Wednesday, 18 December 2013

Winning tips for Oz

Oz
My darling godmother Tootsie has a fur-cousin Oz who is thinking of taking up Agility, and, on the strength of my two recent and long awaited rosettes, Tootsie has asked if I can give Oz some top tips for success in this thrilling sport.

Oh I just love this type of question don't you? Basically: "Please explain why you so are so brilliant?" Much favoured, one notes, by career-minded Tory backbenchers at Prime Minister's Question Time.

I digress.

So, yes of course Oz my friend, I would be delighted to give you the benefit of my hard won experience.

I have four important pieces of advice.

(I seem to recall that Oz lives in Italy, so to circumvent any language barrier I have also, in my own inimitable style, provided some self-explanatory - I hope - sketches to communicate my main points.)

Tip no. 1: Always make sure you have an experienced handler. One who knows her left from her right even under pressure, who can retain in her head the order of more than two obstacles at a time, and who can be guaranteed not to stumble over any of them herself…

Tip no. 2: Tolerant trainers are a must. The sort who understand that if the training field is adjacent to a field where horses are grazing, then every once in a while the urge to dash across to the fence to say hi to Dobbin cannot be resisted, even if it means crossing the path of the senior grade 'swotty collie' types as they prepare for high level competition.


Tip no. 3: Choose a club with pretty girl pups! Sometimes it can be a bit boring waiting for the other dogs to have their go round the set obstacle course, especially when they are even more erratic performers than oneself, and what better way to while away the time than to flirt with a fluffy wee bichon frisé (for example).

Tip no. 4: NEVER EVER POOP ON THE 'A' FRAME….


Oz, I wish you all the best in your Agility endeavours. I mean, how could you possibly go wrong now…?

21 comments:

  1. We hope there is no language barrier either. We seem to remember Gail having difficulty with the Aberdeen accent at one time.

    XXXOOO Daisy, Bella & Roxy

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  2. OMD Bertie your skills never fail to amaze us and the drawings are brill. Top post pal and we think you are top boffin. Have a wonderful Wednesday.
    Best wishes Molly

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  3. I love your illustrations! They really get your point across. Also are not handlers who get confused with right and left the worse, are mom is totaly like that and it blessfully cut our rally career short

    retro rover

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  4. The drawings look so great , love them :D

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  5. Teka claims that problems with the "handler" have aborted any attempts at an agility career for her. Our Muzzer has all of the problems you noted, and also tends to bump into stuff. Good luck Oz

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  6. We think that Oz will be able to perfectly follow your instructions. They are so detailed and well drawn (well, except for #4 talking about #2.)

    Hugs,
    LIly Belle & Muffin

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  7. That's some top-notch advice!

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  8. MOL MOL MOL BERTIE YOU AND GAIL ARE MOST TALENTED WITH YOUR PICTURE INSTRUCTIONS.
    #3 AND #4 ARE FOR CERTAIN THE MOST VALUABLE ONES. AS FOR #1 WE 4 LEGGERS MUST ACCEPT THE FACT THAT OUR PEEPS HAVE NO COORDINATION.
    HUGS MADI YOUR BFFF

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  9. with these amazingly detailed instructions OZ is going to be the world champion in no time !

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  10. With these MOST HELPFUL HINTS and ILLUSTRATIONS... we could ALL win Ribbons!!!

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  11. I will print these tips and take them with me next time I attempt agility class. I'm not sure I can help my mom with tip #1...just sayin'
    Wyatt

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  12. Mom is laughing so hard at those graphics. Agility sounds like fun
    Lily

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  13. Hari OM
    Oz has got it made with a master like yourself to guide him...8^} Hugs and wags, YAM-aunty xxx

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  14. Bawhahahahaha!!! I just had to pop back to the blog world for this post. Bawhahahahaha. Truly one of your best, Bertie!

    Your pal, Angel Pip


    Ruby, I advise you to take some notes. Our easily distracted and inexperienced assistant would not make a good handler. She has trouble with left and right even in everyday life.

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  15. Bertie, what great advice for a beginner. You could maybe publish and expand on your notes one day! I'm sure Oz will win many rosettes (maybe without such a long wait!) if he keeps your notes in mind! Your illustrations are very cool, how can you keep a pen in your paw to achieve such great results?
    Pippa :)
    P.S. Eve would like to say a big thank you to Gail for wishing her good luck in her exam. It wasn't really a big one, it was just to see if she'd cope doing some subjects for 4th year. Obviously I (Pippa) don't need such tests, because I have a much more intelligent and bouncy boffinous (?) teacher here for me!

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  16. Bertie,
    congratulations on your prestigious awards and new career as advisor to future sports stars! Good tips! I find number 1 really important, it often hinders me!

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  17. Bertie,

    Thanks so much for sharing your wotten waven tips with my puppy cousin Oz! The sketches are fabulous. Yes, Oz does live in Italy, and your sketches do a great job of overcoming the language barrier.

    I'm not sure about Tip #4. After all, your A frame poopy-doopy moment will remain engraved in the collective memory of the dog-blogging community for centuries to come. I think Oz should try that, too.

    BTW, Oz is currently taking an obedience class. I never needed obedience classes because nobody ever questioned my authority.

    Loving wags,
    Godmoma Tootsie

    P.S.: Are you serious about getting me into the British Museum? What if they think I'm a Molossos hound? Haven't you noticed the resemblance?

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  18. Well if we ever do that agility stuff ( won't happen, don't need training, we are always dashing about jumping over stuff in the yard ) we will keep that in mind!

    The Mad Scots

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  19. Bertie, your comments are spot on! especially that handler part. We are still patiently training our human Jeri. When she gets it right, she is brilliant. When she doesn't...well we do love her and give her another go.
    a tip from Thor: don't pee in front of the very first obstacle and get and E before you even start.
    wishing you and your human Yappy Howlidays and Meowy New Year! your pawls Thor & Burns (soon to be joined my new sister kitty, Poppy)

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  20. That is some pretty excellent advice! What great drawings - we had a little laugh and thought they were wonderful.

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  21. I fear that I cannot adhere to rule #1 as the times I have run courses, my momma has several times been heard to shout out "what next? what next?" as well as take the odd tumble.

    Kisses,
    Dexter

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