Bertie WFT, personal trainer, Aberdeen

Do you know what a ‘personal trainer’ does?

When Gail learned that one of her colleagues pays for a ‘personal trainer’ twice a week, apparently she responded that she has one too and his name is Bertie.

Well naturally I did some research, and soon realized that indeed I have excellent credentials in this field, so I am thinking of starting my own business. Of course, I will need to find some clients. My first thought was to bounce up to fat and gullible-looking people in the park and bark at them, but on mature reflection, I have decided an advert would be a better bet.

My first draft is below.  I am targeting the well-to-do middle-aged lady market, in particular a breed sometimes known in Aberdeen as the ‘oil company wife’.  I am hoping that my friends will review the wording of my ad and suggest improvements as they see fit:

Regain your Bounce with Bertie!

Fit young male, in his prime and always ready for action, offers specialist personal fitness training service. 

To include:

Open air sessions (all weathers) involving brisk walking, sprinting and occasional longer runs across rough ground/through dense undergrowth in which the vocal chords will also be exercised and distance vision tested.  

Ball games – you throw it, you fetch it (‘cos I certainly won’t). 

Indoor sessions - in which muscle flexibility will be developed in a variety of interesting ways as I nudge you into unconventional variations on traditional yoga positions (foot licking an optional extra). 

Practical assistance with lowering calorie intake (I eat it so you don’t). 

Blood pressure reduction - I am prepared to curl up on your lap and let you stroke me for as long as it takes. 

Optional extras include advice on confidence building, maintaining enthusiasm and alertness, bouncing lessons.

[Clients interested in water-related activities will be referred to my retriever friend Jake].

COME ON LET'S GET GOING!