Thursday, 30 April 2015

A letter to the Big Boss re HOME ALONE

30th April 2015

Dear Head of the Company that Employs Gail,


I hope you don’t mind me writing to you like this. Really, to be honest, I wanted to infiltrate the office during one of your recent meetings about company restructuring, and liven things up by sinking my teeth into your ankles, but Gail felt such action might be prejudicial to my case.

From this you will perceive that I am not a happy bunny right now. Actually I am not a bunny at all, but a wire-haired fox terrier with an international following on social media.

OK, first of all I do want to thank you for letting Gail take time off work to care for her sick mother earlier this year. That was awfully nice of you, and awfully nice for me too, as I got to stay in Nottingham with Gail, and not be left at home for much of the day while she goes to work.

Oh but I got such a nasty shock a couple of weeks ago when Gail finally returned to the office. And I was most puzzled ‘cos she keeps telling me that the low oil price means company has little business, but her working day seems to have lengthened by at least an hour, and she never ever comes home to visit me at lunchtime any more. OK, so my lovely dog walker does take me out, but still it’s not the same.

When I queried this longer day, Gail told me that the company has closed the office near to our house as  a cost cutting measure, and she now has to drive (the horror!) 17 miles to work in Banchory. But Gail, I said, surely the firm still has a base in Aberdeen? And Gail said yes indeed they do, but there is supposedly no space for her in that particular office.

Now, Mr Big Boss, I don’t know if you are personally acquainted with Gail but if not, I would like to point out that she really doesn’t take up much room. The leg muscles may have filled out a bit on the recent cycling holiday, but still, I feel sure she could easily be squeezed into some small corner in the Aberdeen premises, which are only a ten minute bike ride from my our house.

Gail tells me that people who work in the oil industry are often expected to relocate to the opposite side of the globe at the drop of a hard hat, and she feels that complaining about a half hour drive to work, most of which is along a pretty country road with little traffic, is not something that will engender much sympathy.

Well that’s as maybe, but I have a suspicion that even the toughest of oilmen has a softer side, one that may be amenable to manipulation when confronted with an adorable but rather lonely wee dog with a plaintive expression on his face.

Please let Gail work in Aberdeen again. PLEASE!

Yours respectfully,
Bertie (not Bouncing right now).

P.S. In the event that I do not receive a positive response by return of post, you should be aware that I am in discussions with my friend Ernie the Attorney, from top US law firm Von Schnitzel, Ketchum and Dedum, about how to take this matter further...


  1. I don't know how dey could resist dat face!

  2. Bertie, how could the Big Boss ignore your eloquently worded letter? I hope you will not have to resort to the services of Frankie and Ernie's law firm. But it you you, you are in good hands.

  3. It's a good plan Bertie, but if you're going as far as legal action then why not ask for Gail to be able to work from home? Then you can pester, um I mean help, Gail all day every day. Was that a whimper I heard Gail?

  4. Maybe a law suit is a better option than biting an ankle or taking out a contract on someone in the closer office, so Gail can find room.

    1. A contract on someone in the closer office? Now there's an idea...

  5. Crikey Bertie .... NO-ONE could resist that plea. Looks to me as if Gail will be working closer to home in no time at all.

  6. You is irrestibull, dat's fur shure....

    We gots a lil giggle though... 17 miles in Texas... Well, dat's sumtimes da distance between ranches...hee hee...

  7. No that's just not funs is it? Maybe YOU should be allowed to go to work wiv Gail? I'm sure you'd be no trouble at all!
    Loves and licky kisses
    Princess Leah xxx

  8. Hari OM
    Oh Bertie lad.... I was gonna suggest the work from home option, but Craig got there first. Was gonna suggest you travel with and become the office mascot errr.... consultant... but Julie beat me to that one.... but I would never I repeat NEVER suggest swapping out another pawn and putting Gail on that square instead. Yes, life is a game of chess, but really.... there are things fur shure, the Fetchum and Deadum crew will come up with answers fur ya... I mean, did ya see their work on Wednesday???

    Hoping for positive outcomes fur ya (and therefore for Gail also) hugs and wags, YAM-aunty xxx

  9. Howdy Bertie. Blimey we hope you get a pawsitive response from Gail's boss. Otherwise you will just have to insist on attending work with her. No worries and love Stella and Rory

  10. Very well said, Bertie! I hope they take your concerns to heart!

  11. Bertie, do you think there might have been a more nefarious plot in mind? Instead of biking to work, your momma now has to DRIVE... using GAS... made from OIL. Are they just trying to get prices back up?!

  12. WE do NOT see HOW the POWERS that BE could Pawsibly refuse your well worded request... BUTT JUST IN "CASE" ... I (Ernie the Attorney) am working to study the Scot Law System... Which is quite complicated and full of RULES and stuffs... so that we are pawpared to represent you, laddie.

  13. Hey Bertie!
    Wow, you tell 'em buddy! Who do they think they are anyway to interfere with your routine. Great job putting your paw down and Ern has your back.
    Grr and Woof,
    Sarge, Police Commish

  14. Bertie that was my first thought too... your Gail needs not much room, I bet they will find a small place in Aberdeen for your mom... and if not I help you with the idea about the teeth and the ankles...
    easy rider

  15. You need to put your paw down and protest Gail's relocation
    Lily & Edward

  16. Bertie - Restructurings are weird and wonderful affairs.

  17. Whoa you need we can get most of Blogville to invade that office and run rampant...until satisfaction comes about....or we all bite him!

    The Mad Scots

  18. Our Lady has chosen to have an hour drive every day. It is good that Gail wants to be closer. Hope your letter helps!

  19. Whoah....what a great letter Bertie. We are sure that Mr. Big Boss will listen..especially once he researches what a great lawyer Ernie is!!
    Dory, Jakey, Arty & Bilbo

  20. I am certain your letter will be met with a positive response. Way to take matters into your own paws.

  21. We are sure that your letter will help. It is well written and totally reasonable! And, you always have Ernie!

    Your Pals,

    Murphy & Stanley

  22. Bertie dear, I think you h ave the wrong US law firm. You should sign on with Dewey,Cheatem and Howe who are famous for winning cases. We will support your efforts! Best wishes, Stella and Zkhat,