Sunday, 16 February 2014

Torridon cattle grid blues...

Gail, have you not noticed? We have come to a cattle grid. It is your job to pick me up and carry me across.

Oh for heaven's sake Bertie, you’re a big boy now. Why not give it a go by yourself, just this once?

I don’t think so Gail. Cattle grids are very dangerous. Remember that time when I was a pup and in my youthful enthusiasm I jumped on the grate over by Loch Clair, and fell between the rails and I was all scared and panicky and you had to rescue me. These traumatic events early in one’s life make a lasting impression you know.

Really Bertie, that was a long time ago, when you had barely worked out how to control your legs (which after all were growing a rate of about a centimeter a day). You’re much better coordinated these days, I’m sure you could manage. 

I am totally not going to even try. Especially since you have your camera out. What would my sweetheart Addi think if I stumbled and she were to see a photo of me, legs flailing, sprawled all over the place like a drunken Torry quine on Union Street on a Saturday night?

Sigh. You are becoming as stubborn as Hamish. Who, incidentally, would have trotted confidently across this grid without a care in the world. Come on you big wuss.

Gail, you are forgetting that Hamish, a Westie, had the advantage of a low centre of gravity and bigger paws than me. And there is no need to be calling me names and making light of my deep-seated anxieties.

Bertie, I am so sorry. Don’t look at me like that.

Please carry me. Please. I am going to sit here until you come back and pick me up.

(After a lengthy stand off, Gail relents.)

All right then. You win. Again. Up and over we go. 


  1. Oh Bertie I am so with you Cattle grids are so dangerous

  2. It's Manipulation you see
    That is how I get Gail to come carry me
    Just a wistful glance, and we start the dance
    Which ends up right where I need to be.

    Just Manipulation you know
    Like a fine sublime picture show
    First I shake with grace
    Then I kiss your face
    Manipulation turns to Love.


  3. My dogs would expect to be carried across that as well!

  4. Bertie my mom 100% agrees with you she will walk a block out of the way to avoid walking over grates and besides you deserve to be carried. PERIOD
    hugs madi I always have your back

  5. Bertie, we have big, giant paws, and there is absolutely NO FREAKIN' WAY we'd walk over that thing. Butt, mom carry us?? BOL!!

    -Bart, Ruby and Otto

  6. I could see Monty demanding we carry him across...

    Monty and Harlow

  7. When Mom lived back in Australia she got her foot stuck in one of those so she understands you fear...they are so not nice.

  8. A shocking and disheartening exchange. That cattle grid seems like a trap designed for wee little terrier legs. I'm glad you stood your ground and insisted on safe transport.


  9. If cattle won't go over it....then it's no place for dogs. We would be adamant, too!

    XXXOOO Daisy, Bella & Roxy

  10. Never seen one of those up close but I would have been right there with you, Bertie!

  11. Excellent negotiation Bertie. Way to stand strong. That thing looked evil and not to be messed with!!!

  12. A wee boy like you will always need his Mummy to help him. I am glad I am constructed better and can get places on my own!


  13. I don't blame ya, I used to walk around da subway grates on da sidewalk when I lived in Bawston. But if a squirrel were on da other side, I bet I could find da proper motivation.

  14. Up and over you go and too right Bertie the peeps have to be useful for something. Have a marvellous Monday.
    Best wishes Molly

  15. Hari OM
    WTG Bertie lad. You are, after all, the master... Hugs and wags, YAM-aunty xxx

  16. Refusing to walk over a cattle grid is such a dachshund thing to do. Perhaps I'm having a bad influence on you? :)

    Alright, I just thought of a new joke. How do you keep intelligent cows from wandering too far from the herd? I guess you need a smart grid!

    Seriously... does it work? Let me know, so I can ask Pog to tweet it. (Pog is an imaginary character who lives with us and has her/his own Twitter account. Pog is also a big fan of your blog, like the rest of us!)

    1. Totally works for us. Smart grid. Bwahaha! The world will be most GRATE-ful to Pog for this piece of merriment...

  17. Once upon a time, when Jake was a young pup, I heard that he went for a walk with mom and dad and stopped at a flat metal grate. He looked at it; sniffed it; put one toe on it briefly; and absolutely refused to walk on it. Every time they came to it, he would walk around it. So, dear Auntie Gail, please be more understanding of these occasional quirks that cause us wirey lads to seem a bit obstinate, I bet there are at least one or two things that you refuse to do, "just because." But know that we love you anyhow, anyway!!! And if we had to carry you across, of course we would!!!

    Wirey woof.

    Just Harry