Lampard?

Lampard in his prime

It may have escaped your notice that the winner of the Terrier group at Crufts this year was a Skye Terrier (of quite extraordinary appearance) who goes by the faintly improbable name of 'Lampard'.

UK based readers will immediately and correctly have guessed that 'Lampard' is so named out of admiration for the well known Chelsea and England footballer Frank Lampard.

It set me to wondering. If you were to be called after a sporting hero, whom would you chose?

Berti Vogts in his prime...

I would like to take this opportunity to make it quite clear, most emphatically, that there is no connection between my name and that of Berti Vogts, the World Cup winning 1970s German football player who later had an unsuccessful stint as the Scotland team manager.

Gail has still, over two years later, not quite recovered from being stopped in the park by a local ned who, on learning my name, said "Bearrrr-tie? Yer didnae name him efta tha' sh*t Sco'land manager did Yer?"

Things people say in the park

A man whose tough-looking bulldog I am barking at: "I think it's called Small Man Syndrome"

Just about anyone who hasn't experienced me barking at and trying to jump all over their precious pet: "Awwhhhh - isn't he cute"(if English) / "He's an affa bonnie wee doggie"(if Scots).

Soft-headed people often also say: "Such a shame they have to grow up."

A lady who is clearly too myopic to notice my fine long legs: "What is he? A rough-coated Jack Russell?"

A local ned* - pale, spotty, skinny, baseball cap, lurid tracksuit, speech incoherent - presumably on his way to pick up his methadone prescription at the chemist: "Bearrr-tie? Yer didnae name him efta tha' sh*t Sco'land Manager noo did Yer?" (We think he was referring to the former and disastrously unsuccessful Scotland football coach, Berti Vogts).

Lots of people aged fifty and over: "A wire-haired fox terrier? You dinnae see sae many of them aboot the day" and "far's he fae?" (Aberdonian for "where did you get him from?")

The owner of a large German Shepherd who - the dog that is - is uneasily backing away from my persistent friendly overtures: "He's nae feart is he?"

Now my conversation with this handsome Rottweiler/Akita cross is strictly private.

But, Uncle Eric, the one question that so far no-one has asked is "where are his wheels?"

*For those not familiar with modern Scots vernacular, NED = Non Educated Delinquent