Doggy Doric - small talk in the park

Mornin' Walter. Fit like?

Och, chavving awa Bertie. Fit aboot yersel'?

Fair wabbit the day.

So fit hiv ye bin up tae Bertie?

Dinna clipe tae Gail, bit fan she wis oot on her bicycle yisterday ah gid oot an chased aifter a tod, and that wis me richt puggled. 

Bertie, yer a gey ill-trickit dug!  Onyway, guid tae hiv a wee blether.  I'm awa tae ma hame the noo.

Doric (NE Scots dialect) to English Translation 

Good morning Walter, how are you today? Oh, getting along just fine Bertie, and you? I'm feeling a bit under the weather. So what have you been up to Bertie? Don't tell tales to Gail, but when she was out on her bicycle yesterday, I sneaked out and chased a fox, and as a result I'm quite exhausted. Bertie, you're a very mischievous dog. Anyway, good to have a quick chat. I'm going home now. 

Gail says: Please note that Bertie's tale about chasing a fox was pure fantasy, invented to impress his Labrador friend. Typical male behaviour in any language, one might say...

Friday morning encounters in the Park

So first we had a cheery wave and a "hello Gail and Bertie" as Simon, one of Gail's former colleagues, zoomed past at the helm of a tandem.

Simon now works at Shell, whose offices are a couple of miles up the hill on the other side of the river, and he rides to work with a blind fellow employee on the back of the tandem, and has been doing this for many years. I guess even I, Bertie, would have to approve of this use of a bicycle.

Of course Gail was too slow with the camera to get a picture before they had shot off beyond the park gates.

Next we ran into a couple of community support wardens.

I want to report that I stopped them in their tracks, so struck were they by my extreme handsomeness. I do not agree with Gail's theory that they paused to chat because they were bored and in need of diversion.

The conversation went thus:

Female warden: "Och he's affa bonnie."
Male warden: "Fit's his breed? It's a schnauzer, no?"
Female warden: "He's nae a schauzer, he's an Airedale, ken?"
Male warden: "Och, I hivnae a clue. But I love coming tae the park and seeing a' the different kinds o' dogs."
Gail : "Well in fact this one's a wire-haired fox terrier. Sort of similar in shape to a schnauzer or an Airedale, but different colours". Then, changing the subject, "Is this a routine patrol or has there been a problem?"
Male warden: "We're just here deein' a wa'kaboot, tae mak sure a' the responsible dog owners are being responsible, ken?"
Gail: "Most of the folk who walk their dogs in this park seem OK I think."
Female warden: "Aye, there's nae many pit bulls in these pairts."
Gail: "No indeed. Oh well, best be on our way. Bertie, that's enough ear rubs for now. Have a good day."

Can one ever have enough ear rubs?

What I do (and don't) like about agility class

The Fun Bits

The look of bafflement on Gail's face when she tries to decipher instructor Gordon, who combines Doric dialect with indistinct diction further muffled by a great big shaggy beard. Whereas he just needs to wave his arm and I can tell right away what he wants.

The fact that if I bark when one of my class mates is 'performing' Gail will always pick me up, looking all panicky and anxious, and give me a cuddle.

Obviously, the fact that it is a whole hour of undivided attention and a constant stream of treats.

So far, Gail is too intimidated by Gordon to take along her camera, so there's been none of that tedious "pose nicely now Bertie" stuff going on.

It's the humans not the dogs that get told off! (I don't think Gordon was too impressed when Gail tried to explain that we hadn't been practicing 'stays' outside because it has been raining here continuously for over a fortnight. Real tough NE Scots are not supposed to notice the bad weather apparently).

The tunnel. Sometimes you can find treats in there that other dogs have left behind, if you search for long enough...

Watching labrador Tilly amble round the course in a 'totally can't be arsed' fashion.



The Not So Fun Bits

I don't like the way Gail is always saying admiring things about class swot goodie two shoes border collie Maisie ...

At puppy class we always started with socialisation and I got to jump all over Daisy Dachshund. It was the best bit by far. No such opportunities this time.

Creative interpretations of the route one is supposed to take over the obstacles are frowned on. Were I to take up ice-skating, dancing not figures would be my métier. (Why is that a ludicrous thought, Gail?)

All the other dogs arrive in great big 4WD's and look down with disdain on our little Mini.

And it's so humiliating when Gordon lowers the jumps a notch or two when my turn comes round. And unnecessary. I mean, we all know I have springs in my legs!

The truth can be so hurtful...

Overheard. Gail. On the phone yesterday.

"Hello. Is that Gordon?  Hi. About the agility class.  You said after you saw Bertie last week that I could bring him along this Saturday morning. Is that still OK?"

"Yes we'll be meeting at midday.  Can you make it then?"

"Yes I can make it at 12 noon, no problem. Will there be other dogs?"

"There's the labrador I told you about. And I've another couple coming too with their one year old collie".

"A one year old, just like Bertie then?"

"No, not like Bertie. This one knows what he's doing".


(Actually what he said was "This een kens fit he's deen" but I don't expect my readers to comprehend the Doric dialect...)