Vertigo?

"Does Bertie suffer from vertigo?" Renate asked over breakfast on Sunday, and Gail replied that she didn't know, as she'd never taken me in a cable car before.

I am pleased to note that, showing great faith in my resilient and unflappable nature, Gail added,

"I think he'll be OK. Not much fazes him these days".

And so it was I got to ride in the Breitenberg Seilbahn in the Bavarian Alps on Sunday afternoon.

I'll admit that I was a bit apprehensive at first, but I was so determined not to let Gail down.

I told myself that we were in Germany, the land of Vorsprung durch Technik and all that, and after a minute or two I relaxed and, along with the humans, took great pleasure in looking out of the window and beholding the magnificent autumn Alpine landscape unfolding beneath us.

I am now more than  happy to recommend cable car travel to any of my canine friends, should you ever be offered the opportunity!

Later in the day we ventured across the nearby international border and I can now add Austria to the roster of countries I've visited.

When we arrived back home in Buchloe, Michael went downstairs to buy ice-cream sundaes for the humans. (Yes, our friends really do have an ice cream parlour on the ground floor of their apartment block. Imagine that!)

Renate and Michael have been such wonderful hosts that I am prepared to forgive them for not sharing on this occasion.

Dexterity and balance - the 'WOBBLIE'

Fellow pups! Do you ever feel that your human might benefit from improved dexterity, flexibility and balance?

Perhaps they are 'not as young as they used to be'. Or maybe they have been spending your treat money on expensive Pilates or yoga classes.

Now that the warmer weather is with us, let me recommend my special training programme, the 'WOBBLIE'  (Working Out with Bouncing Bertie while Licking Ice-cream Exercise).

Your human will love the unique combination of keep-fit and indulgence. This is how it works.

It is a beautiful day and time for your afternoon walk. You quickly deduce, from the direction of travel and the clement weather conditions, that your human is heading for the ice-cream shop, about a mile away. Normally you would perform your afternoon 'business' pretty soon once you are the obligatory hundred yards away from your home, but today you sense an opportunity to give your human an extra work-out. So  you thoughtfully hold it all in until you have reached the ice-cream place and she has been inside and purchased a cone generously filled with her favourite flavour (coffee or vanilla, since you asked).

You can picture the scene. The sun is shining, your human is walking along, your lead in one hand, ice-cream cone in the other, happily licking away.

Now is the time to 'evacuate'. What better test of dexterity and balance than to have her place your lead in the ice-cream hand, reach for the poop bag with the other, bend over and pick up the poop, holding the ice-cream as far away as possible?  In Level 2 of the exercise you might want to jerk the lead a little at this point. Level 3 requires her to be wearing a white top.

Of course she will somehow need to tie the filled poop bag, one-handed, too.

One must recognise that it might take some practice before your human can complete the exercise without either falling over, letting go your lead or losing a single morsel of the precious ice-cream.

But I am sure your human will be grateful for your contribution to her well being and will reward you with at least the pointy tip of the ice-cream cone.

Level 4 involves, of course, your human simultaneously taking a selfie while conducting the pick up operation. Gail has not yet reached this stage. (In fact when she heard about it she asked, in a rather exasperated tone, did I expect her to grow a third arm or what?)

So anyway, here is a nice photo of cherry blossom, taken later on the walk. Look at that blue sky!

P.S. Do let me know how your human gets on with the WOBBLIE.

Sharing is caring

On the way home to Aberdeen on Easter Monday, we took a small diversion to Portsoy to visit Gail's friend Dave and his "labradoodle" Jasper. Another guest, Henry the "some sort of spaniel", was also there to greet us (noisily) in the garden.

We had finally caught up with the heatwave that the rest of the country had been revelling in all weekend, and Portsoy is famous for, amongst other things*, its ice cream shop. In these circumstances, on a Bank Holiday, I understand that humans are permitted a mid afternoon indulgence.

I want you to note carefully what is happening in the photo below.

Yes, what you see is Dave generously offering each of us dogs a third of his ice cream wafer, before tucking into his tub containing one scoop of raspberry mallow and one scoop of Belgian chocolate ice cream.

What a fine example he sets.

I need hardly tell you that Gail scoffed her ice cream and her wafer, not thinking one minute to share until there were just a few thin smears of wild strawberry and caramel latte flavour remaining in her tub.

I hope by next time she will have learned some better manners from her friend.

*Portsoy is also famous for its annual Scottish Traditional Boat Festival, and for being the closest town to the RAF base from where Gail's father flew Mosquitos in the latter part of WW2.

Ice and ice-cream - a discussion

Scene near Gail's workplace, 25 April

Gosh Gail, I am wondering why you decided to whip up some home-made ice cream, the very week when it has been snowing again in Aberdeen? Your timing is not good is it?

Bertie, surely you know that criticising your human is not part of the dog job description! Rather, you are supposed to offer non-judgemental adoration at all times. That said, I will concede you might have a point about the poor timing. 

Yes. Please explain yourself then.

Well Bertie, you know how much we both love reading about the adventures of our PON friends Bob and Sophie and their humans Angus and 'the Font', in Angus's daily blog? The writing is so vivid that for a few minutes each morning we are transported to their warm corner of France profonde, and we forget we live in chilly Aberdeen, don't we? 

Er yes I guess that's true up to a point. Although the fact that I am still waiting to be offered a sliver of croissant for breakfast is something of a give-away, I feel.

Anyway, Angus mentioned at the weekend that 'the Font' was making homemade buttermilk ice cream and it sounded so delicious!  No soon as he had kindly provided the recipe than I hot footed it down to Sainsbury's for the ingredients, and it was all in the freezer before the BBC's Tomasz Schafernaker could say the words: "Cold blast of Arctic air imminent".


Hmmm, so now that I have warmed up from my icy walk around the park, I am thinking perhaps we could try a wee sample of the buttermilk ice cream? After all, it might be another year or so before we enjoy properly hot weather, and Gail, it would be dreadful for all your efforts to go to waste.

OK Bertie, I am persuaded, here it is!  A bowl with raspberries for me and a wee morsel for you too.


Oh my goodness this is utterly heavenly! Although I am thinking it is Scotch whisky and not the prescribed Bourbon you have mixed in with the cream, buttermilk, honey and granulated sugar?


Yes Bertie, in fact the Scotch whisky was your very own 'Sweet Wee Scallywag' blend. I'm so glad you liked the ice cream. I did too.


So when are we getting seconds then?