Monday 28 January 2013

Pip's Tour reaches Scotland with mixed results...

Fàilte gu Alba Pip! Welcome to Scotland. Yes I'm Bertie. Oh I am so thrilled that you and your partner in crime travelling companion, the notorious Puddles, have made it all the way from the USA on your 'Bucket Tour'. I have just about bounced my hind legs off in excited anticipation. OK, let's go out. Which hill do you want to climb this afternoon? Beinn Alligin perhaps? Or Mount Keen? Clachnaben? Liathach? Morvern?

Er, Bertie, it's great to see you my wiry friend, but just hang on a minute. Haven't you noticed the horizontal rain lashing the windows of your solid granite home? Can you not hear the icy wind roaring in from the  North Sea. And anyway it is barely light. I think we should at least wait until the sun is up. I have to say I am disappointed by the weather. It usually looks so sunny on your blog. And remember, I am not too well. Perhaps we could stay inside in the warm and dry?

Pip dearest Pip, I'm afraid you need to learn a few home truths about Scotland. Too many of you pups in the US have a rose-tinted view of our country. One that, in my ongoing campaign to win a contract with the Scottish Tourist Board, I am occasionally guilty of playing up to.

Oh. So. Are you telling me this weather is quite normal for January? 

Er, well, yes, I suppose I am. And frankly it is often not much better in July. At least there is no danger of being eaten alive by midges at this time of year. As for daylight, well I hate to break it to you, I know you will be jet-lagged and doubtless confused about timing, but it is now midday and this is as light as it is going to get.

Look Bertie, tell you what, let's forget about going for a walk anyway. Puddles and I have brought along supplies. We are ready to party.

What on earth is all that?

Food Bertie. Good ole American food.

Are you quite sure? No wonder you have not been feeling tip top lately Pip. I think you need some proper healthy Scottish nutrition. Gail, bring on the Irn Bru (made from steel girders) and the deep fried macaroni pie. With an extra helping of chips. That's french fries in your language of course. 

Thank you Bertie, that looks, um, nice... But perhaps you could possibly also serve up a crisp fresh salad? 

Oh I have been warned about you Americans. So polite but also so demanding. Why not just wait for the chips to go cold? In Scotland, we call that salad. 

Puddles? Who are we visiting next? I think it must be time to be going... 

No no Pip, please don't go! Pip, Puddles, I am so sorry. Tact is not always my strong point. I see your glasses are empty. You cannot possibly leave without at least sampling one more Scottish delicacy. Now which is your preferred whisky? Do you like an Islay malt or one from Speyside? In my opinion the island whiskies taste of seaweed, but each to his own. In this house, we're particularly partial to a Highland Park (which was also my predecessor Hamish's favourite tipple).

Pip, let me pour you a wee dram.

Now you're talking Bertie. Yes and I see you have quite a selection there. 

I think we need to sample them all. Puddles where's your glass? This promises to be a long night.

(Sigh) I'm telling you it's still daytime....


  1. Bertie, my friend. I am pretty sure this post about Pip's tour is going to land you that coveted spot on the Tourist Bureau :) Hope to come visit you myself sometime soon!

  2. Bertie, I'll submit a business case to the CEO this very morning. What an opportunity! We don't target the overseas canine market yet but this idea clearly has legs to it.... Just need to sort the doggie visa issue with mr Salmond and you'll be having loads more parties in the future.

  3. If they start on that lot....this may be the end of the Bucket List!

    XXXOOO Daisy, Bella & Roxy

    We were expecting you to get out the dreaded Green Tank and perhaps give them haggis in honour of Rabbie Burns.

  4. You are really asking for trouble giving Puddles whisky..... And what happened to the deep fried Mars bars? Deccy x

  5. Pawsome Bertie. Yikes don't get Puddles on the whisky? Have a marvelous Monday.
    Best wishes Molly

  6. What a nice trip you had, and a warming whiskey too Pip is so lucky

    urban hounds

  7. chomp, chomp, chomp ...this fried macaroni pie and chips are pretty good about some more ...chomp, chomp, chomp ...yeah, I could get used to that. And who needs salad, I am no rabbit!

