Monday, 23 September 2013

How not to sell a dog

Gail has been rereading an old book, a satirical novel from the 1920's by the Czech author Jaroslav Hašek.


I was most concerned about what I saw on page 174. The context, I believe, is that the main character, the eponymous soldier Švejk, formerly "in the dog business" is giving his lieutenant advice on how to sell a pup that is past its prime:


'Dogs can't dye their hair like ladies do. This always has to be done by the person who wants to sell them. If a dog is so old that it's completely grey and you want to sell it as a year old puppy or pretend that the old dodderer is nine months old, then you must buy some silver nitrate, dissolve it and paint the dog black so that it looks quite new. And you must feed it like a horse with arsenic, so that it gains strength and you must clean its teeth with sand paper like they use for cleaning rusty knives. And before you lead it out to be sold to a customer, you must pour some slivovice down its throat, so that it gets a bit tipsy. Then it'll immediately get lively, gay, bark joyfully and make friends with anyone, like a drunken town councillor.'


Should I allow Gail to continue reading?


24 comments:

  1. Bertie,
    My human just told me 24 years ago, when she was in Croatia, after an early morning hike she was given slivovice to pour down her throat BEFORE 8am. The experience did not make her bark joyfully or act like a drunken town councilor. However, for your own safety, I strongly suggest you eat Gail’s book immediately to remove all risk of you getting tipsy and having your fur dyed!

    Woofs,
    Riley

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  2. Might be easier to give the slivovice to the prospective buyer!

    Just be careful when Gail gives you a bath or gives you strange stuff. She may be trying to sell you...

    XXXOOO Daisy, Bella & Roxy

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  3. Us again, love the header.

    XXXOOO Daisy, Bella & Roxy

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  4. I say eat that book! Black is not your color at all! As for that drink we have never heard of it but it sounds a bit scary

    urban hounds

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  5. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BERTIE I THINK YOU NEED TO KICK IT TO THE CURB IN THE WEE HOURS OF THE NIGHT. MOL
    HUGS MADI YOUR BFFF

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  6. Bertie we say confiscate the book forthwith. Yikes you don't want to give Gail any of those ideas. Does it have any advice on what to do with old assistants? Have a marvellous Monday.
    Best wishes Molly

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  7. Eeek, grab that book! Doesn't look good to us Bertie!

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  8. Oh no, I say get that book and chew it up Bertie. Wouldnt want anything happening to you like that cuz you are Perfect like you are!!

    Wags
    Addi

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  9. You should be gravely worried, Bertie!

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  10. Oh my! That doesn't sound like a healthy book at all. The idea of dyeing handsome gray furs! A little silver makes you look distinguished.

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  11. Hari Om
    Bertie, that book has already done the rounds, by the look of it and one is highly concerned at the number of mistreated elders there have been during the time of its availability. High time the thing was eaten/burned/ripped page from page and strewn to the four winds from the top of Torridon...... you get the picture.

    The point Gail in THIS DIRECTION!

    Hugs and wags, YAM-aunty xxxxxxxx (extra smooches for your security!)

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  12. Chomp and swallow all those bad words. Although I can't see Gail doing anything as vile as noted in this book, if she is desparate to re-home you, she can send you over here to us. Don't forget your coat.

    Cheers,
    Stella

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  13. I wouldn't trust that Gail.
    Benny & Lily

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  14. OMD, I would chew that book up real quick, don't give her any idea's bawahwhahwha xxooxxx

    Mollie and Alfie

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  15. Wow, Bertie, Be careful if she starts talking about colors for you. The chemicals the poor doggies are to drink sound a bit um bad. I'd chew up at least that section of the book to ensure complete protection.
    Sally Ann

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  16. We suggest peeing on or eating the book. Lee and Phod

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  17. MOL MOL MOL MOL Bertie you are undoubtedly the best
    Scientific Adviser in the world wide web!!
    Thanks good buddy
    your bfff Madi

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  18. Definitely allow her to read on ~ dye you black well I am black and it's a nice color but I am thinking slivovice, the potent clear spirit usually made from plums who would care what Gail does!
    Now my Music Hall definitely looks like the St. Pancras Station though no tower clock.
    Thanks for stopping by my blog
    Sweet William The Scot

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  19. Allow her to read but clear all cupboards of chemicals and check hew purchases carefully Bertie...though these days it would probably be Revlon or Clairol instead of silver nitrate

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  20. Oh oh, mum's just written down all the ingredients you mentioned! No, not for us, for herself ahahahahaha. No worries, and love, Stella and Rory

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  21. Dearest Bertie ( and Gail!)
    Many thanks for popping over to see us, we were not sure whether to post or not but we have all of Bailey's life with us on that blog!
    We enjoyed reading your post - it has come at just the right time as your Aunt Martha has been considering botox!
    Well she is not as young as she used to be. Her muzzle has that tell tale whiteness and she feels she wants to fight time.
    Of course the human has been fighting a losing battle on that count for many years now.
    Thank goodness we are dogs Bertie, these humans come up with some rubbish!
    Much love
    Martha (and Vanessa) xx

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  22. No, No, No. Definitely NO. Goodness where does Gail find these books?
    Could you find her so,etching more suitable to read Bertie?

    Molly, Taffy, Monty and Winnie

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  23. The book sounds dreadful. Momma would give it danger red rating on her book review blog, no doubt.

    Kisses,
    Dexter

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