Name envy

A few days ago,  Gail and I tried out a new dog-friendly café, 'Figment', conveniently situated beside my favourite shop, 'Pet Comforts'.

At the table next to us was a quiet and sensible looking miniature schnauzer and Gail fell into conversation with his owner while we two pups warily sized each other up.

The schnauzer was wearing a cosy blue fleece jacket and I found myself feeling a bit under-dressed, and wishing I had on my Aran jumper.

Having established from his human that my new pal was two years old, very well behaved, and lived round the corner from the café, Gail asked her his name.

'Einstein' apparently.

Gosh, if I was already coveting the blue fleece, just imagine how envious I felt when I learned of this most distinguished moniker.

"Gail, you claim to be some sort of a physicist, why did you not call me Einstein?" I asked when we got home.

She replied, in retrospect quite sympathetically (for Gail). "I'm so sorry. Who knew you were such sensitive little fellow? If it matters so much to you, shall we just pretend that Bertie is short for Albert, and that I had Albert Einstein in mind when I named you and not Bertie Wooster, not him at all!

Do you think this was a satisfactory resolution?

Back to the scene in the café. While Gail was finishing her tea, Einstein and I had time for a wee chinwag. To be honest with you, I found him a bit hard going. Our conversation went like this:

BB: Well Einstein, do you want to play with me?
Einstein: God does not play dice with the universe.

BB: Er, OK then, perhaps you would prefer to be with your human? She looks pretty smart.
Einstein: Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.

BB: Say, Einstein, it’s a bit chilly today isn’t it? And I almost fell over on the ice.
Einstein: Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.

BB: Well, I guess it must be time to go home, it’s dark already. Look, a full moon tonight!
Einstein: I like to think the moon is there even if I am not looking at it.

Gail later asked me if I’d had a nice time chatting with my new Schnauzer pal.
“Relatively”, I replied.

A meaningless concept?

So I woke all bright and bouncy, ready for my Sunday morning walk in the park. Come on Gail, I woofed, enough of reading that physics book*, let's be moving, there's no time like the present!

You won't believe Gail's response.

"But Bertie, there is no such thing as 'the present' in relation to time in the universe. According Carlo Rovelli, it is a meaningless concept."

WHATTT!!

And when I suggested she get up, get dressed and go and find my lead, Gail replied thus:

"Also Bertie, our world is best understood not as a collection of things (such as your lead, or the park) but as a network of events. Furthermore, to quote the esteemed Professor Rovelli, the events of the world do not form an orderly queue, like the English. They crowd around chaotically, like Italians."

Well. I pointed out to Gail that this Sunday morning that I was not in search of a theory explaining either the universe or Italians, and that the event which most interested me was a good leg stretch with some time for pee-mail sniffing, and that things like leads and the park are definitely meaningful in this context, and that, oh by the way, there was no possibility of this event/outing occurring before she roused herself from bed and put away her book...

Eventually she conceded the point and out we went.

*'The Order of Time, by Carlo Rovelli.