Sunday, 7 June 2015

That is NOT a jacuzzi!

Does she think I’m stupid or what?

So, at the end of a walk along the shore of Loch Torridon we are fast approaching our cottage and what do I hear?

“OK Bertie, time for you to jump in the jacuzzi. Won’t that be fun?”

There is so much so wrong with this statement it is hard to know where to begin.

1. That is not a jacuzzi, nor any other sort of a hot tub. It is a Scottish mountain stream in full spate. June temperature circa 8ºC.
2. Anyway, it is never, ever the right time for a hydrophobic fox terrier to jump into any sort of water.
3. If it is really such fun to go splashing about in an icy torrent, then why does Gail not step in and join me?

I wouldn’t mind so much if she just told it like it is:

“OK Bertie, your paws and undercarriage are muddy, as is inevitable at the end of a walk in these parts, because I was mad enough to buy a cottage in a notoriously sodden region of the UK, so I am going to rinse you off in this conveniently situated stream, no matter how cold the water is and how much you object, because I am a lazy, uncaring and selfish human who does not want you traipsing round my precious cottage shedding bits of Highland peat bog here, there and everywhere…”


  1. We got dunked this the laundry tub...that had warm water....BOL!

  2. I think that you have perhaps figured Gail out rather well Bertie. or is that Dr. Bertie, the therapist? 8C would be a bit bracing me thinks!

  3. Crikey Bertie ........ she DOES think you're stupid!!!!! No WFT in there right mind would fall for that one, aye?? What was she thinking? Lazy , uncaring and selfish human being indeed!!!!!!

  4. BOL BOL! I'd jump in it, but ya know I's crazy bout water.

  5. Oh you poor Bertie! I really feel for you. And I am so sorry you have such an awfully mean two-legger that makes up nonsense stories about jacuzzis and such. I do hope though that you got clean!

  6. Hari Om
    No spandling allowed, even at Torridon eh Bertie lad?

    My granny used to do that to us weans before we were allowed back in the hoose after a day on the hill... there was burn through the farm. Even when the air temps are up in the 20s, such water is NEVER warm!!! And let's face it, air temps so far this 'summer' have been a llooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggg way short of double figures... hugs and warmest wags, YAM-aunty xxx

  7. Glad you are on to her tricks. Something tells me that water would be pretty cold!

  8. We think your response is perfect - if she gets in the river with you then may be - but what is a little dirt we ask

  9. Hmm. She seems to be attempting to trick you into a bath. Looks very cold
    Retro rover

  10. Bertie you are wise beyond your years....I can guarantee you this CAT does not do water...the closest I come to a bath is letting mom wipe my eyes with a damp towel...and SOMETIMES...I smack her hand when she tries to do it more than once

  11. We are NEVER surprised by the CRAZYNESS of Peeps.. THIS is so typical of the stuffs they TRY to pull over on us.. Like.... let's have a NICE ROAD TRIP.... when they are really just takin us to the DOGTOR...
    GOOD that you were not fooled by Miss Gail's FOOLISHness.

  12. Bertie - You don't need to be hydrophobic to avoid a Scottish mountains stream in 8C weather. Just sensible.

  13. Humans are just lazy, Bertie. "Jump in the jacuzzi" is much easier for them to say than that long, though much more accurate suggestion you made. Sheesh! Humans!!

    -Ruby and Otto (who will wade and swim in all sorts of mossy disgusting waters, but hates getting hosed off when we get home...)

  14. Oh Bertie, what can we say. Possibly looks like another case for Ernie for Attorney? No worries, and love, Stella and Rory

  15. Humans think we are so under educated, don't they friend???

  16. You gotta tell her that the mud will dry and fall off just fine with no intervention!

    Your Pals,

    Murphy & Stanley

  17. Mom kept threatening to dunk me in a lake yesterday, too, because of MUD. Who cares about muddy undersides?!

    Don't forget, doggy god-son, that we share hydrophobia.


    Stay muddy!
    Tootsie - your doggy god-mother

  18. she CRAZY!!!!
    Wally & Sammy

  19. MOL MOL MOL Bertie a sham is a covering for pillows kinda like a pillow case except the sham is decorative and matches the bedspread. Shams are put in front of the sleeping pillows. Dad says they are a PITT too when it is time to got to bed.
    Hugs madi your bfff

  20. You have been so busy while we have been AWOL. We went to STL because my Aunt Marie died and we stayed for something called a funeral. Did you know that dogs are not allowed at these funeral things. We told our mother that Khyra went to one, bu she was not interested.

    Anyway, we have missed several of your charming posts and we apologize. We blame it on the lack of secretarial help in the US. We are planning to immigrate to the UK. Would your Gail not like to have a matched set of Wire Fox Terriers.

    Best to all

  21. The nerve! The least she could do is give you a hot bath and rubdown if you MUST be cleaned.

  22. Just tell her....that you werent born yesterday!!


  23. A cold mountain stream and a handsome fox terrier why you could be in a commercial for something like ice water. Tell Gail after you make your millions you will jump in.
    Thanks for being a friend
    Sweet William The Scot