So Bertie, I see you are enjoying the exercise area area at Fairways Pet Haven. Did you have a lovely holiday here? Renea the owner tells me you've been a Good Boy. Is that really true?
(Bertie summons his best 'butter wouldn't melt in my mouth' expression.)
Naturally Gail. I am always good. I trust you were well behaved during your Orkney cycling trip too?
Well Bertie, you will have to ask my companions Yvonne and Kirsty about that when you next see them. Did you make any new friends in my absence?
Of course! And before you ask, yes I did 'play nicely' with the other dogs. But please tell me more about Orkney. I gather the weather might have been rather windy for cycling.
I can tell you quite honestly that on some days we were blown away. Literally as well as metaphorically. Oh but Bertie, do let me show you a photo of the handsome dogs we saw on our day trip to the island of Hoy.
Hmmm. I see that whippet has a tartan fleece underneath his purple raincoat. And you know what? It's been warm and sunny all the time here in Aberdeen.
So I'm told Bertie. So I'm told. But we enjoyed seeing Orkney's world class archaeological sites - including Skara Brae, Europe's most complete Neolithic settlement, standing stone circles of the same age, plus Iron Age and Viking era ruins and much more besides. And then there were all those beautiful seascapes and pristine white sand beaches, and the abundant wild flowers and bird life.
Gosh, some of those Neolithic places must be even older than you, Yvonne and Kirsty then... Though to be honest, I am more interested in talking about the Orkney food. Tasty I trust?
On the whole yes Bertie. However I definitely do not recommend the Chinese takeaway in Stromness... And how was your appetite?
Tip top as ever Gail. I would note that when giving me my medication, the Fairways staff wrapped the tablets in a far more generous quantity of grated cheese than you tend to use. I hope you'll follow their example henceforth, 'cos I do believe, very scientifically, that more cheese enhances the efficacy of the pills...
Possibly Bertie, possibly. But don't push your luck. Oh but I'm so happy to see you again. Do come here and give me a cuddle.