Bertie's Election Forecast

THE SNP* VOTE WILL BE HIGH! 

*Scottish National Party

A question about a pet passport

To: Alex Salmond, The First Minister of Scotland and leader of the Scottish National Party.

26th May 2014


Dear Mr Salmond,

PET PASSPORTS MATTER!

First of all, I want to apologise for making cheap jokes about your name, your physique and your horse-riding ability, in my post a short while back. On reflection, my owner Gail had a point, I was guilty of being trivial.

Well today, Mr Salmond, I want to address a genuinely important issue.

I am sure you will agree that one of the things that has made Scotland great is that so many of our intrepid and adventurous citizens have performed with distinction on the world stage.

I am thinking of David Livingstone, John Muir, Andrew Carnegie, Thomas Glover, to name but a few.

Oh I too would so love to travel, to visit my friends beyond these island shores, and to show the world what Scots born creatures can accomplish. (One can only go so far with an internationally renowned blog).

I am imagining a tour of continental Europe, for starters.

Can you believe that I do not yet possess a passport? I know for a fact that my predecessor Hamish the Westie had one, as I remember overhearing Gail tell a friend that it had cost a small fortune and never was used.

Well surely nobody will dispute that I am worth it, but there is another complication - one that I hope you can address.

So please, Mr Salmond, can you tell me what will happen if I go to the vets and obtain a British passport and then, in September, the human citizens of Scotland vote for independence?

Will my British pet passport still be valid? Will I need a Scottish passport and have to show it at the border when we visit Human Granny in England? Will I still be entitled to a British passport on the grounds that my owner was born and bred in England? How much will it all cost?

I have searched long and hard through the Scottish National Party's policy documents, but found nothing, absolutely nothing, about the crucial issue of travel documentation for dogs.

I would like to think that, even as I type (or rather, dictate to my human assistant) you will have a phalanx of dedicated policy wonks addressing this gaping hole in your supposedly comprehensive 'White Paper' on Scotland's future. I have to tell you that Gail feels less confident of this, saying, somewhat uncharitably, that there are many other glaring gaps in the SNP vision of Scottish Independence that do not appear to have been properly thought through...

Mr Salmond, I am a terrier, hard-wired to be independent minded but also trusting.

I am sure that you can give me the answers to all my questions and that they will be satisfactory.

I await your reply with eager anticipation.

Yours sincerely,

Bouncing Bertie (wire-haired fox terrier),
Aberdeen,
Scotland.

PS I know you are a busy chap, but perhaps you would enjoy a break and a wee peek at some photos of my recent weekend in Torridon.

Something fishy about Scotland's future?

Can one trust the statements of a party led by two piscine politicians?

Alex SALMONd (leader of the Scottish Nationalist Party)

Nicola STURGEON (deputy leader of the SNP)


Whereas you have to love a campaign called Better Together and led by a man with the name Alistair DARLING. After all, there's nothing wrong with having some white furs and some black ones.

I, Bertie, am coming to the conclusion that Scotland is BETTER TOGETHER with the rest of the UK.

And I think our First Minister Mr Salmond needs to be PUTIN his place. Give that man a ticket Moscow.

PS: Whilst Gail agrees with my sentiments, she is worried that I am trivialising the issue. But do my friends really want to read more about sterling currency union, EU membership, bank debt and rapidly (and inexorably) declining North Sea oil revenues….?

Our Churchillian leader...

(Repeat of Thursday's post, which Blogger seems to have lost)

Elections to the Scottish Parliament last week resulted in a landslide victory for the Scottish Nationalist party under the supposedly charismatic leadership of one Mr Alex Salmond.

Yes I know. You won’t be interested in some smarmy politician, however successful, unless I can dig up a canine connection.

Well, neither Gail nor I could recall seeing any photos of this giant* of Scottish politics out walking a favourite pooch (although, from the look of him just now, he sure could use the exercise…)

In desperation, we reached for Google.

No sign of Wee Eck doling out ‘Best in Show’ rosettes. No cuddling fluffy puppies. Nothing.

Ah but wait!

Did you know that there is a Facebook group dedicated to the proposition that ‘Alex Salmond looks like the Churchill dog’.

 Oh Yes!

[Note for non British readers – the ‘Churchill dog’ - pictured above - is well known in the UK as star of a long running series of TV adverts for a certain insurance company.] 

*That’s ‘giant’ as in an ‘ever expanding girth’ sense.