In future I am thinking of demanding a security detail for outings in Lower Deeside.
What? Do I hear someone saying don't be ridiculous Bertie, the Banchory area is hardly Aleppo.
OK, so I admit you might be looking at these photos taken on a Sunday morning walk up Scolty Hill with Gail and her friend Yvonne, and thinking how lucky I am to live in a tranquil and beautiful (if seldom sunny) corner of the planet.
Well let me tell you, appearances can be very deceptive.
Prepare to be horrified.
TWICE OVER, IN THE COURSE OF AN HOUR, I WAS THREATENED WITH KIDNAP!
First by a pair of runners at the top of the hill. Then later by barista Sophie outside Yvonne's favourite café in Cults.
What's worse, I cannot get Gail to take this perilous situation one little bit seriously.
PS I am delighted to report that my sore paws are so much better, not itchy at all, and so I am back to my bright and bouncy best in time for the Christmas holiday. [Gail adds: fingers crossed that the improvement persists after Bertie's short course of Prednisolone finishes tomorrow.]