    But about the whisky, please pour me some ...but well, International Customs made me take an oath that I would not allow Puddles to have any ...oh what the heck, one little glass wouldn't hurt, right?

  8. Now Bertie, I come from a place called "The Windy City". We may not have beautiful mountains, green meadows, or magical mist, but I do know a thing or two about horizontal rain and cold temps - I say bring it on, let's go for a hike ...

  9. (struggling to walk against fierce wind) on second thought, is there anymore of that macaroni pie and how about a little more of the drink's making my tummy feel all warm and fuzzy. Bawhahahhahaa ...oh yeah, that's more like it.

  10. I can't pronounce half of da places...or even most of da foods but dog gone dis whiskey is smooth...and most delish and it's keepin' me all nice and warm too. I does likes to be warm.

    I just loves how Pip be blamin' da wind fur him not bein' ables to walk...pssst, Bertie, between us I thinks it was dat alkihol cupboard....hehehehehe.


  11. On second thought...I can't walk eithers...maybe we ought to just go back to your place and rest.

    PIP...can we gets dat alkihol cupboard in our suitcase? Oh and dat mac and cheese stuffs?


  12. MOL MOL MOL Bertie!!! WTG Good Buddy
    We learned a lot about your country.
    The best thing we learned was no matter if it is sunny, dark, rainy, or cold....when we visit you we have your warm personality, excellent hospitality, and lots of hot food and tummy warming spirits to keep us happy!!!
    Well done HEY PIP and PUDDLES wake up I see you two asleep under that couch!!!
    Hugs madi your BFFF

  13. What a fabulous tour you gave Pip and Puddles! They sure seemed to enjoy that macaroni pie and your liquid libations.

    You and Gail were excellent hosts Bertie! Your kindness will be remembered for a long time to come.

    Lily Belle & Muffin

  14. Ah - nothing like a little nip of something to ward off the cold!

  15. Bertie...It's so nice to meet you and it looks like you showed Pip & Puddles a great time. Fried mac and cheese! Yum!

  16. PIP and Puddles get some learning about Scotland. (OK I did too). That is quiet the liqueur cabinet. I's be surprised if anything is left by the time they leave. Even in the winter and snow and cold I bet they had a grand time. And it seems you have kept them out of any mischief. Well done.

  17. Did you say fried macaroni pie??? Momma and I are drooling! We'll come visit you and have LOTS of fun. Momma's been to Scotland before and says it's beeYOUtiful even if it's cold and wet.

  18. OMD BERTIE what are you thinking??? Puddles on WHISKEY Pip on Carbs and Whiskey Combo?? You are just begging fur trouble.
    Next they will be wanting to check under your Kilt..
    You had better LOCK that Liquor Cabinet and Swallow the KEY.
    Give them a nice plate of Haggis and HOPE they sober up.

  19. Deep fried macaroni pie and french fries, no wonder you get out and walk alot. Artery clogging food. Wonderful time you showed Pip and Puddles.
    Thanks for being a friend
    Sweet William The Scot

  20. Me tinks Pip and Puddles had a great time at your house! Hope you don't let dem drive. Scotland will never be da same! And what is a midgie and why would it want to eat me?

  21. Oh yah, it is gonna be a long day/night!! Pip and PUddles in Whiskey, Oh no!!! BOL

    jazzi and addi

  22. Oh Bertie you are the hostess with the mostest
    Have a fun day
    Benny & Lily

  23. I don't know what a midgie is either, but let's find out. Here midgie, midgie ...come out, come out wherever you are, little midgie...

