AM I NORMAL? (an elderly male grooming issue)

Friends, and terriers especially, I have a rather personal question to ask today about grooming in one's 'senior' years.

I think you already know that I am a 'home-styled' dog. One might have hoped, given how my owner Gail started hand-stripping and clipping me when I was a pup, that after nearly a decade she would have developed the skills to give me a more professionally groomed look.

No such luck there, but that's not what I want to talk about today.

You see, the fact is, as I get older, I have become more attached to my furs. Or rather, they have become more attached to me, thus the hand-stripping process is now uncomfortable. The furs also grow in greater profusion.

Now my predecessor Hamish the Westie always had a paid-for hair cut, and so Gail is really not experienced in these matters. However, she said this to me the other day, when I was attempting to bite the stripping knife, or even better Gail's hand: "But Bertie, I thought that in older males, the hair normally thinned and fell out more easily".

Not for the first time, Gail was confusing me with her own species.

So my question really is, am I normal? Are there other pups out there whose furs have become thicker, more abundant, and more 'attached' with age?

Getting spiffed up for Granny!

Perhaps some of my readers are unaware that I am on a regular basis subjected to a quite onerous grooming regime?

You might be thinking, "Oh that Bertie, he sports the natural look; none of your fancy-schmancy poodle parlour business for him".

Well, it is indeed true that the concept of a 'spa day' is alien to both human and canine occupants of this household, and that my fur-do is not the result of the professional attention.

But make no mistake, just as it can take a long time for a certain type of human (usually female) to create the impression she is wearing no make-up, and some human males go to very great pains to cultivate a not-shaved-for-four-days look, it also follows that my 'rough and ready' appearance is underpinned by considerable and ongoing efforts.

Early in my puppyhood, Gail took the decision that she was perfectly capable of teaching herself - with the help of a demo from my breeder and the occasional YouTube video - how to groom a wire-haired fox terrier.

And that has been the pattern of things for the last seven years.

So the furs on my back, neck and haunches are hand-stripped by Gail - a matter which I tolerate if given a tasty enough long-lasting chew to distract me from the mild discomfort involved. Scissors are used for my underside, face and ears, and my legs are pretty much left alone...

Thing is, because Gail generally adopts a 'little and often' approach to the hand stripping business, it tends to go unnoticed - and, we feel, unappreciated - by the world at large.

Well I would like to point out that on Friday morning I was stripped and clipped for as long as my patience and Gail's mildly arthritic thumbs would allow.

The timing might have something to do with the fact that I'm going to visit Human Granny for a few days later this week, and she always complains if she can't see my eyes.

Anyway, I like to think I was looking pretty spiffy for my Saturday afternoon walk in the woods, and I'm optimistic about catching the attention of (treat-bearing) admirers on the train to Nottingham on Thursday.

Not the dog I was a week ago...

Do you remember me telling you back in January about how this winter I was the subject of a very important scientific experiment relating to my furs?

Instead of the normal 'little and often' hand stripping of my wiry hair, which is Gail's usual practice, this year she decided to leave my coat untouched all winter (other than a trim round the eyes now and then) to test the theory that come Spring the furs would be so loosely attached that the dreaded stripping process would be painless both for me and for Gail's increasingly arthritic thumbs.

As you know, I live in Northern Scotland, and if you are thinking that early March is these parts scarcely counts as Spring, well you would be perfectly right about that.

Ignoring this important fact, Gail set too with the stripping knife on Saturday. It was five whole months since I was last stripped and, well, I guess she kind of got carried away...



As I munched my way through two pig's ears and one medium sized  Pedigree Jumbone, a whole 6 oz of furs were detached from my person.

After another session on Sunday morning, I was most thankful when Gail finally called a halt, having spotted a couple of bare patches on my saddle. (The black furs are thinner than the white, and always come away more easily).

The brilliant news is that my paws are feeling ever so much better, and to celebrate this, as well as the completion of my mammoth grooming session, on Sunday afternoon I was taken on a 'proper' walk, my first in ages, up Scolty Hill.

Gosh it was nice to have a real leg stretch, although, given my sudden loss of insulation, I was a mighty relieved that the storm clouds gathering in the west passed us by.

PS Gail says we are not going to repeat the experiment next winter, having learned that when my coat gets longer and thicker it is much more effort to brush, collects more dirt, and when damp smells more 'doggy' (although I fail to see how that last point is a Bad Thing)..

A Prize! (Thank You Wyatt and Tegan)

It may have slipped under your radar that last month I was joint winner of the 'Traveling with Terriers' competition run by my terrierific friends Wyatt and Tegan.

