in the park will not be terrorised, and bigger dogs will be treated with due respect.
  • One must remember that sheep are for growing future woolly sweaters or providing Sunday roasts accompanied by mint sauce; they are not for chasing across the hillsides.
  • Barking in the car is a thing of the past.
  • As is ‘mad hour’ – that period of the day when one feels compelled to rush around the house, bouncing on and off the furniture and walls and randomly trying to grab in one’s jaw any available human limb …
  • ...
Oh dear. The list goes on and on. And on. 

I am going to find this being grown-up business awfully difficult.

Yes you may wish me a (belated) Happy Birthday.


  1. Happy belated Birthday, Bertie. Has it really been two years?

    We older girls would like to give you some advice.....THROW OUT THAT yourself....even if you are 'more annoying than a midge'!

    XXXOOO Daisy, Bella & Roxy

  2. Happy Birthday Bertie. Please for all of us take that list outside and take a good long peepee on it. Then go and do what us doggies do, have fun and get into mischief while carefully watching after our peeps.

    Loveys Sasha

  3. Happy Belated Birthday Bertie!
    Don't worry too much about the grown up list...most of us are puppies all of our lives thank pawness!
    Hope you got some nice prezzies

    Big Nose Pokes
    The Thugletsx

  4. Oh List Schmist...... who gave you this list...... two means two...not the end of all funs!!!!!

    I'm turning two in about 2 and a half months.....I hope no one hands me a list - but thanks for the heads up Bertie!

    Tail Wuggles, Rubie

  5. Happy 2nd Birthday little Bertie, we urge you never to lose tuch with your inner puppy!
    That is what keeps you young and makes life fun.

    Your Auntie Bailey is now 8yrs old and recommends you chew up that list immediately.
    Clearly written by a human!

    We find a lot of humans like lists - they are such a strange breed.
    We would point out that a doggie enthusiastic welcome in what keeps a lot of humans happy.
    They can be so reserved themselves.

    Rolling in something disgusting has such a feel good factor!

    Chewing is so satisfying, Martha particularly likes the mail.

    The happy hour is an essential part of the canine day.

    The word 'NO' was invented by humans who have forgotten how to have fun.

    Barking in the car is very rewarding with the additonal acoustic benefits.

    We do recommend you take heed re the sheep as some humans take this very badly ...........!

    Never grow up dear little Bertie.

    Much love

    Martha & Bailey xxx

  6. HAPPY HAPPY BELATED SECOND BIRFDAY BERTIE!! I am sooooo sorry that we missed the exact day.

    I LOVE Sasha's suggestion fur that LIST thingy. PERFECT "Solution" for it. You can then put it "BEHIND" you. I'm just sayin.

  7. Belated Happy Birthday Bertie.
    From me and a Kiss from Tess XX :)
    I don't think the fun stops at the age of two, you just have to be a little sly about it ;)and I'm sure you put a smile on Gail's face even if she doesn't show you.
    Have a good week
    See Yea George xxx

  8. Bertie happy happy birthday.

    That list is definitely all made up by the humans, no dog, and certainly no terrier ever followed all of those rules. Unless the dog in question was a robot

  9. Happy belated B'day Bertie! You are only as old as you feel! Hugs from Horatio and me. xx

  10. Happy Birthday, Bertie! Here's the thing - when you get to be my age (14) you can start doing all these things again and just blame it on old age!

    Your pal, Pip

  11. Oh throw that list out Bertie. Mad hour is the best part of the day!


  12. Already!!!!!!!!! Happee Birthday
    Benny & Lily

  13. Happy Birthday Bertie . Don't worry about all the rules, because as you must know rules are made to be broken.

  14. Oh my gosh Bertie, how depressing. No fun anywhere in that list. Nearly makes you not want to have a birthday if that's what's expected. The only thing we suggest is to CHEW THAT SILLY LIST UP!! We know, kinda hard since its on the computer but try your best buddy.

    Our birthday present to you is that you have the right to ignore all lists involving unfair and boring advice. Happy Birthday Bertie. We hope you are spoilt rotten. No worries, and love, Stella and Rory

  15. Happy 2nd Birthday, Bertie! OMD... Who wrote that list? Never going to are a terrier..BOL


  16. Hi Gail, I read on your comment with Maxmom about a little doggie who had bad comments written about him. Can you give me his blog address cause I would like him to know we are not like that in our community. Love Carol

  17. Happy Belated B-day Bertie!

    Growing up sucks doesnt it? :(


  18. We are so glad to see all your blogging buddies have given you good advice Bertie!
    We popped back to read what they said.
    Martha & Bailey xx

  19. Hi Bertie,

    Happy Birthday for the 18th.

    I think you should chew up Gail's instructions and continue to be you until you are at least ten. Why conform with the rest of the pack, when you have so much character and paw-sonality!


  20. Hey Bertie,
    what a bummer with all those rules!! I know they have em but you still have to have your puppy side ya know? I better NOT tell this stuff to Addy~~You should see her when she gets that 65 lb body a chargin and jumps on the loveseat, I mean the whole thing goes back on 2 legs, luckily the radiator is there otherwise it would be on its backside!! BOL
    Happy Birthday Bertie!!

    Jazzi and Addy

  21. Happy Belated Birthday, Bertie! We're so sorry to be late.

    We are entirely in accord with your wise aunties, Martha and Bailey. Abby, especially, has been ignoring The List for 8 years and counting. Except for the no harassing livestock part; in the U.S., they can legally shoot doggies who are caught in flagrante harassing livestock. Probably more civilized in Scotland, but we wouldn't risk your life on it.

    We hope you got lots of nice pressies and yummy treats and a really long ramble.

    Jed & Abby

  22. Bertie, I turned 7 in December, and I just this minute got all bouncy and tried to grab Mom's hand and run through the house with Ruby. Don't be daunted by Gail's list. Age is only a number!!


  23. oh bertie
    you're still a puppy!
    tell gail you're keeping her young too.
    chew up the list and then poop it where the sun don't shine! ... ahem, in that dedicated hole in the garden apparently.
    tammy j

  24. Very belated birthday Bertie. My apologies for being tardy but we have been very busy Down Under. As to the grown up business - ok, I'm 6 years old now and when I was two, I was told much the same thing as you and you know, I did what I always do when the Two Legged Ones tell me stuff I don't like or think is just plain silly or completely un-doable for a terrier - I sit down, head tilted to one side, looking oh so interested then I sigh heavily, turn around and walk away and proceed to ignore, with great determination (and charm, I like to think) everything I have just heard. Grown up - I'm still waiting for that to happen to me!



  25. Absolutely love your blog Bertie-Blizzard and Phoenix-Siberian Huskies(with a bit of cocker spaniel) mix- We live in far away India