    1. Pip, please read this before encouraging the midgies...

  24. Oh, Bertie.
    Today, this was quite an ordinary post for me! Hahaha! Isn't it funny reading all the American reactions?!
    I don't really go for country walks because my folks are over 80, so if it had been me doing this post, there would be no mountain walks but parks and busy roads! (Mainly featuring Union Terrace gardens, my second home)
    Pip :)

  25. Irn Bru . Bertie - you're making me homesick.

  26. How exciting! Pip and Puddles will never be the same after that fun!

  27. Frankie is too funny. Look under Puddles kilt. That I doubt. And we hope Puddles didn't do a lot of driving around there. That is really pretty country even with the snow. Pip, you are really getting to see the world. Take care.

  28. Glad you guys reach a compromise

    Stop on by for a visit

  29. Hey there Bertie! I'm sure glads you are takin' good care of the World Travelers. Sorry abouts the lighting situation, dude. It is almost always sunny here in California, you should have a visit sometime and soak up some warm sun! Anyhu, I hope you took away the keys from Puddles before you opened the liquor cabinet! That little Doxie can really put em' away! And, I hear, that when she drinks the 'hard stuff' she gets all gassy, so watch out!

  30. It is nice to meet you. we look forward to following your adventures in Scotland, assuming you survive Pip's visit! Hailey and Zaphod

  31. Bonjour Bertie! It looks as though you will all have a nice visit inside...visiting all those bottles! :p Scotland looks beautiful! And no RAIN...that's what we have in Vancouver, Canada right now :)

    the critters in the cottage xo

  32. Hey Bertie & Pip!
    Wow, what a great bucket visit! Pip, I really think you should pack in one nice walkie in that gorgeous scenery before you leave. It's so very pretty! Rain is okay, it'll dry and you won't need a bath for awhile! BOL
    BTW: That macaroni pie dish sounds great.
    Grr and Woof,
    Sarge, COP

  33. What better food to feed a guy with some health problems than fried mac and cheese, fried spuds and single malt whiskey. I hope you brought a little PeptoBiz from home, Pip!
    I hope you find your way home but right now it sounds like you are most fond of Scotland!


    Jo, Stella and Zkhat

  34. We need to pay you a visit, Bertie... Macaroni Pie, Chips and Whisky. Of course, all that hiking burns those extra calories and all dogs look good in plaid!

    Wyatt and Stanzie

  35. OMD Pip and Puddles, you are having such an incredible journey. Bertie, what a wonderful tour. The food looks incredible. I hope I can visit you some day. I do hope Puddles and Pip had no problem boarding the plane after all that whiskey.

    Loveys Sasha

  36. What lovely mountains you have. We love mountains, it is very flat where we live.

  37. Dood, mama sez you are SOOOO right about those midgies! Our mommas peeps came from Ayrshire and from Edinburgh a-waaaay back. So glad you showed Pip & Puddles a good time! Pass the Macaroni pie!

  38. Bertie you are a great hostess. And we loved the pictures of your beautiful and cold and windy home. I think I would love it there.

    My Vickie says that is on the top of her Bucket List, well second to the top. First she is going to Alaska, then coming your way.


  39. Bertie! DOOD! Your human is a scientist TOO?!?
    Mowzers do we have a lot to talk about!

    For starters, do you realise that we VERY narrowly escaped being named after particles? Maxwell was going to be Lepton and Faraday would have been Tachyon. Mother absolutely REFUSED to own a cat with the nickname of "Tacky" so they very wisely chose to name us after those famous guys who were behind the Electromagnetic Waves Field Theory!!

    Nice to MEET you!!

  40. Wow! Good times with P&P!! THat macaroni pie looks awesome!!!

  41. Pip and Puddles bring parties everyplace they go. I hope that you've recovered, Bertie!

  42. I'd like a wee dram myself. :)

    Marvelous adventure!


  43. Oh dear. We think we hear OurMoma making plans for a future trip. What a GREAT time you all had! We're a bit jelly.

    Jake and Fergi (who are totally encouraging OurMoma)