Bertie is not sure about Halloween

Am I looking scary?

Gail says no. Just a little bewildered perhaps...

FFHT: Bertie's Halloween Nightmare

It's Murphy and Stanley's FFHT time again. This month's special phrase is highlighted in red in the tale below.

My sweetheart Addi

Addi and the Pies

Oh I was so excited. Gail had bought me a first class plane ticket to Illinois so I could visit my sweetheart Addi for Halloween.

Before I left, I had, of course, to buy Addi a present. I thought she might like something British. And meaty. What could be better than a steak and kidney pie?

So I persuaded Gail to take me to the pie shop. In the window, they had a special seasonal display of pumpkin pies. "Why not buy one of those for Addi," asked Gail, "after all she is American and they like that sort of thing".

But I was confident in my original idea, and strode on past, making a beeline for the steak and kidney pie shelf.

Gail still seemed worried.

"I do think you're taking a risk there Bertie. In my family we like offal, but girls can be a little sniffy about kidney and suchlike".

"Not my Addi," I proclaimed as I made my pie selection.

How wrong I was.

Really, I don't want to dwell on what happened upon my arrival in Illinois.

Addi was there to greet me at the airport. I could tell by the bead of slobber dangling from her magnificent jaw that she was expecting something truly awesome. With a flourish, I handed her the box containing the steak and kidney pie.

And her reaction?

"Bertie, what on earth is this? Oh yuck it's kidney! Eeeew. I mean kidney is JUST SO DISGUSTING. EVERYONE KNOWS THAT. And were you not aware that I had turned vegetarian? Don't you EVER read my peemails? The only sort of pie I like these days is pumpkin pie. If you had any imagination, that's what you would have bought me. Oh I am so disappointed, I really don't think this relationship can continue. I am going in search of a dog with better taste in pies."

And off she flounced.

Well my friends, as you can imagine, after that I never turned my back on another pumpkin pie.

Addi and Bertie's Halloween revenge on Jake

Oh I was so thrilled to learn that my sweetheart Addi was coming over to join me on a Halloween adventure again this year.

Now I'm sure my readers will remember how I got hurt by my flat-coated retriever neighbour Jake back in September?

And I'm equally sure you will agree with me that he needed teaching a lesson, big time.

Of course, my wonderful best girl was keen to back me up.

When our humans first heard of our plan, they suggested Addi and I wear masks and frighten Jake that way. And just to humour them we agreed to try them on.



However, as some of you will already be aware, Addi and I have at our disposal a weapon far scarier than pathetic little face masks.

Yes, we have The Tank.

It was all guns blazing as we set off in search of Jake.


We had received special intelligence that Jake (the coward), on hearing Addi was in town to help me out, had barricaded himself up inside what he mistakenly imagined was a safe house.


It didn't take Addi and I long to sniff him out...




Oh and isn't Addi looking gorgeous! I think she even might have added some muscle since I last saw her. So magnificent in every respect. I could have stood there all day admiring her big boned perfection. But we had work to do.

To find out what happened next, you need to click here to go to Addi's blog.

Preparing for my next adventure with Addi

Later this week I shall be meeting my sweetheart Addi for a Halloween adventure. So of course I had to go and make sure our transport was in good nick.

 I set to work to make it all spick and span.

'Cos Addi is worth it.

What a girl!

Halloween mayhem with Addi and the tank..

So this was the scene in our kitchen as Gail said "goodbye" and "have a great time with Addi" and "please remember to keep your cape nice and straight".

Well you'll have to pop over to Jazzi Addi's blog to see exactly what happened next...

... You won't be surprised to learn that Addi was about as enthusiatic about her 'Target Dog' eye patch as I was keen on my Dracula outfit...

You can rest assured we had those costumes off faster than you could say 'trick or treat'. And as for the notion that we would then just "play nicely" with a pumpkin on a Scottish beach.

Well I think someone was forgetting that Addi and I have a far superior toy at our disposal... 

Oh Addi is a girl after my own heart. We are so alike in our thinking. I mean I know that some pups might be going all "how cute" when given the option to romp around together in a patch of jolly, smiling pumpkins.... 

But we had other ideas..

This was the scene after Addi and I laid waste to that old pumpkin patch...

Oh I can't tell you how much I adore Addi. What a fine, strapping lass she is. I am well and truly lovestruck. Do you know, before I set off for our date I thought and thought and thought about what present she would most like. Gail (who, let's be honest, is a strong contender for the world's most unimaginative gift giver) suggested flowers or jewellery, can you believe?

Luckily, with the help of Addi and Jazzi's Mom, I found something so much more suitable.

I am delighted to report that Addi was thrilled with her Halloween gift, and rewarded me with one of her most awesome ever smiles. She says she will treasure the finger for as long as it takes to totally decompose back in Illinois...

I am such a happy chap. 

Must Addi really return home? 

PS: Thanks to Addi's Mom for the fabulous photos

Preparing for my Halloween date with Addi

(Low budget made-to-measure Dracula Cloak couture, involving an old slip and a 1980's shoulder pad, by Marie-Thérèse.)

See also Jazzi's World.