Swap me for a German Shepherd?

So this strange man forced his way through the back door last night, and into our kitchen. He seemed friendly, patted me on the head, gave me a yummy treat and told me to be a quiet pup and not to disturb anyone. I followed him into the study and watched him put Gail's MacBook into a big bag, along with her purse.

Gail has lately been complaining about how the computer is now slower than an abacus, so I guessed that this chappie had come to take it away for repairs. Although I did (silently) wonder why he had arrived at three in the morning and why he would take her purse too...

After he left, I settled down on the sofa - so much more comfortable than the cushion on the kitchen floor - and happily went back to sleep until Gail came downstairs at about seven o'clock, all red in the face (her, not me), and asked me what kind of a guard dog was I, didn't I realise that we'd been burgled and how would I like to be exchanged for a German Shepherd?

Well what to do to calm her down?

I gave her my cutest look and licked her hand, and after a few moments she said "Oh well Bertie, at least I still have the most precious thing in this house" and gave me a hug.

PS from Gail: there will be a blogging hiatus while I sort out a new computer. Meanwhile, I never imagined I'd be asking for readers' tips on how to get my wire haired fox terrier to bark a bit more...