"Phew. It's only diarrhoea..."

It's very odd.

In common with most dogs, I occasionally get a tummy upset. Infrequently in my case, but it does happen. 

I'm guessing that many of my fellow pups will, like me, have noticed how when one demands urgently to be let outside in the middle of the night, one's human sometimes struggles to be sympathetic.

They can be quite cross even. 

Last week, when there was a night time 'occurrence' in our household, I was trailed round the garden by Gail in her pyjamas. She was holding a torch and anxiously leaning over and peering underneath my belly to check my 'waterworks' function.

I could have told her she was barking up the wrong orifice...

But you know what Gail said when she finally stepped back and noticed a somewhat liquified stream of brown emanating from the below the tail area?

It was a most surprising reaction.

"Oh Bertie, thank goodness, I'm so pleased, it's only diarrhoea..."

PS from Gail: given Bertie's bladder cancer diagnosis, I am hyper-vigilant about his pattern of peeing, watching closely and dreading any change. So when his uncharacteristic need to go outside in the night turned out to be a case of 'the runs' (which thankfully turned out to be short lived), I think readers will understand my relief.

The hundred metre exclusion zone

Bertie's 'exclusion zone'

Bertie near the boundary of the exclusion zone

Can you believe that I am sometimes criticised by my owner for "taking my house-training to the extreme"?

Well of course we all know that it is wrong to poo (or pee) inside one's home. Or other people's.

I think pee-ing in the garden is just about acceptable. And can in fact be helpful - plants might need watering (even in Aberdeen) and surely it's good to leave the occasional message warning off feline intruders.

But as for what some human's refer to as "number twos"... Well I hope you agree with me that operating an exclusion zone of 100 metre radius, centred on one's house, is appropriate and not at all unreasonable.

I understand that certain dogs rather let the side down and tolerate being turned out into the garden/yard to 'do their business' before bedtime.

Not me!

I insist on a proper walk.

And after all, a late evening stroll is good for one's human too,  don't you think?  Even if it means she has to lay down her book or turn off the telly, rouse herself from the warmth and comfort of the sofa, don the many layers of clothing required for even a short venture outdoors at this time of year and check her pockets for poo bags and a torch before accompanying me into the darkness.

Surely no owner who truly loved their dog could object to such a routine?