Bertie's 2021 Christmas Greetings and Poem

The Bonus Christmas

I am not a miracle, I'll have you know.

I'm very scientifical in fact.

And just because this cancer thing I've got

Is not behaving as vets say it should,

It's all to the good.

But not a miracle. Understood? 

Because a WFT's a complex entity,

His journey can't be easily foretold.

So many interactions and what ifs, 

Combine to unpredictable effect,

And when that means another year of life

Please join with me and celebrate! 

I might be, statistic'ly, 

An outlier in survival terms.

But though it's sometimes difficult to pee

And Gail finds it a bore to wait for me, 

In all other ways, these sweet extra days 

Are, oh I nearly said the word,

A miracle (of sorts).

The dog-human contract

It is part of the dog-human contract, as commonly understood, that whenever our human returns home, from work, social calls or, as we say in Scotland, doing the 'messages', then we dogs are ready to greet them with unlimited effervescent affection. Our role is to make them believe they are the most magnificent individual to ever walk the earth, and that without them our world is not complete.

I like to keep a look-out for Gail, although, unlike my next door neighbour Ruby Briard, I do this quietly. (What's with the constant barking anyway Roobs?)

This way I am ready to spring into action the second Gail crosses the threshold, with tail revved up to maximum wagging velocity and amplitude.

If the thought ever crosses my mind that she is anything other than total perfection incarnate, I keep it to myself.

Unless, that is, she has been been gone a long time out on her bicycle.

In which case she deserves the cold shoulder, and this behaviour on my part should not be considered a breach of contract.

Right?

Hello! Hi there! What ho!

I like to greet folk when I am 'oot an' aboot' and so does Gail.

Whether we're visiting the park, strolling by the river, having fun at the beach or a-roaming in the hills, wherever we are, you'll get a cheery 'hello' from Gail and a friendly sniff and a tail wag from me.

Nothing unusual about this, at least in Scotland, and our salutations are most usually acknowledged and met with one of the following weather-related responses:

"Beautiful weather today!" (Meaning the sun actually shone at some point in the last three hours).
"Nae such a bad day" (i.e. it's not actually raining, although it might be freezing cold with a gale force wind).
"They say it'll be better later in the week"(i.e. no redeeming aspects to current conditions).

It is true that, especially in the early mornings, a percentage of the humans we encounter will be striding along on Planet Headphone, but they are very much in the minority (and of course you don't get this with dogs).

Well all this preamble is by way of explaining how shocked we were to learn that there is currently a campaign exhorting visitors to the South Downs National Park to say hello to one another when they cross paths in this beautiful region of Southern England.

Yes really! See the poster below:

The video which forms part of the campaign is downright weird. Although I must say I did enjoy the bit at around 1 min 56 seconds..



What's odd too is that I'm sure people from that part of the world are nice and don't need lessons in treating each other well. My beloved late Human Grandad came originally from Sussex, and he would never fail to offer a polite 'good day' to a passer by, and if she were a lady, to touch his cap.