Monday, 19 September 2016

Route Planning Fail

Bertie, and Gail's vocal (and possibly former) friend Yvonne, conduct a highly indignant post mortem following Sunday's walk from Wester Alligin to Diabaig.

Yvonne: "That was utterly terrifying. I am a nervous wreck. Bertie, can't you control your owner? She is a madwoman. Every muscle in my body was shaking as she forced me to scramble down those wet slippery rocks in that vertical gully back there. I had no idea what I was letting myself in for. I'm telling you, I won't make that mistake again. I can't believe she dragged me down that cliff. I thought I was going to die. I'm a North London Jew and for us a walk is what you do from the car park to John Lewis* at Brent Cross Shopping Centre... I don't think I can move another inch now, I am in such pain. Bertie, tell your owner I'll stay here at the café and have another smoked salmon sandwich, and she can walk back and get the car and give me a lift home."

Bertie: "And you're complaining? Think how it was for me! I was looking forward to bouncing down the gully, maybe exploring the odd side route, doing my own thing, taking advantage of the fact that Gail would be concentrating on keeping her footing. Maybe I'd even get the chance to run off after a deer, or one of those feral goats that hang out in these parts. But no soon as we reached the top of the steep bit than Gail - the big spoilsport -  clamped on my lead, saying she wasn't going to have me running off putting us all in danger by getting myself stuck and needing to be rescued from somewhere even more inaccessible and precipitous. No matter how hard I pulled on the lead as we descended, Gail just wouldn't let go, and I'm telling you, there was a fair bit of what my American friends call HBO language being uttered along the way. It was all very stressful indeed. Really I think you had it quite easy..."

*Note for non-British readers: 'John Lewis' is a well known UK department store traditionally favoured by the comfortably off middle classes.


  1. Hari OM
    Bertie lad, that sounds suspiciously like mutiny to me - are ye sure that yer Gail ain't a buccaneer reinvented for dry land - no walking the plank, but plenty o' rock-hopping??!!! Hugs and wags, YAM-aunty xxx

  2. wow that was a tour! slippery rocks and a cliff... that's all a thrilling mountain movie needs :o)

  3. I think having survived one of Gail's journeys you should consider yourself lucky! Gail I perceive goes for the gusto every time full out.
    Thanks for being a friend
    Sweet William The Scot

    1. Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum
      Drink and the devil had done for the rest
      Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.
      Now don't be eatin any Cackle fruit!

  4. It sounds like you and Yvonne have many things uncommon BOL
    Lily & Edward

  5. OMD, Bertie, I think it's time to take Gail back to obedience school!

  6. Bertie, sounds like you even made Gail's journey down a bit difficult, too. Good dog! We don't think Yvonne will be venturing out into the wilds again.

  7. Maybe next time you should not let Gail be in charge!!

    Your Pals,

    Murphy & Stanley

  8. Well, Bertie, I smelled deer poop this afternoon and I was ON LEASH!!


  9. We are so glad you at least had someone to air your grievances to!!

  10. I've done that walkies from John Lewis to the car at Brent Cross Bertie and I can tell you its one of the MOST terrifying thingys ever!!!!
    I would happily swap that dangerous dash fur a walkies in the hills with you any day (especially if there are smoked salmon sandwiches involved!)
    Loves and licky kisses
    Princess Leah xxx

  11. That was some interesting adventure for you Bertie! Sending a big HUG!!!

  12. Hi hi hi! Ojo here! That sounds like it would have been FUN, but only if you were allowed to explore on your own. Don't the people know that we dogs are like mountain goats??

  13. What an adventure! But this is why Gail is in some great shape

  14. Remember Bertie, you're in training for the Alps.