Thursday 28 April 2011

Gail has been keeping bad company

I have been sneaking a look at some of the post-holiday emails Gail has been exchanging with her cycling friends in London. 

You won't believe the things they've been saying about me and my blog.

Just two examples:

SELWYN: "I say Woof Woof to Bertie (because in reality it is probably all he will understand)"
CHRISTINE: "I may even deem to have a look at Bertie's blog but.......I will have to consider that carefully, I mean it's a dog!!!"

I can only think that the combination of sunshine, cycling and a steady intake of too much vin rouge fried their brains.

It has certainly fried Gail's.

Yesterday, she had this 'bright idea'. For, yes you've guessed it, a bicyle ride with me!

There is a disused railway line just by the entrance to Duthie Park, a five minute walk from my house.  It's been converted into a bicycle path. Sometimes we go for a walk there, although from my perspective it's all a bit straight and flat and not nearly so much fun as the park itself.

Now can you really imagine that I would happily trot besides Gail as she pedalled along on her old sit-up-and-beg bike?

Let me tell you I did not co-operate. Instead, I came over all 'Hamish' for the afternoon and decided to stop and sniff everything. I absolutely refused to come within twenty yards of Gail when she was sat on that scary black monster.

It is no coincidence that Gail did not once manage to capture me and the bicycle in the same shot...

On the way home, we ran into neighbour Mike, also on his bicycle. He observed my behaviour for a minute and had a little gloat. Mike has two dogs, Bonnie (border terrier) and Jack ('apricot' coloured toy poodle).

You would expect a man who knows his dogs - his wife Kirsty is after all a vet - to be telling Gail what a ridiculous idea, expecting me to keep up with her on a bike ride, would you not?

Instead of which, to my utter horror, I heard him saying,

"Oh yes, I once rode with Bonnie and Jack all the way out to Drumoak*. You have to go on the road for two miles so I stuffed them in my panniers, one on each side, their heads poking out of the flaps. They were fine."

Someone, PLEASE convince Gail that her leg was being pulled....

PS A bit of history: The railway used to be called the Royal Deeside Line, and was projected to run sixty miles inland from Aberdeen to Braemar, just past Balmoral Castle. However, Queen Victoria was afraid her privacy would be disturbed by hordes of tourists so she bought the land around Balmoral to prevent this and the line stopped at Ballater, well short of the originally planned end point. Just thought I'd point this out, this week, in case any friends were getting the impression that a monarchy is always a good thing.....

*Drumoak is about 10 miles away!


  1. Bertie - If God had intended you to go a walk with a bicycle he'd have given you wheels instead of legs .

  2. Can't picture you in a pannier. At least Gail didn't find you at the police station, like she Hamish.

    XXXOOO Daisy, Kendra & Bella

  3. Bertie, we're with you on the big wheeled thing - they are to be avoided at all costs, we've heard muttering here of us running alongside a bike, we don't think so! What a lovely place you live in, we've never been up your way but hope to one day! Dex & Lou

  4. Now Bertie, we don't know Gail's friends. Is it possible they are academic types like Gail? If so they will not be able to speak dog.
    Simple as that so just ignore any offensive remarks they make which appear to be casting doubt on your canine intelligence.
    Now cycling! Ha! Our human got a pull along carriage for Harry, previous basset!
    We never saw this site as Harry sat outraged being towed, very slowly, along!
    Now the male human encountered a small hill on one cycle and considered that towing Harry might speed him on his way to his meet his maker.
    So thankfully this tow along carriage has never appeared for us. As for putting the dogs in the panniers...............that leaves us barkless!
    We trust you are behaving yourself in our absence.
    Much love
    The Aunties xxxx

  5. Hi Bertie, we are trying to look in on all our pals now and again - we do miss you all.
    We are loving the weather although your Auntie Martha is complaining of the heat - you just can't please some dogs!
    Pawsonally I expect she is at 'that age'!

  6. We had images of Gail biking down a country lane with you in the basket, fur flowing in the breeze....

    Lilly, Piper, Carrleigh, Ruairi and The Sweet Babes

  7. Darling we agree with Angus, really how sad they need those things to get around.... Maybe if they had two more legs they could go faster...And about that stuffing you in the side pocket?? You better call me on my cell on how to handle that one... It is very involved.. Love A+A

  8. We hate to say this, but you will find old images of our kind being carried to the hunt in baskets -- panniers. We seem to have been much smaller then, and well suited to what we were apparently bred for.

