Wednesday 14 October 2020

Application for Covid Sniffer Dog post

Out of every crisis comes an opportunity. 

Did you see this in the papers?

So dogs have been trained to sniff out people with Covid-19. A job that would surely suit me. Here's my application. 

Basic Details

Name: Bouncing Bertie (Kennel Club name: Granddach Beinn Alligin)
Breed: Fox terrier (wire-haired)
Age: 10 years 8 months

Relevant experience 
  • Sniffing trees, lamp posts, and everything else that comes my way 
  • Er, more sniffing 

Personal statement

Look, if that spaniel above can do the job, then so can I. We have a spaniel living next door and frankly she's not that smart. Regarding the sniffing business, visitors to my house over the years will attest that I am particularly attentive to male human feet, with or without socks. Also I am an experienced international traveller, so would feel right at home in, say, an airport or ferry terminal, checking people as they enter the UK (something our government has, to date, signally failed to do). Being a terrier, I am quite a persistent wee chappie, and eager to learn. Please note, that thing about old dogs and news tricks is a bunch of lies! But I would like to point out I am well past the stage of life when I would annoy strangers by nipping at their ankles. Of course, I would expect to be appropriately, no generously, rewarded for my efforts - slivers of finest Aberdeen Angus fillet steaks at each break time, at a minimum. My owner is retired so has plenty of time to assist in my training. The fact that I once was a finalist in the Ambassadog for Scotland competition is surely a point in my favour too. Oh and did I mention I'm pretty good at sniffing? 

I look forward to receiving a job offer shortly...


  1. Bertie they have to hire you... you are the terrier for that job... no doubts!

  2. Hari OM
    The powers that be would be KERAZY not to issue you your warrant card right away, Bertie lad - if you need further commendations, do not hesitate to forward my name!!! Hugs and wags, YAM-aunty xxx

  3. Bertie - the job is sure to be yours!
    I, too, am a sniffer! My human says that when my original owners bred me, and then kept me for making more babies (unsuccessfully, which is why I've ended up here), they missed a great opportunity!
    Not only do I sniff everywhere, and sometimes go back for a second sniff, but I sniff the air too! Perhaps I should apply for a job? Of course, my human would be rubbish at training me, but I'd press home the point about the steak as a reward - although being in Spain it might be Paella!
    I'm a wee bit older than you, (11 years on the 19th of this month) but my nose is still as keen as ever!
    Good luck with your application.

    Inca xx

  4. Dear Granddach Beinn Alligin (Bertie), if I were reading applications, yours would be at the top, based not only on your sniffing experience, but also on your international traveling! On the other hand, perhaps quiet times with Gail, including steak(!) are in order. /Fay and Aberwyvern ap Enaid Siarl (Tali, who is a companion on a journey similar to yours).

    1. Hi Fay, we send love and hugs to you and Tali.
      Gail and Bertie xx.

    2. And to you as well and to our two stalwart companions with (Scottish and Welsh) Gaelic names.

  5. You would so excel at this job, Bertie!

  6. That job is perfect for you, Bertie. We think Walter could apply for this job too.

  7. BOL BOL BOL Bertie I purrsonally think you can do anything you set your mind to doing and excel at it. You are the entire package: handsome, smart, adaptable, easy going (for the right treat) obedient (we won't talk about the dash you made down the train platform, bol)
    and most of all a wonderful dependable friend.
    Hugs Cecilia

  8. Dang Bertie my first comment fell into a black hole..and it was a great comment too. Let me try to recreate it;
    You are the complete package and probably don't need to worry about work
    handsome, smart, kind, obedient (we won't mention the dash down the train platform) you have the best WFT tail in the universe, kind and most of all a dependable and loving friend.
    (Gosh darnit I said more firs time around, my senior mind can't remember).

  9. BOL BOL #3 well lookie there both posted.
    Good I see I thought of some different traits in the 2nd comment

  10. Ocne they see this wonderful resume. we know they'll send you a generous offer!!

  11. OMD, I'm an expert sniffer! I should apply for the American side of this, and maybe we can meet at international conferences.

  12. We think this new job was made just for you, Bertie. If you need any backups, we are also available. We not only keep our snooters to the ground but we also raise them high in the air to catch the drift of those wonderful scents.

    Woos - Lightning, Misty, and Timber

  13. We can't imagine a more qualified applicant Bertie.

  14. Bertie, you would do an awesome job for sure. Having a dog sniff you beats a stuck up the nose.

  15. We have seen dogs training to sniff out C-19. We think you would be superb. We'll get sidetracked if there were cat or food smells around.

  16. You've got it nailed, Bertie! They're going to be coming to get you - to scoop you up because you are the BEST!

  17. Oh wow, you have to be a shoe-in, for sure!

  18. That is quite the resume Bertie! How could they refuse?