Well of course, the glory of winning (along with friends Christmas and Kinley) would have been sufficient reward. So the fact that, waiting for me in the hallway when I returned from Nottingham a couple of weeks ago, was a package from Wyatt and Tegan, was a most wonderful bonus.

And look what was in the package!


Really, next year there will be no need for Gail to spend ages decorating the Christmas tree. This stunning wee fellow will render all other ornaments quite superfluous, don't you think?

Oh and that's not all. For sure I now possess the coolest collar in the whole of Scotland (possibly Europe), courtesy of my Oregon friends' trip to the Southwest. Eat your heart out, all you tartan-wearing teuchter pups!

And a HUGE thank you to Wyatt and Tegan (and their humans).


It has to be said, that due to the ongoing 'no fur stripping in winter' experiment, this splendid neckwear gets a little buried in what Gail now refers to as my 'ruff'.


But by the way, for the record, I was glad of my super-thick winter coat when out on a chilly beach walk at the weekend. Gail has insisted I post the photo below to reassure our friend Madi that my tail is still very much visible, if gaining a more husky-like appearance by the day!

Grooming routine and the Pee vs N-Pee problem

Today I am going to tell you about my grooming routine.

I know some of my friends go for fancy 'spa days' to get all primped and primed, but that's not how it is for me.

Every month or so, on a Friday morning (Gail's day off) I am placed in front of the prehistoric electric fire and given a long-lasting chew. Then Gail removes my collar, fetches the stripping tool, and, starting with my neck and ears, the grooming session begins.

There is not much conversation (Gail never asks where I am going for my holidays) and so we listen to Desert Island Discs or, if the guest on that programme is being boring or irritating, a podcast from BBC Radio 4, often something to do with science. Last week I learned all about the P versus NP problem on 'In Our Time' and gosh it was very interesting. I think I understood it right. Suppose you wanted to go round the park and pee on every tree just once in the shortest possible time, then you might be surprised to learn that working out the optimum route is not in fact a Pee problem, rather it is an N-Pee problem, for which mathematicians and computer scientists have yet to find a ready solution. Although the answer, if ever found, would be easy to check. Apparently.

Do I digress?

So as I was saying, Gail starts with my top end, then strips my tail, then my back and haunches. (I may be onto my second chew by then). If I get restive, she switches her attention back to my neck and ears again, which feels quite nice - a bit like a massage I suppose.

ON ABSOLUTELY NO ACCOUNT will I countenance my belly, private parts, legs and face being stripped, and these are dealt with using pinking scissors, or, where more precision is required, nail scissors. Often this part is done later in the day when I am getting a bit sleepy.

There is also quite often a follow-up session the next day, to tidy the parts that Gail missed first time round. Thankfully this doesn't usually take too long.

Gail claims she rather enjoys the whole process, despite what are, frankly, sub-Crufts standard results.

(I think there is still work to do on my ears.)

A work in progress...

 What do you mean only half done?

OK so I know we're meeting my WFT pal Horatio near Ballater on Sunday but do you really think he's the type to be impressed by a smart furdo? 

And by the way, haven't you seen the weather forecast?

PS: Gail's Big Boss has not responded to my letter. Hmmm. Time to phone Ernie….

Male grooming - rocking the natural look

One of Gail's favourite Dolly Parton quotes (and yes I too was surprised that Gail knows any Dolly Parton quotes) goes something like this. "People have no idea how much it costs to look this cheap".

A related thought flitted across my mind at some point during my second hour on the grooming table (aka the table in our lean-to sun room) last Saturday morning.

As readers of this blog will have already worked out, I prefer to rock the natural look, in keeping with my rugged, outdoorsy, he-dog image. None of the fluffed up legs and closely stripped body, face and ears, wire haired fox terrier show-dog style for me, thank you very much.

But I'll let you into a wee secret.

I really do think it takes Gail longer to keep my appearance  'natural' than were she preparing me for Crufts.

I have complained before on this blog about being subjected to a DIY grooming regime. Although I cannot pretend to be happy about it, I have reluctantly accepted that this is how it's going to be, for now at least.

It just seems really unfair that I get the blame for the stripping and clipping business taking, like forever, when it's clear that the problem lies with the amateur groomer and not the groomee, and Gail's charge that I do too much "wriggling and mouthing" is about as outrageous as, well, as one of Ms Parton's outfits.


PS for readers in the UK - please DO rush out and buy a copy of the current (i.e. October) issue of Dogs Monthly magazine - it features an article Gail wrote for them ages ago about the joys of dog blogging. I am so thrilled finally to be famous, especially as I have been promised a special treat once she receives the modest fee.