Oh deer, what a spoilsport!

Hmmm, Gail, why have you just clamped on my lead? Surely you know that we are on a stretch of our regular Torridon walk where I am normally allowed to range free?

Well little Bertie, I am most surprised you even need to ask. I just spotted a deer in the distance, before your super sensitive nostrils picked up the scent, it seems. Maybe some of your eagle eyed readers can also see him in this picture?

A deer! But how can that be? I do believe we are walking through part of the reafforestation project area, which is surrounded by deer-proof fences. 

You are quite correct Bertie, but it seems one canny fellow has found a weak link in the fencing. Or maybe he is particularly adept at the high jump. 

This is shocking. Quite outrageous in fact. That deer is trespassing! He should be chased away immediately, before he has chance to chew up the precious saplings. Gail, given that the last wolf in Scotland was supposedly killed in 1743, I think it is your duty to release me without further ado, then I can show him who is boss around these parts and he will not dare show his face again.

Gail, my lead is still attached. How ever did you come to be such a spoilsport?

Nosiness or intelligent curiosity?

A CONVERSATION

Gail, on Sunday, when we left the nature reserve and walked down into Collieston village, you put on my lead, although there was no traffic around. This is not the first time I have noticed you do this, although I am at a loss to understand why. Can you please explain?

Oh Bertie, I'm sure a clever chap like you can work it out. You are just too nosy. When we come close to houses, you always want to run off to explore the gardens, and more than once you have ignored my shouts, made a beeline for an open front door and invited yourself inside. 

Well of course, one always likes to investigate new places. What you so sniffily call being 'nosy', I would categorise as evidence of a lively curiosity, which surely is a good thing?

But Bertie, it is at best embarrassing when I have to retrieve you after you've entered someone else's property without permission. And, although it's true we don't live in America and it is unlikely anyone here would go after you with a gun (unless perhaps you were on a farm and worrying the livestock), it would be very understandable if the property owner became irate and started shouting at me, and you.

Gail, you may be right in theory, but in practice it has never happened like that has it? On the contrary, my distinct impression is that people are delighted and amused by my impromptu visits, and my friendly fuzzy-faced presence has brought a little ray of sunshine to many an otherwise dull existence. Really what is embarrassing is having you go all, "sorry, sorry, I'm so sorry, I promise it won't happen again, Bertie you are such a naughty dog", when I have just provided the householder best entertainment they've enjoyed all week.

Er, yes Bertie, up to a point. But may I introduce you to the concept of not pushing one's luck…..?