Tuesday, 17 June 2014

Bertie WFT, personal trainer, Aberdeen

Do you know what a ‘personal trainer’ does?

When Gail learned that one of her colleagues pays for a ‘personal trainer’ twice a week, apparently she responded that she has one too and his name is Bertie.

Well naturally I did some research, and soon realized that indeed I have excellent credentials in this field, so I am thinking of starting my own business. Of course, I will need to find some clients. My first thought was to bounce up to fat and gullible-looking people in the park and bark at them, but on mature reflection, I have decided an advert would be a better bet.

My first draft is below.  I am targeting the well-to-do middle-aged lady market, in particular a breed sometimes known in Aberdeen as the ‘oil company wife’.  I am hoping that my friends will review the wording of my ad and suggest improvements as they see fit:

Regain your Bounce with Bertie!

Fit young male, in his prime and always ready for action, offers specialist personal fitness training service. 

To include:

Open air sessions (all weathers) involving brisk walking, sprinting and occasional longer runs across rough ground/through dense undergrowth in which the vocal chords will also be exercised and distance vision tested.  

Ball games – you throw it, you fetch it (‘cos I certainly won’t). 

Indoor sessions - in which muscle flexibility will be developed in a variety of interesting ways as I nudge you into unconventional variations on traditional yoga positions (foot licking an optional extra). 

Practical assistance with lowering calorie intake (I eat it so you don’t). 

Blood pressure reduction - I am prepared to curl up on your lap and let you stroke me for as long as it takes. 

Optional extras include advice on confidence building, maintaining enthusiasm and alertness, bouncing lessons.

[Clients interested in water-related activities will be referred to my retriever friend Jake].



  1. Bertie - There'll be a queue forming all the way from Ballater for your services.

  2. I's sure you's gonna get a few takers on dat offer.

  3. I like it mate, and I think there are a lit of people out there who will be very interested in your service. Though I do think your advert will be most effective if left in phone boxes (do they still exist?) or dodgy public toilets.....ahem...

  4. Well Worded Advert if you as us. Wimmen will be LINED UP waiting fur their chance... they'd be Fools not to.

  5. Hari Om
    Bertie... you may have to employ Gail as your body guard on those outings over banks and braes... the heather may have a peculiar effect on oil wives seeking fit young males. For me, blood pressure reduction looks a good option!!! Hugs and wags, YAM-aunty xxx

  6. Now that is the kind of service we like Bertie. Not those darn PT's that take over our park and ruin our benches and hang off our trees. Grrr to them. Have a terrific Tuesday.
    Best wishes Molly

  7. Bertie that sounds terrific I just adore your description you would be such a fun PT and cute too

    retro rover

  8. Brilliant! How could any Oil wife who wishes to stay trim and taut resist your sales pitch??!!

    XXXOOO Bella Roxy & Dui

  9. Oh, if only we didn't have a whole ocean between us! My assistant needs a trainer bad! Though I do like your idea about eating so the client doesn't!


    P.S: Just realized I never got back to you about shipping overseas. I am happy to do it. Email if you are still interested - mrpippip(at)gmail(dot)com. The paperback is also available on amazon.com now.

  10. BOL Bertie! What a brilliant idea. Dat is a pawsome Addy. You're sure to get loads of clients.

  11. Bertie: We like the ad, but would leave out the optional foot licking. If you haven't raised the foot - you might rather not lick it We feel you might offer this as an additional service after you have met and sniffed said clients.

    gus n teka

  12. Mom said you are hired, she will pay you in Greenies :o) And you plan to eat all the calories is great... do you need a pawsonal trainer assistant? I had time :o)

  13. Great post! I credit my dogs with keeping me fit and slim!

  14. That's a grreat ad! I'm sure you'll be swimming in clients before long.

  15. We are sending you our mom
    Lily & Edward

  16. Bertie I fit your desired target group...well I'm not overweight but I am a Cougar Cat aka senior at 12...I especially like the indoor sessions. I'll grab my yoga mat pronto.
    Hugs madi your bfff

  17. Love the concept Bertie and love the advert even more! If you secure any clients particularly interested in football skills, Horatio would be delighted to assist. Although he's still not sharing his sausages with you!

  18. Has Gail read that? My mom is all about me earning my keep but I am not sure she wants me snuggling up to anyone else.

  19. Okay Bertie, you're hired !
    When can we start ?