Tuesday 6 February 2018

A Day in the Life of the Perfect Dog

A recent post from my blog friends Bob and Sophie has had Gail wondering what it would be like to own a perfectly behaved dog.

So I, Bertie, am going to conduct a thought experiment today, imagining a blog post describing a day in the life of such a dog.

Here goes:

Woke up. Realised that my owner was still fast asleep and so lay still for a while to avoid disturbing her.

Waited patiently until she had prepared her own breakfast, and when mine arrived, ate my kibble at a moderate pace, ensuring no food was caught in my beard, and delicately sipped my water without spilling any on the floor.

Played gently with favourite toy until my owner was ready to take me for a walk. Sat quietly and did not bark in frustration as she donned the many layers necessary for a winter walk in Scotland.
Perfect dog waits patiently for his walk 
Also did not bark as I walked down the street, out of consideration for the residents who were still asleep. Maintained a brisk pace en route to the park, despite a plethora of interesting smells, knowing that my owner gets irritated if I stop too much.

Once at the park, carefully evacuated bowels in a neat heap right under the dog waste bin, then ran free, but didn't stray far and always listened out should my owner want to recall me to her side. On observing a large and grumpy dog, steered well clear, as discretion is the better part of valour. Then played nicely with some dogs of roughly my own size and never ever growled at any young, tiny or submissive pups. Walked carefully around any dirty puddles, striving hard at all times to keep paws mud-free.

Back home, sat peacefully on my bed and later refrained from giving my owner the 'You should feel really guilty for leaving me as I shall be quite desolate without you' face when she went to work for a few hours.

On my owner's return, ran up and greeted her to let her know she is the most wonderful person in the world, but somehow did this without conveying any hint of neediness.

Settled down again, stayed in the same room as owner except when she visited the bathroom, as the perfect dog knows that humans do not necessarily appreciate being accompanied to the bathroom.

Noticed that owner had left some lamb chops in a shopping bag on the floor, but of course ignored them, aware they were not intended for me...

Oh what's that Gail? You're saying the post is getting quite preposterous, as well as long-winded and boring? 

Well anyway who ever would want to read about a perfectly-behaved dog....


  1. Lovely post Bertie. But gee your life, Gail's and the lives of your devoted readers, would be absolutely dead boring if your life was really like this fairy-tale you have just written. By the way how is Human Granny

    1. HGY is still in hospital but thankfully improving by the day.

  2. Oh I hope you will change the last part...Bertie there are lamb chops on the floor ... don't let them wait, grab them for a lamb-ada party ;O)

  3. It sounds like a boring day to me, BOL! I mean, ignoring lamb chops???

  4. Oh Bertie, I don't believe a word of it - what a boring life it sounds as though you lead, and we all know your life is anything but boring !
    Carry on being you - please !! Lamb chops left unattended? That's an invitation no decent pup could resist !

    Glad Human Granny is improving, hope she'll soon be home again.

    Inca xx

  5. Hari OM
    First - continued POTP for HGY in her healing time.

    Second - in Gail's dreams... I know you would never actually imagine such a case. You'd be letting down dogkind fiercely.

    Hugs and wags, YAM-aunty xxx

  6. Gail would soon get bored wiv 'perfect dog' and unfit...I'm sure she'd appreciate the GREAT exercise of chasing you around to retrieve the lamb chops
    Luffs and hugs to HGY
    Loves and licky kisses
    Princess Leah xxx

  7. Bertie: Teka responds that she would NEVEAR want to be a perfect dog. There seems not to be much fun in that!

  8. Bertie Gail is very very x 87 lucky to have such a model dog who is purrfectly behaved and evidently very good a documentation. I suggest Gail mind her p's and q's otherwise you will record and share.
    Hugs Madi(son) D Cat who is not at all as patient at waiting for food as her favorite WFT

    1. Ok so maybe I don't behave quite so perfectly as described here....As YAM-aunty says, "in Gail's dreams.."

  9. Sounds pretty boring to me! Dogs are meant to add interest to your life. If you want a perfectly behaved one, you'd better just buy a stuffed toy.

  10. Bertie our AT&T email keeps going on and off and we get a message saying "our engineers are working on the problem" We have an email in draft waiting to go out eventually.
    Hugs madi and mom

  11. What a boring world it would be IF dogs were like that....we like to stir the pot!

  12. For some reason Mama is giggling and guffawing. I don't know why...we are just as perfect!
    Jakey, Arty & Rosy

  13. Oh no dear Bertie!!!
    That just isn't gonna work and its more fun being the non perfect dogs!!


  14. Totally undesirable. And nearly impossible. Highly unlikely. But (sorta) fun to imagine.

    Good to “see” you Bertie!

  15. Lamp chops in a bag - pretty sure even the most perfect dog in the world would not be able to resist unattended lamp chops. LOL. Perhaps, my bunny sister could resist them because she's a vegetarian, but not me or my feline sister.

  16. Oh Bertie, I BOL at that whole postie!!!! Ma WISHES I would do half of those 'pawfect' things! I, being the Airedale terrierist that I am, do not subscribe to this behaviour though ☺.
    I thinks I should do a similar postie, with all the PAWFECT things I do all day! BOL!
    Ruby ♥
    pees: i hopes you got to lick those lamb chops....heheheee