Wednesday, 12 November 2014

Pet grooming versus nuclear fusion

Bouncing Bertie Boffin here!

Gosh you learn can some interesting things watching the telly can't you?

Now you might think from this wee video clip that I was not paying attention last week while Gail was entranced by her hero Brian Cox pontificating about science, energy resources and the future of mankind.

But can bet your bottom dollar that my flappy little ears pricked up when I heard Professor Cox assert the following:

"Americans spend ten times more money a year on pet grooming than they do on nuclear fusion."

I think some criticism was implied.

Well my friends, what to make of this?

As we know, an explosive release of energy can sometimes result if a muddy dog is confronted with a tub of warm water and a bottle of shampoo.

However is a settled fact in the Bertie and Gail household that very little money is spent on pet grooming. It costs nothing to rinse a pup in the River Dee after all.

But before Gail starts to look any sort of smug, I ask her just how much of her hard earned cash went on nuclear fusion over the past twelve months.

This elicits a rambling response about paying taxes and government funded scientific research, blah blah, blah, all of which amounts to an admission that the hairbrush she purchased from Pets at Home back in February might have cost more than any indirect contribution she's made to solving the world energy crisis.

Fellow pups, I am wondering if we might start a campaign. Next time your owner threatens you with a 'spa day', why not suggest instead they put their pennies in an envelope and send them off to their nearest nuclear fusion laboratory…?

How else will we secure a carbon-free energy future?


  1. I guess we don't we don't fit the average American cause the only spa day we get it is at home - simple because Mom doesn't trust those pet grooming places

  2. Well, we get groomed at home....but that does take electricity and water. We think a dunk in the river is fine, too. SHE just needs to park closer to the river so we don't pick up all that dirt.

    Sometimes SHE watches Brian Cox but doesn't actually get the message as his dulcet tones and good looks are so soothing.

  3. Hari OM
    Oh yes, I was watching admiringly also... and like your good self, Bertie lad, found this a strange statistic to chuck at us!!! With your permission, I include THIS LINK for anyone wanting to clarify why we would support fusion even if we are against fission. Yourself and Gail might also enjoy THIS NEWS. Mixed feelings this side; magnificent structure, but still with the fossil fuels...... Yours in pursuit of energy efficiency, hugs and wags, YAM-aunty xxx

  4. LOL Bertie we think you are on to something there pal. I'll gladly suggest she sends pennies anywhere but to the groomers. Have a Wonderful Wednesday.
    Best wishes Molly

  5. Mol mol mol Bertie around these parts when someone is thinking really hard they have to chew the fat with a good buddy...and I can tell you are chewing the fat (talking things over) with your stuffie. After all you are Director of Science. Good buddy don't peeps spend no money on pet grooming or nuclear fusion.
    Hugs madi your bfff

  6. LOL Bertie! My assistant has been known to try her own version of a spa day on me (and Pip) and let me tell you it's not pretty. I end up looking like one of those bad fashion videos they show on TV or in magazines ...what not to wear, bad haircuts gone wild, etc. Not pretty, not pretty at all.

  7. I'm in. Who needs a groomer... I groom myself with spit and some dirt :o) ... and now my mom gets the greedy look in her eyes... she thinks I will give her the spa-pennies for new shoes..but not a bit of it...

  8. We are not FANS of the Baffs thingys... so we would rather our peeps spend $$$$$ on Snacks and Toys.

  9. Probably because pet grooming is more interesting than fusion stuff
    Lily & Edward

  10. My dogs whole-heartedly agree! More nuclear fusion, less grooming!

  11. This is an impawtent message. Too bad we didn't see it before our spa day yesterday!

    Your Pals,

    Murphy & Stanley

  12. Thats perfect....please donate to Fusion and leave us alone!

    The Mad Scots

  13. We think that is a wonderful idea Bertie...and given that my Mama spends WAY too many green papers on grooming we are thinking that we will have nuclear fusion very soon!
    Dory, Jakey, Arty & Bilbo

  14. Bertie another brilliant idea for sure! But really why did have to use the example of pet grooming. What about the mone yspent on I-Phone updates or polluting cars, why take it out on pets! (Though of course we are paws down on grooming hear too)

    retro rover

  15. OK Bertie, It's me Taffy. As I am a wise gentleman with 14 years experience of life may I point out just one thing here.
    You are wrong!
    While it may be a commendable thing to send pennies and pounds to help with nuclear fusion..... (nuclear explosions have been mastered in this house, just thought I would throw that in as I am sure you wanted to know).....

    My idea of fusion is the joining up of treats and biscuits in my tummy. Pennies being sent away is just madness, they do need to go in your treat jar. OK?

    Spa Days are just that.... A Day. Treat days are every day!!!


  16. I fully squeal in delight (though I am lucky enough to escape a spa and get to enjoy misery in my home eek). This is certainly a wonderful idea though!

  17. Wow, some doggie is getting double or triple grooming to make up for the grooming we don't get [thank Dog]. Mostly we get 'hand brushing', also known as petting. We're lucky that if mama compares us to her past Danes, she keeps it to herself and doesn't bore us with clearly invalid comparisons. Except when she occasionally points out that Jed's medical bills exceed those of her last 6 Danes together. Jed quite logically takes this to mean he's worth 6 Great Danes any day.