Thursday, 31 December 2015

Goodbye Cragmoor Road


On Clearing Out Human Granny's House

Us dogs can always sense when something is amiss.

Our noses can detect
Change in the air, the end of things, and sadness.

A lifetime of cupboards, emptied, yield
Pile upon pile of holiday leaflets; medicines galore;
A Nottingham lace tablecloth,
Still faintly stained with raspberry jam;
Notes from every evening class ever attended,
(And there were many).

Did Human Grandad once throw away
An item he could mend?
I doubt it.
No saucepan handle in this house
Escaped his meticulous application of araldite.
Was ever a rusty bolt discarded
When it could be stored in a Gold Block tobacco tin
For future use?

Who uses now
A 'best' china tea set (non-dishwasher proof)?
What to do with table linen - napkins, cloths, mats -
Lace or embroidered, stiffly starched,
Untouched for half a century?

*****

A sudden moment of delight.
A wad of letters, unknown, unsuspected,
Found in an old folder.
Close-typed on tissue thin airmail paper,
Stamped RAF, Egypt, 1945,
From a fond father
To the teenager who became Human Granny.

*****

But why will the charity shop not take
The painted furniture?
Can it really be so dangerous?
Surely some poor soul would be glad of it?
I lick Gail's hand to compensate
For tears shed, as Human Uncle
Builds a funeral pyre of tables, desks, chairs,
Unwanted but for the memories.

Us dogs can always sense when something is amiss.

Tuesday, 29 December 2015

A special calendar for Gail?


(STILL IN NOTTINGHAM)

Gail, please take a break from packing all those boxes, I want to ask you a question.

What is it, dear little Bertie?

Well, I can't help but notice that no-one gave you a calendar for Christmas this year, did they? 

That's true I'm afraid. I'll have to buy one myself. 

No no Gail. please don't do that. I am going to order one for you, although as it comes from Russia it may not be here for a few days yet.  

Russia? Bertie, I am intrigued. 

Yes, it is a Vladimir Putin calendar. I read all about it on the BBC website. Mr Putin is a nice man, and very good looking, don't you agree?

Er, I don't quite know what to say Bertie. What on earth makes you think that Mr Putin is a 'nice man' and that I might want his calendar?

Well look at his picture for November. Isn't it cute? And you know what the caption says? It says - I am translating from the Russian here - "Dogs and I have very warm feelings for each other". 


Well Bertie, frankly, I am rendered speechless... 

Oh and look, Here is President Putin in June, with a flower in his hand. No it is not a weed, don't be silly Gail. And he is saying "I like all Russian women. I think Russian women are the most talented and most beautiful." Really, he does seem a most sensitive chap.

Gail, I see you are still at a loss for words. Well how about the July picture? I suppose it is hot in Russia in July, as he has gone fishing without a shirt. You wouldn't do that in Scotland would you? 
Gail, what is that you are saying about him being "better endowed" than you are?? Isn't that a good thing? Oh. Not in a man? There is no accounting for tastes I guess. 

Well on that, at least, we can agree. Bertie, I just can't wait for the calendar to arrive...

Saturday, 26 December 2015

Usurped by Cousin Percy

I always thought I was Human Granny's favourite dog. At least I did until yesterday…
I knew that standard poodle cousin Percy was bossy. As well as being HUGE. But that he was such a suck up...
And no I don't want to pose for a group shot. I just don't feel like it.
Really, these Christmas family visits can be quite tiresome, can't they? Although I must say HGY did seem to be enjoying herself, merrily chatting away to her grandchildren, apparently oblivious to the fact that I was just a tiny bit hurt at being ignored.

Thursday, 24 December 2015

An odd sort of Christmas this year

I'll be honest with you, I've had the hardest time of it, getting Gail to take a Christmassy photo for my blog, and this is the best she could manage. 

Let me now show you what the house in Nottingham really looks like at the moment.

I'm told this is the last time I shall be staying in Human Granny's house. As you know, she no longer lives here, and apparently it has been sold and new people are moving in on 8th January. 

To escape the house clearing chaos, I went to spend a quiet moment with Human Grandad in the parish burial ground. I think HGD would have been proud of the way I stood to attention in my best 'alert terrier' pose, and also would have liked the Christmas wreath Gail bought him.

Tomorrow we are taking Human Granny to Derbyshire for Christmas dinner with my poodle cousins Percy and Coco and their family. I am hoping that I shall have some properly festive photos to show you after that visit. I am also hoping that Percy (who is HUGE) will not be too bossy.

A Merry Christmas to my dear readers. I am so fond of you all.