Tuesday, 13 May 2014

The need for speed...

Gail, can I have quiet word? You see I am feeling rather disappointed.

Disappointed? Oh Bertie, it's not because we didn't have a chance to mingle with any of those wedding guests at the Sky Lodge Hotel in New Scone on Saturday night is it?

No, no, no Gail, it's not that. After all, I was too tired to be on 'meet and greet' duty anyway. No, I am disappointed that my best position at the Fair City Dog Agility Show was second, when to progress to Grade 2, I needed a win.

Oh Bertie, but I was so proud of you. Two clear rounds out of three, and no eliminations. You did brilliantly. If only you had been a wee bit faster, you would have had a first for sure. 

Well yes. A bit faster. Quite. So Gail, I wanted to ask you something about your cycling club friends.

My cycling friends! Bertie, whatever next?

I am right in thinking, am I not, that you have been knocking around with these folk since you lived in London in the 1980's and 90's?

Er yes…..

Well it seems to me that, given, you know, all we've read in the papers about Lance Armstrong etc, that maybe some of your friends might, er, might be able to advise me on how to, well, er, to chemically enhance my performance…?

BERTIE! Did I hear that right? I am SO SHOCKED. My friends are touring cyclists not racing cyclists and certainly we have NEVER taken those sorts of drugs. You should be ashamed of yourself for even thinking such a thing.

But, but, but. Oh I am sorry Gail, I didn't mean to cause offence. It's just that some of the other agility dogs are so much quicker than me. Like, the one who beat me to second place got round in ten seconds less than I took. I just don't think I can run that fast without some sort of extra help.

Well now Bertie, I agree that a couple of your rivals would appear to be rocket propelled, but they also make mistakes. You are accurate and clever on the tight turns and rarely knock poles over or miss your contacts. Of course, it doesn't help when you just amble over the dog walk admiring the view. But remember Bertie, there is no point in doing agility if you and I are not having fun. If you don't want to carry on, just say.

Not carry on with agility? You are joking, right? I mean, going to training and seeing all my pals is the highlight of my week. And I have noticed that you Gail are finally starting to get a bit better at giving me directions and your arm signals are less confusing than formerly. It is satisfying to watch you improve.

And anyway, where else could I find such a rich source of material for my blog…


  1. HI Bertie
    Sounds like you did pawesome at your recent agility competition :) Milo & Jet

  2. We think you did incredibly well. And sounds as if Gail is lifting her game, as well. We think you'll be wearing that 1st in no time, with out chemical assistance. Just remember not to sight see on the rounds.

    XXXoOO Bella & Roxy

  3. BOL, we's laffin at your request for dose performance enhancers. Ya don't want to get no roid rage, does ya?

    1. Yeah, ya don't want no 'roid rage... It could make ya all snarly!

  4. Well second was good Bertie but we might suggest roller skates rather than performance enhancing dope LOL. Have a terrific Tuesday.
    Best wishes Moly

  5. Hari OM
    Oh Bertie, that ribbon suits you very well indeed and there is now at least the desire in you to do better..... that focus must become your drug of choice my boy!!! Let's face it too, if Gail is now less like a windmill and more like traffic light, things are looking bright... Hugs and wags, YAM-aunty xxx

  6. well you look just lovely in your ribbon it suits you and I am very impressed

    retro rover

  7. Oh Bertie that ribbon looks great on you and first will come in no time at all. Good luck. Hilary

  8. Well Bertie my BFF, being a cat (gasp yes, it is true I am a cat) I have never been involved in agility etc. In my feline opinion I AM 200% positive you displayed great sportsmanship and energy and had there been a ribbon of Mr. Congeniality you would have won it!!
    Lots of hugs your fan big fan Madi

  9. Wow - look at that huge ribbon you got for your second place and you know - second is better than third :) I know what you mean though little scottish cousin - when I use to do agility I would go around perfectly every time - never missed a contact, never knocked anything down, never missed a weave or jump and NEVER was fast enough. I was just to busy having fun to worry about the need for speed and I NEVER won any placings so you are already doing better than I did :)

  10. That's interesting that you must win to progress to the next level. On this side of the pond, it doesn't work that way. If you are clean and under time, it counts. Good thing as we ran against lots of super-speedy Shelties who we could never out-run for 1st place!

    Love the shot of the agility field with the mountains in the background.

  11. Bertie, so sorry you feel disappointed but I can only gaze in admiration at your success because I can barely even touch my hooves with my super snout. So Bertie, be proud and know you have one true admiring fan.

  12. Bertie.... you are a WINNER. A Winner in OUR BOOK no matter where you end up in an agility thingy. THAT is just fur FUN and Exercise.

  13. Forgive my mom if she told me to make a baseball analogy, OK? One of her and dad's very favorite players is probably the best catcher in the game. The very best. He tells pitchers what to pitch and he can throw someone out who tries to steal a base, and he is just all around sharp. BUT, when he gets a hit, a single, he runs so slowly that he can rarely get to first base before the ball is caught and thrown there to get him out. The team and their fans know he is indispensable, regardless of how fast he can run! Got it????

    Wirey love,


  14. Congrrats on second! That's still a big victory. I'm proud of you.

  15. Congratulations!! Second is right behind first.
    Lily and Edward

  16. Congratulations! Mom said you are a Fox Terrier, they can reach all objectives. (she lived with a Fox-girl for 14 years) Next time you will win, I'm sure. Oh and you got a wonderful ribbon, it looks great! (I've got nothing on sunday lol)

  17. Howdy Bertie. Mate, that second ribbon is just fabo. Congratulations. Have you ever considered how much more handsome you are than the other competitors? We believe everybuddy is happy when you stroll along the dog walk because they get to have a good long look at your handsome self. Good luck with the next Agility. No worries, and love, Stella and Rory

  18. Performance enhancing drugs, like EPO, it works wonders, but you don't need any, handsomeness out does fast any day. Remember you and Gail are having fun and meeting with your pals.

    The Mad Scots

  19. Crikey Bertie .... you came 2nd out of all those dogs? You're amazing, mate! How good are you? I feel soooooooo honoured just knowing you .... what's a bit of speed? I got heaps of that but I get distracted. I just want to run EVERYWHERE!! AND that tunnel thing scares me half to death. Especially the shute tunnel. It's dark in there. Crikey, mate ...... 2nd place ..... you'll come first next time ..... just wait and see.
    By the way ..... are you free on Sarge's date day. I'm organising a bit of a date for Whitley and Finley (yeah TWO Sheilas - Crikey - sorry - two females) and they've agreed that a few of my mates can tag along. Pretty laid back Sh ....females, aye? anyway I was just wondering if you would like to come. How about it? You could groom me up a bit. You know .... teach me a bit about the Shei .... females. We're going Roo hunting!!

  20. 'Stead of you gettin' faster, I thinks ya needs to figger out a way to slow da other pupses down...maybe pass out large amounts of food or sumthin' so's they all sleepy... Turkey legs!! Da tryptophan will knock 'em out!

  21. Want to know my secret for speed ...cheeseburgers. Eat three and you will be super fast ...or least no longer care much about competitions.

    Angel Pip

  22. Bertie, very well done on your second! I is stuck at second. my last two shows I got a second. There just has to be an dogly fast short collie in every medium class, right?
    We'll get there buddy. Really, we is doing our peoples a favour by building them up slowly.
    ~lickies, Ludo