    For JH or me to fit into a pannier, it would have to be quite large -- and the bicycle would need heavy tires.

    Wirey woofs (yes we understand woof, but also a lot more like hungry? outside? what do you do in front of a door? treats for dogs! calling all dogs to the east gate! -- why just about anything except QUIET! Gail might need some new friends who "get" us canines!)

    Jake and Just Harry

  9. Hi Bertie, Isn't it amazing just how foolish these two leggers are?
    I'm thinkin that you should do one of your scientific posts about just this issue.. you could show some of their more rediculous examples. THEY just crack me up. Totally Clueless they are!!

  10. We second Jake and JH...there is no way Scruffy would fit into a saddle bag on the back of a horse and then tossed into a fox hole....AS IF...

    Um, her friends don't speak DOG? Poorly educated, I'm guessing.

    Hey how in the world did Hamish end up at the police station? Was he jailed?


    Miss Lacie Who Is Having Her Tea in London Right Now

  11. You had one fine day Bertie of course with the exception of Gail and the monster. Looks like a beautiful place to visit. Those sniffs must have been delightful. Sniffing Hamish must have sent you a sign on How To Annoy Gail. BOL
    Benny & Lily

  12. Thank God, our human doesn't ride one of those. It sounds scary!

  13. HeHeHe....Oh's I can just picture you's running wit a bicycle...A sight I'd rather not picture....

  14. Bertie. Since we've established that Gail speaks (and understands) more than "woof woof" with you, we think you've got a good advantage toward resolving this situation. Just think. You probably wouldn't even be making a home with some of her friends. Realizing that you, you are a lucky dog.

    Now. About that bicycle trek. We totally understand. We get just a bit nervous when Moma moves hers from one place in the garage to another. It's like it has a life of its own. We've heard her mumble about one of those trailers that pull along behind it ... but, thankfully, we're pretty sure that'll never be happening. At least for a few more years.

    Good luck
    Jake and Fergs

  15. Bertie, I is outraged on your behalf. Not only by the derogatory comments by Gail's friends. (Becoming an ankle biter does start to sound like a good idea at times huh?) But on the cheek of expecting you to trot amiable alongside a scary bicycle!
    What is you, a dalmatian! I is glad Mum not be sporting type of person at all, but don't give TNP ideas.

  16. I say NO good can come from the 2 wheel machine!! Stay far far away!! I am with ya on this Bertie!!

    Jazzi and Addy

  17. Oh my dog Bewtie
    those so called fwiends of Gail's awe cleawly not vewy bwight. you might be wight about the vin wooge and sun combined wif ovewexcewcising. sheeesh.
    I have to walk on pavement all the time and have always looked on wif a little envy at the bootiful pawks you awe able to use fow youw womps. Just stay stubbown Bewtie..don't budge..walkways awe boowing compawed to youw sweet meadows.
    Tewwiews always win in the end
    smoochie kisses

  18. hey Bertie,

    BOL! You just crack me up! You are so funny! I love how you made it very clear that trotting beside a bicycle is beneath you. Stopping and sniffing everything is exactly what I would have done too!

    As for a basket, well...that actually might be fun. But it depends on the style of the basket. If your human, Gail, gets an awesome looking basket you would be a rock star and the envy of the pups!


    p.s. Gail's friends don't know what they are missing! Dog blogs are where it's at! ;->

  19. Dearest Darling Bertie, your Mom Gail has a bit of a problem. To solve it I believe that you need to sniff out where she is hiding ALL of the bottles of vino from her France trip. Yes this is difficult, but one must take care of their hooman. They know not what they drink! Pop the cork and let the vino flow!

    Then give your Mom a week to come to her senses!

    Have a Great weekend!

    woo woos, Tessa

  20. Hey Bertie Bud...
    I believe I saw a basket on the front of Gail's bike. You'd better get your trotting going soon! If not you might find yourself in that basket with some carefully placed buckle-in straps. I'd rather go with the trotting. You can do it, bud!

  21. Sheesh, Bertie, you don't have to trot beside the bike like a well trained large doggie. You can run all around while Gail huffs & puffs her way along, and with her on a bike, you'll get a much longer outing and cover a lot more interesting territory than she can manage on foot. And if you happen to get tired towards the end of your romp, Gail can carry you home in style in the basket on a cushion. Think of it as your personal terrier coach and Gail as your matched team of four; you can nod at faithful subjects as you pass, if you are so inclined. If you don't find a way to make this work for you, young Bertie, mark our words: Gail will bike anyway and leave you home alone!

    Jed & Abby